Every time i drive over a railroad crossing I say there's been a train through here recently do you know how I can tell?

It left it's tracks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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My brother has me worried. Any time he drives by a milk farm, he pulls over and leaves a few dollars on the fence.

Doesn’t he know cow tipping is illegal?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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Its times like this Im very glad I can't drive

What with all this talk of car-owner virus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grc208
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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Brought it in for an oil change, says he only drives it from time to time.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Accomplished_Owl
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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If I had a Delorean, I would probably only drive it from time to time.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theholmesian
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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Every time we pull into the drive-thru

"Hi! I'd like to place an order to go."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Happy_Each_Day
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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This sign I drive past on my way to work gets me every time.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaynasaur
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
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Any time we drive past a cemetery, my dad points and says ...

"That's the last place I want to go."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChimpyChild
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2013
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Every single time we drive by a cemetery....

Dad: do you know how many people are dead in there?

All of them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/infanteater1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2017
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Every time we drive past a cemetery.....

"I hear people are dying to get into that place."

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoWaitInDaTruck
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2013
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My dad uses these two jokes every time he drives past a cemetery.

"Wow! People must be dying to get in there."

Or

DAD: "What did one dead person say to another?"

ME: "What?"

DAD: "....................................."

ME: "Seriously, what did he say?"

DAD: "......................................"

ME: "OHHHHHHHH, I get it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonathanCutrona
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2013
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Every single time - without fail - that we drive past a cemetery, my dad proclaims:

"People are dying to get in there!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoofygoofy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2016
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Every. Single. Time we drive past a cemetery.

Dad: "Wow that graveyard is packed, do you know why it's so crowded?" "I heard people are dying to go there."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/violette0011
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2015
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My Dad every time we drive past a cemetery

"That's the dead centre of [wherever we are], that is!" `

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oneinchwalrus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2013
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As we approached the speaker in the Starbucks drive-thru, my wife was having a hard time deciding what she wanted.

I told her to chai harder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blumer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2017
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Every time we drive past...

a Yard Sale.

Dad: "Who would sell just the yard, what about the house?"

a Garage Sale.

Dad: "Where are they going to park their cars then?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smbrickner
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2013
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Every time I drive over some bumps in the road...

"What the... are you driving by braille or something?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gravityx100
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2014
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EVERY SINGLE time we drive through the farm lands

Dad: What do you call a cow with no legs.........!!!???!!

Everyone in the car:........wwhuut?

Dad: GROUND BEEF

Everyone:...........................ha!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slayercat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2013
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Me: Every time I drive by cows I always honk to see if they will turn and look. Dad: You want to know why they don't respond? Me: why? Dad: Because their horns don't work.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsteinhause
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
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Every time we drive up the turnpike through Elizabeth...

We're from NJ (he's been here his entire life). That part of the turnpike is how we get our bad name (smells, industrial, crime).

Every single time we drive through Elizabeth he proclaims, WHO'S ELIZABETH AND WHY SHE SMELL SO BAD?! followed by many self induced chuckles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/citylikeAMradio
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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Every time at the drive through..

"I'm sorry about your wait, go ahead with your order."

"No problem, I've been trying to cut back a little!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MinecraftHardon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2014
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Every time we drive by a "Sanitary Landfill" sign...

...I turn to my wife and ask, "do you think they sell napkins there?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimrob4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2014
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If I had a delorean, I'd only drive it from time to time.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/okidli1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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Every time we drive past a graveyard

Dad: man, people are dying to get in there

...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fxckthought
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2013
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Every time we drive by a graveyard...

Dad: "Do you know how many people are dead in there?"

Me: "No, how many?"

Dad: "All of them."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComedyJ
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2014
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Every time we drive by the cemetery

Dad: "How come there's a fence around the cemetery?" Me: "I dunno..." Dad: "People are 'dying' to get in!"

Every. Single. Time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vitti93
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2013
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