Sometimes I fantasize about quitting my job and going to work in an oyster bar....

...but I heard the work kinda shucks.

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📅︎ Feb 20 2016
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On Friday, the viagra I took got stuck in my throat.

Had a stiff neck all weekend.

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👤︎ u/hinojoe
📅︎ Oct 10 2022
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A cab driver picks up a nun, and won’t stop staring at her…

The nun asks why he’s staring, so the cab driver says, “Ever since I went to Catholic school, I’ve fantasized about kissing a nun.” The nun says, “I’ll kiss you, if you’re single and catholic.” The cab driver says, “I’m both.” The nun says, “Pull into an alley.” The nun proceeds to kiss the cab driver in a way that’d make a hooker blush. Back in the cab, the driver begins crying, “I lied… I’m married, and I’m Jewish.” The nun says, “That’s okay, you’re forgiven. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.”

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📅︎ Oct 15 2021
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Wedding Puns

The funniest and cutest wedding puns by Puns Ville

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.


Let’s talk about rights and lefts. You’re right so I left


Marriage is: Finding the one person to ANNOY for the rest of your life!


To some, marriage is a word. To others, a sentence.


When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.


Honeymoon: The holiday a man takes before he begins to work for a new boss.


When the TV repairman got married, the reception was excellent.


An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.


When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.


What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married? Cantelope.


Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe


To many girls think the word ‘marriage’ has a nice ring to it.


Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!


Two nuclear technicians got married. She was radiant and he was glowing.


Two florists got married. It was an arranged marriage.


Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.


Two pianists had a good marriage. They always were in a chord.


When a psychic showed me the girl I’ll marry, it was love at second sight.


The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.


At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, ‘Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?’ The other replied, ‘Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.’


After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, ‘You know, I was a fool when I married you.’ The husband replied, ‘Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.’


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.


A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’.  Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’


When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.


What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.  Second marriage is

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/Punsville
📅︎ Apr 26 2017
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My fantasy football team always wins...

Why would anyone fantasize a losing team?

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👤︎ u/Mazzack
📅︎ Dec 19 2017
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