After 3 mins all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence
I said what, I thought we were having pasta XD She replies, yeah but we need to boil the hell out of the water...
I said no, I'm pretty sure they're all buildings.
BF- “ Our relationship is what? Over.”
Me: Then be as loud as them, it will cancel each other out
Gf: what kind of logic is that?
Me: Sound logic
I consoled her. She was crying
He just thought she was a little shellfish.
They were free of charge
I had a conversation with my gf about what we would miss most, if one of us was to leave.
She said she would actually miss my dadjokes.
Gotta tell you, did not see dad coming.
It was so small that I couldn't even see it at first. She had to point it out, a tiny brown pinhead crawling up our slightly-darker-brown cabinet about knee-high.
"How did you even see that?" I asked.
And she answered, "With my spider-sense."
I love this woman so, so much.
That was until I drove pasta
It was an update
Turns out she was only with me for my mussels
Me: "Tell them to give it back"
I said, "Not even. I'm still in my prime."
She was mother flipping strong.
Your ovary-acting.
My girlfriend left me because I have Alopecia.......
Nevermind, Hair loss
I guess she had no words left for that
So we ordered pizza last night when it just got too late to cook... While we were sitting and eating I pushed my plate away with one piece of pizza left on it. My GF asked "Don't you want to eat your last piece?" "I said no, you can have it." So she took it off my plate and finished it in two bites... I reached for another piece of pizza and she said "What are you doing, you just said you were full!" I said “I didn't say I was full... I just didn't want that piece because it fell on the floor."
Today I found this one.
Edit: Wow, thanks for the positive responses. Here are some more notes from her. Thank you reddit, for making my girlfriend famous for a day, she quite enjoyed your comments after a hard day's work :)
I said nah. Fidelity is important to me.
And left
do you know what comes after lethargy
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H
Me: I love the sequel GF: ....... Me: I love you 2 cue groans
I opened the fridge's door, the light came on, the juice was cold. What the hell did she mean?
Me: "I only use the best ingredients"
gf gives me a look
GF: "Ingredients for time?"
Me: "I never use tardy sauce"
gf leaves room
She didn’t seem interested, so I asked...
Does the Aurora BoreyouAlice?
even though I told her it wasn't my fault
After sexy time last night, she goes "why do you always like my nipples so much?". I responded... "because without them your boobs are pointless". I died laughing and she sat there batting her eyelashes at me in disbelief.
One of them slipped off the cutting board onto the floor and she gasped in surprise. I asked her what happened and she said "one of my tomatoes is trying to get away" So of course I replied "Well did you ketchup to it?" And then I giggled for the rest of the evening.
Our milk lasts the rest of this decade!
