Who can drink 2 litres of Gasoline?

Jerry can.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaxiCato62
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?

Butane, because it's lighter fluid...

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdryan1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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What do you call a haunted house drenched in gasoline?

Petrolfied

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Velvet_Thunder
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Who can drink 6 liters of gasoline and not get sick?

Jerry can.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GonnaGoFat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Do you know who can drink a gallon of gasoline and not die?

Jerry can

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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Who can drink four gallons of gasoline?

Jerry can!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scrollholio
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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I'm not able to hold 5 gallons of gasoline in me...

...but Jerry can.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThyNameIsP
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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My favorite brand of almonds is offering a free tank of gasoline with every purchase

Blue Diamond Fill-Ups have been a big hit

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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I had a scary dream about gasoline last night

It was nightmare fuel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nice_Yams
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
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You know which one of my kids can carry the most gasoline?

Jerry Can

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombie_riot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
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A kid gets some gasoline in a papercut...

Now he's fuel injected.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Humorous_Humor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2018
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If Republicans try to push through a bill related to the keystone pipeline, they should call it the Gasoline Alternative Source act

Because I want to hear a news anchor say "Today republicans tried to pass G.A.S., but Obama blocked the move with a veto."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notiesitdies
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
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Son: Why do we still drive a gasoline car ?

Dad: We canΒ΄t a Ford a Tesla ..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeitoNe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2016
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An unemployed engineer opens a clinic..

An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail."

A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.

Doctor: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor: "This is Gasoline!"

Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.

Doctor: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor: "But that is Gasoline!"

Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back.

Doctor: "My eyesight has become weak."

Engineer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000," passing the doctor a $500 note.

Doctor: "But this is $500..."

Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your vision back! That will be $500."

πŸ‘︎ 390
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tonheatz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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Which Spice girl can carry the most petrol?

Jerry can

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OldboySlim
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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How do you make a cat bark?

Throw it in the fire. It will go WHOOF

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πŸ‘€︎ u/faceoftheancients
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2016
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The day my dad's dog died.

I was sitting in my room playing with my dog, his name is Buster. My dog was being hyper while getting used to his new home.

My dad walks in and starts telling me about when he was my age and got a new dog.

( Insert sad music from the world's smallest violin here )

Dad: "When I was your age, my dad got me a pooch. His name was Rocket. I got him when he was around 4 years old, so he was pretty big. One day, I was working on my dad's truck and had a bucket of old gas sitting next to me. Rocket was outside playing around, being himself and came up to me. I slid back under the truck and heard some gulping sounds. I look over and see Rocket drinking big gulps of the gasoline. I screamed at him," Rocket No! You don't drink that!" Then he backed up, stumbling. I felt my heart sink to my stomach, I knew something was wrong with him. He took off running around the house. He ran around the house 2-3 times. Then he just fell over.."

Me: "Dead!?"

Dad: "Nah, he just ran out of gas."

Fuck off, Dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kurtcobain94
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
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Call my Dad on the phone: "Hey Dad, what's up?"

"Oh, not much, just the price of gasoline."

Every. Single. Time.

You'd think I'd learn, but now it just feels wrong if I don't greet him that way...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mycareer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2013
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My dad just told us all a story from when he was a kid ...

He and his cousins found a stray dog. They picked him up by the tail and poured gasoline down his butt. The dog freaks out and starts running around the yard. He ran around the house two or three times and suddenly stopped right in front of him and that was the end of the story.

So everyone is appauled because that's insanely cruel and my dad is not that type of man. So we ask if the dog died.

"No, he just ran out of gas"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leejoness
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2016
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My mom, in reference to my grandfather's POS computer, while holding a spindle of blank CDs, "Does it burn?"

"If I use enough gasoline it will."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FX114
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2015
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Granddads are still Dads

Grandpa: the young boy in the neighborhood is really mean. He fed the neighbors cat gasoline. It ran around the cul de sac a couple times. Then up a tree. Then down the tree. Then it just plopped over

Me: Dead?

Grandpa: No. It just ran out of gas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Visell
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2015
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