What type of medical condition excites politicians?

Pro-state cancer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LopsidedVader
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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Spring excites me

Sometimes I get so excited that I wet my plants

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lafleur2017
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2018
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A very exciting pun
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beta-pi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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Started an OnlyFans account. Pretty excited for my early retirement
πŸ‘︎ 744
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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Everyone was excited at the Autopsy club.

It was open Mike night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anytime200
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."

"Stairs don't talk!"

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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I was excited to get a large can of fine meat from Amazon.

But it turned out to be spam.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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My daughter got out of choir practice. She was talking about who her favorite conductors were, and was really excited about her favorite ones, because she said they were very good conductors.

Did they stick their fingers in an electrical socket?

"No... Why..?"

Well, then, how do you know if they were good conductors or not?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/der_innkeeper
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Does a train have teeth?

Then how can it choo choo?

Complements of my 6 year old.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikehawk86
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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Everyone's excited that 2020 is ending...

...but forget that the year after 2021 is 2020 too

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZackAshM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Why was the groom excited to take over his new brides cylindrical wooden rod factory

Because it was her dowelry.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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I told my husband I was excited to see who's nose our baby has on the ultrasound, his reply...

he can't have my nose, I need it!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FTM-Oct2020
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I have been making pencil sketches of my family and it's not exciting at all

Back to the drawing, bored

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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I’m excited it see Pun: The Musical

It’s a play on words

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobby_vance
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
You always have to keep your job exciting.

Being a well driller, I often dream I could drill right to the center of the earth.

If I didn't have such a great imagination my job would be just boring.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Frankenstein was excited

It was his first 'body-building' competition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sne4a
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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I’m excited for Jan 1, 2021

Then I can finally say that hindsight is 2020.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tkseizetheday
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently Orion wasn't too excited about his new belt.

He only gave it 3 stars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said she wanted to take me out. I was so excited...

Until I saw the body bag.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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People who wear glasses must be excited for next year.

It's the first time they'll see 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikkobe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Just what is it about all the Psychics that I visit, they're either totally depressed or too excitable..

..it's really hard to find the happy Medium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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Got a new tattoo

My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bosozokulove
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.

It's Groundbreaking work.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Zenchi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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My wife was very excited to finally introduce our kids to her sister...

It was Auntie Climactic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinjesus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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I was really excited when my wife bought me a book for my birthday called β€œ69 Mating Positions”.

Turns out it’s about Chess strategies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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I know an archaeologist who found a human leg bone during an excavation. The other archaeologists got excited and went over to help him.

Turned out to be quite the shin dig.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tenglempls
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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I can't find my cake anywhere.

I was so excited to eat it for Christmas but it was stollen.

Edit: tried to strengthen the Cake to Stollen connection.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sjlufi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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I don’t know why, but there’s something exciting about evaluating women’s armpits...

Its just really axilla rating.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CubanZirconium
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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The mad scientist awoke, thrilled to see his clone right next to him.

He was beside himself with excitement.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
As a lepidopterist I find my job so exciting

it really gives me butterflies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spankyham
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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I’m so excited! Scientists have tested cloning on humans.

Im beside myself

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSketchiest
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My date was really excited when I invited her over for cocktails, but she left extremely disappointed.

She didn’t want to hear stories about my rooster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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I got an antique dosimeter from USSR and I was pretty excited.

Then I noticed it only measures comrads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GentleMonsta
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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Why did my son use wool on his minecraft airfield runway?

True story.

My son was excitedly telling us about his minecraft airfield that he was building, and he explained that, among many other details that my brain ignored, he made the runway out of wool. Other son asked why. I was very excited to tell him that it was because asphalt was expensive, and wool was sheep.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/millia13
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I came home with a salamander on my shoulder and my son, all excited, shouted, "What's his name!?” Smiling, I replied, β€œTiny!" My kid laughed and asked, β€œWhat an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”

I explained, β€œBecause...he’s my newt!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow without legs?

Ground beef.

(My Dad was very excited to tell me this during our video chat tonight)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mgereau
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife was so excited when Spring came,

that she wet her plants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Why were the group of coroners excited?

Because it was open Mike night!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boop66
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy Club.

It was open Mike night!

πŸ‘︎ 191
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I was excited to join the Autopsy Club

Wednesday’s are Open Mike Night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Formaldefortress
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone was excited to be at our autopsy club this evening.

It was open Mike night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
So excited for autopsy club!

It's open mike night!

πŸ‘︎ 177
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I was so excited that 2020 is almost over.

Then I realized after 2021 is 2020 too.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy Club

it was open Mike night

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πŸ‘€︎ u/velvettriangles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone was excited at the Autopsy Club...

It was open Mike night.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the overly excited Gardner do when spring finally came?

He wet his plants!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaden-YoungBlood
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone was excited about the Autopsy Club meeting...

It was open Mike night.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrivateTumbleweed
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report

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