My friend has this weird habit where he gnaws at bricks when he visits someone’s home.

Doctors are calling it Munch housin’ syndrome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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Eye dew knot gnaw watt two dew

Eats too inn the mourning end eye veal lyke ass leap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daunfifi123c456b
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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If a creepy eunuch ever says he wants to β€œgnaw on” you...

He means the reverse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
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My dog started gnawing on something and immediately started having a sneezing fit

That's the last time I buy achoo toy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AADPS
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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What did the beaver say to the tree?

It's been nice gnawing you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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What would C.S.Lewis write if he was a Rat?

The Chronicles of Gnaw-rnia...

Hehe..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Albus_Veritas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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My boyfriend's puns will be the death of me
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaveFile1
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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I've got a puppy that's quite smart, but won't stop chewing on everything

So I named him gnaw-it-all

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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While eating porkchops in our backyard.

Me: Hey, you want a bone to chew on?

Son: Gnaw bro.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/obi-whine-kenobi
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blake__coleman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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What do you call a saw with no teeth?

A gnaw

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpiritvsRobot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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The other day I asked a beaver out on a date

It said, "Gnaw"

And I was like "Dam."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danstrada28
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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Do sharks have a favorite way to eat food?

Gnaw

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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How does a woodchuck make you upchuck?

Gnaws ya

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SharqueByte
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2015
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Like a demonic possession, this joke took a hold of me this morning and would not let go. I'm sorry.

The CIA had changed its recruiting practices, what with all the recent leaks and other problems. So Mr. Johnson was more than a little surprised to see a pine tree, which was dressed in a rather nice suit, waiting outside his office when he arrived at 9 am. He asked his secretary, "Gladys, who is this?"

"Mr. Johnson, this is Mr. Cone, our newest hire. He wanted to talk with you about the Honduras assignment."

Mr. Johnson spoke to Mr. Cone in his office. His new pine tree colleague was very knowledgeable and well-spoken, but there was something about him that threw Mr. Johnson off. He tried to dismiss his concerns as imaginary, but it gnawed at him all through the morning. He barely touched his lunch, as some of the things Mr. Cone had said were still swirling around and around in his mind. He was sure something was wrong, so he went in to see the head of their office branch, Mr. Smith.

"Johnson! Come right in, come right in," said Mr. Smith, puffing on a cigar. Mr. Johnson poured himself a tumbler of whiskey and sipped at it nervously.

"You're being rather quiet today, Johnson. Tell me, what's troubling you?"

"It's just this new guy, Mr. Cone," Mr. Johnson said carefully, staring at the bottom of his whiskey glass. "Are we sure we know him as well as we think we do?"

Mr. Smith took only a small puff from his cigar before letting his hand rest back on his desk. "Now really, Johnson," he sighed, "you're a good agent. Your caution has served you well in the past, but paranoia doesn't look so good on you. Mr. Cone has the most impressive resumΓ© I've seen come across my desk in the last fifteen years. I've personally had him vetted by the best men in the business. He's going to be an asset to this office."

That was the response Mr. Johnson had been afraid of getting, but he continued to press his cause. "I understand that, sir. It's just that I'm getting the strangest feeling from this Cone fellow. Don't you think he's a little too perfect? A little too well-qualified?"

Mr. Smith stopped smoking his cigar altogether. A distant look came into his eyes as he mulled over the possibilities. "You don't suppose--"

"Yes," said Mr. Johnson, "I think he's a plant."

Note: I'm a mom, not a dad, but I'm pretty sure I only thought of this because my father-in-law tortures me with these kinds of stories almost constantly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Larny-Arny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2014
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What did the beaver say to the tree?

Its been nice gnawing you!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lshqpyari
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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I just watched a program about beavers.

was the best dam program i've ever seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheZooGuy27
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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What did the beaver say to the tree?

It's been nice gnawing you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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My dog has a song she likes for rawhide bones.

Gnaw, gnaw, gnaw, gnaw

Gnaw, gnaw, gnaw, gnaw

Hey, hey, hey.

Goodbye.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/urbanek2525
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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What did the beaver say to the tree?

It's been nice gnawing you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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What did the beaver say to the tree?

It's been nice gnawing you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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What did the beaver say to the wood?

It's been nice gnawing you!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FineSherbet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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What did the beaver say to the tree?

It's been nice gnawing you!

From my goofy coworker... :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/con-brown
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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What did the beaver say to the tree?

β€œIt’s been nice gnawing you.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raychilljones15
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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What did the beaver say to the tree as it fell?

It was nice gnawing you!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrumSpace
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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What did the beaver say to the tree?

"It's been nice gnawing you."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/starlightcalliope
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2013
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What did the beaver say to the tree?

It's been nice gnawing you!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/llamanatee
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2014
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