"Opie, um..."
I told him you can't have your Kate and Edith too!!
She had perfect Naples, my jaw hit the Florence. I offered to buy her a drink but she scoffed, Turin away from me. I Romed the streets alone that night, feeling more than a little Sicily.
Their reasoning is the Bible says, "It's Adam and Eve, not Florence + the Machine."
She was Bee-itchy!
...was the first OP.
It won't touchdown
Because there are no fish in it.
For reference: the river is dirty as fuck.
Mine is probably the Ceiling Fan. "GO CEILINGS!"
driving down I-75 when we passed fire trucks outside of an urban active gym
Mom: Look at all of those fire trucks!
Dad: wow, they must really be burning those calories!
I live in South Carolina, sort of near the coast, and Hurricane Florence is headed this way. My two youngest children--total cowards--were helping me clear out all of the storm drains and curb gutters on our street to help the expected 10-20 inches of rain drain as best they can. Any time any insect flies past them, they scream bee and run away screaming. I'm talking like they're afraid of butterflies. My youngest says that Winter is her favorite season because all the bees are dead.
So, we finish up, and I go inside ahead of them, making them put the shovels away, and I hear, from inside, them running and crying/shrieking across the front porch and inside the house.
My youngest, amidst her sobs, says, "It was as big as a baseball" and holds the one I keep on my desk up for comparison.
I think make the B sign in ASL with both of my hands, stand up and say "BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ" at them while they run away in fear, and when the middle child says, "THAT'S NOT FUNNY" I keep moving towards them with my B hands while saying, "DO YOU WANT ME TO JUST LET YOU BEE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
I'm a great dad.
Florence?! Looks more like Venice to me.
Two 500lb canaries 😂 (Joke may or may not have been stolen from The Andy Griffith Show S2 EP5 "Barney on the Rebound")
My dad is out of the country with a cruise and texted me. I told him to Facebook message me so as to not waste his roaming minutes.
His response: Roming on Friday. Florencing tomorrow. Francing today."
I laughed in my cubicle and refused to explain why.
Dad and I talking about an upcoming Italy trip over skype.
Dad: Yeah I would like to visit Florence as well
Me: oh, Florence is amazing, I loved it there!
Dad:did you see the machine?
Me: (confused) machine? what machine?..........oh for fucks sake.
Dad laughs, I facepalm
My son, currently 'enduring' a semester abroad in Florence, Italy, messages me: "Remind me to tell you about the history of gianduja. It's absurd."
My response: "Yeah, I heard it's kind of nutty."
No applause, please. I'll be here all week. Try the lasagna.
