A man recently pulled up to a gas station and started to pump gas while still holding his lit cigarette. The fuel nozzle's shutoff switch failed to engage when his tank was full & fuel shot out on to the man's arm. The fuel immediately caught fire. A cop that was driving by stopped and shot the guy

Apparently it's illegal to wave a fire arm in public.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2021
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All this fuel pump talk is a real gas.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shane0clock
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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I want to start a gas company that deals exclusively in fuel derived from dog fossils. It’s going to be called Paw Petrol.
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Who can drink 10 litres of petrol and not get sick?

Jerry can

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Liver_Bird89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2022
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If Apple made a car what would it be missing?

Windows

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moplex1234
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
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Who can drink 5 liters of petrol and not get ill?

Jerry can πŸ‘

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Partymonster86
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2021
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Santa wakes in a start and turns to Mrs Claus

"I just had the weirdest dream, and I can't make any sense of it."

Mrs Claus sits up and replies "Why don't you tell me about it dear?"

"They're I am, doing the Christmas eve rounds, checking in on the workers and I see one of them topping up the sleigh with gas. It's just routine work, but it woke me up tonight. What do you make of it?"

"Oh I see," Mrs Claus says, "very interesting."

"Well?" Santa says expectantly.

"This is a classic example of an elf fuel filling prophecy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djott3r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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EVERY TIME he goes to the gas station

Dad: I'm going to fill the car up with gas AND put fuel in the tank!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bloomello28
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2014
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Mom Joke Got Me

While driving home with my wife, we passed a Sam's Club and I noticed the fuel prices were low. I asked her, "You ever get gas at Sam's?" She said, "Yeah, sometimes after eating the free samples, I let one rip."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/upandattem
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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All of the stars, glittering like gold...

11pm outside of a gas station twenty miles from Tuscan. Watching the last embers of a cigarette sputter out and die. So long. Too long. Too long is the road in front of me, the road behind me. How long have I been standing here? Too long.

Hear a voice next to me: "Spare some change for gas?"

I turn to look at him, and realize how long it's been since I've seen another human being. Too long. I said: "Yep. What a concept. I could use a little fuel myself, and we could all use a little change."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Narokkurai
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2015
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Economical dad joke

In Oregon (US) every gas station has attendants to pump your gas, and you're not allowed to pump it yourself. When my friend found this out she said "Did you know it's illegal to pump your own gas in Oregon" to which I replied "I guess they're just trying to fuel the economy"

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πŸ“…︎ May 10 2014
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