What type of medical condition excites politicians?
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︎ May 15 2020
Spring excites me
Sometimes I get so excited that I wet my plants
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︎ May 16 2018
A very exciting pun
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︎ Mar 24 2020
Started an OnlyFans account. Pretty excited for my early retirement
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︎ Mar 28 2021
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy club.
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︎ Feb 16 2021
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."
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︎ Sep 01 2020
I was excited to get a large can of fine meat from Amazon.
But it turned out to be spam.
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︎ Feb 18 2021
My daughter got out of choir practice. She was talking about who her favorite conductors were, and was really excited about her favorite ones, because she said they were very good conductors.
Did they stick their fingers in an electrical socket?
"No... Why..?"
Well, then, how do you know if they were good conductors or not?
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︎ Feb 23 2021
Does a train have teeth?
Then how can it choo choo?
Complements of my 6 year old.
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︎ Mar 02 2021
Everyone's excited that 2020 is ending...
...but forget that the year after 2021 is 2020 too
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︎ Dec 28 2020
Why was the groom excited to take over his new brides cylindrical wooden rod factory
Because it was her dowelry.
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︎ Jan 18 2021
I told my husband I was excited to see who's nose our baby has on the ultrasound, his reply...
he can't have my nose, I need it!
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︎ Jan 16 2021
I have been making pencil sketches of my family and it's not exciting at all
Back to the drawing, bored
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Iβm excited it see Pun: The Musical
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︎ Dec 31 2020
You always have to keep your job exciting.
Being a well driller, I often dream I could drill right to the center of the earth.
If I didn't have such a great imagination my job would be just boring.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
Frankenstein was excited
It was his first 'body-building' competition.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Iβm excited for Jan 1, 2021
Then I can finally say that hindsight is 2020.
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Apparently Orion wasn't too excited about his new belt.
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︎ Sep 24 2020
My wife said she wanted to take me out. I was so excited...
Until I saw the body bag.
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︎ Oct 03 2020
People who wear glasses must be excited for next year.
It's the first time they'll see 2020.
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︎ Aug 19 2019
Just what is it about all the Psychics that I visit, they're either totally depressed or too excitable..
..it's really hard to find the happy Medium.
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︎ Aug 24 2020
Got a new tattoo
My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(
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︎ Nov 09 2020
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
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︎ Sep 23 2020
My wife was very excited to finally introduce our kids to her sister...
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︎ Oct 01 2020
I was really excited when my wife bought me a book for my birthday called β69 Mating Positionsβ.
Turns out itβs about Chess strategies.
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︎ Aug 30 2020
I know an archaeologist who found a human leg bone during an excavation. The other archaeologists got excited and went over to help him.
Turned out to be quite the shin dig.
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︎ Jun 25 2020
I can't find my cake anywhere.
I was so excited to eat it for Christmas but it was stollen.
Edit: tried to strengthen the Cake to Stollen connection.
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︎ Feb 21 2021
I donβt know why, but thereβs something exciting about evaluating womenβs armpits...
Its just really axilla rating.
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︎ Jul 27 2020
The mad scientist awoke, thrilled to see his clone right next to him.
He was beside himself with excitement.
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︎ Mar 05 2021
As a lepidopterist I find my job so exciting
it really gives me butterflies
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︎ Aug 26 2020
Iβm so excited! Scientists have tested cloning on humans.
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︎ May 26 2020
My date was really excited when I invited her over for cocktails, but she left extremely disappointed.
She didnβt want to hear stories about my rooster.
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︎ May 26 2020
I got an antique dosimeter from USSR and I was pretty excited.
Then I noticed it only measures comrads.
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︎ Jul 05 2020
Why did my son use wool on his minecraft airfield runway?
True story.
My son was excitedly telling us about his minecraft airfield that he was building, and he explained that, among many other details that my brain ignored, he made the runway out of wool. Other son asked why. I was very excited to tell him that it was because asphalt was expensive, and wool was sheep.
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︎ Feb 21 2021
I came home with a salamander on my shoulder and my son, all excited, shouted, "What's his name!?β Smiling, I replied, βTiny!" My kid laughed and asked, βWhat an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?β
I explained, βBecause...heβs my newt!"
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︎ Aug 04 2020
What do you call a cow without legs?
Ground beef.
(My Dad was very excited to tell me this during our video chat tonight)
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︎ Jan 03 2021
My wife was so excited when Spring came,
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︎ Mar 20 2021
Why were the group of coroners excited?
Because it was open Mike night!
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︎ Feb 17 2021
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy Club.
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︎ Nov 01 2020
I was excited to join the Autopsy Club
Wednesdayβs are Open Mike Night.
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︎ Oct 03 2020
Everyone was excited to be at our autopsy club this evening.
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︎ Aug 25 2020
So excited for autopsy club!
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︎ Sep 22 2020
I was so excited that 2020 is almost over.
Then I realized after 2021 is 2020 too.
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︎ Oct 11 2020
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy Club
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︎ Oct 02 2020
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy Club...
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︎ Nov 03 2020
What did the overly excited Gardner do when spring finally came?
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︎ Aug 25 2020
Everyone was excited about the Autopsy Club meeting...
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︎ Jun 19 2020
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