A mother gave birth and was fortunate enough to be able to breastfeed her child from the very start.
It was a great suck-sess.
Dig you hear the one about the fortunate piss?
My 6 year old just told me this joke... What's stronger than a fortune cookie?
Did you hear about the guy who made a fortune investing in apple?
Turns out he was in cider trading
I just saw an announcement on TV. Seems there’s a fortune teller that happens to be a dwarf, wanted by the FBI
To sum it up, there’s a small medium at large.
How did Landon Calrissian win the Millennium Falcon while playing Wheel of Fortune?
The one time I took a librarian on a date, she cost me a bloody fortune.
My own fault though, I kept her out too long.
I made a FORTUNE in the stock market.
I walked in and stole some guy's Rolex.
What do you call a fortune telling midget who just escaped from prison?
A midget who was a fortune teller robbed a bank
The call went out that a small medium was at large
I met a bipolar fortune teller yesterday...
She says she either feels very manic, or quite depressed - never a happy medium.
When my uncle worked at the iron mill he made a fortune sneaking out material that he could sell. One can say he was very good at steeling.
Never name your daughter Fortune
Because she'll grow to be MissFortune.
My friend is very literal
He trips on every metaphor he stumbles across
Our Chinese food came without any cookies…
My daughter opening her fortune cookie:
“Hey, there’s no fortune in here”
Me: “that’s unfortunate”
My fortune cookie: “your sense of humor will get you through difficult times”.
I wanted to see a fortune teller but my wife didn’t want to because they’re always so depressed. So we compromised and found...
Had to tell my family we can't take the boat to the lake cause my truck broke down. Fortunately, avocado.
What do you call a fortune teller that provides his services for free?
Fortune tellers only come in one size
The business man opened a shadow puppet theater that should make a fortune!
But that’s just projected figures.
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that broke out of jail?
Police are saying there is a small medium at large
I went to a fortune tellers conference. They had free t-shirts.
I made matching t-shirts for the members of my fortune tellers club...
But it turned out not all of them were mediums
My fortune cookie did good
My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. “State of the Art,” he said, “It cost me a fortune.”
I said, “Awesome. What type is it?”
He said, “ Two thirty.”
I went to get my fortune told. I walked into the lobby and asked the receptionist if there was a fee.
She just shook her head and said "This is a non-prophet organization."
Damn, now he won't find out his fortune.
Two fortune tellers meet on the street.
One says to the other, “You’re fine, how am I?”
How does French Super Mario tell his fortune?
Did you know they’re not making yardsticks any longer?
Fortunately, they’re not making them any shorter either.
If someone makes their fortune in ships, we call them a shipping magnate. If someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate. What do you call someone who makes their fortune...
I decided to make a fortune with a new invention, a pen vending machine!
An old woman goes to see the doctor. "I'm very gassy, but fortunately my farts are quiet and don't smell. In fact, I've farted three times since you came in, but know you haven't noticed at all."
The doc nods his head, gives her some pills and tells her to come back in a week.
A week later, the old woman comes back and is very upset. "I'm still very gassy, but now my farts are really loud and smell like a porta-potty at a chili festival!"
The doc says "Well now that we've cleared up your hearing and sense of smell, we can do something about your gas!"
This punny fortune from a fortune cookie.
What do you called a vegetable-based fortune telling card?
A murderous fortune telling dwarf...
is technically a small medium at large.
I met a bipolar fortune teller yesterday...
She says she either feels very manic, or quite depressed - never a happy medium.
(According to my facebook memories, I made this one up 7 years ago!)
I once took a librarian on a date, she cost me a fortune.
My own fault though, I kept her out too long.
What do you call a fortune telling dwarf who escapes from prison?
What do you call a short fortune teller who’s on the run?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
