Can dogs stand spicy foods?

...or will they sit down?

From my 11 year old. So proud haha.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrDadJoke99
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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What's a dog's favorite food?

Pawsta.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mgrant8888
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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The F in communism stands for food, now there might not be a F in communism but there a dog in space
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhMyGodIsThatJojo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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What do you get if you buy your dog a higher quality dog food?

A pawsitive feedbark

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wowdoge69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2017
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I’m gonna open a dog food rating site.

Think I’ll call it Bone Appetit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Domthehuman1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
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Dog Food

I'm helping with dinner in the kitchen when a dog food commercial comes on. It was literally a 5 minute long ad telling about how generic dog food wasn't good for your dog and how I should buy their product. I'm scrubbing a dish, shaking my head, silently hoping someone changes the channel to something more entertaining and my dad looks up and exclaims "I don't know what the hell they're talking about!" I quickly look over at him waiting to hear his rationale over why he's so upset. He looks back slyly and says, "...tastes fine to me." I died laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pwise1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
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My father buying dog food at the grocery store.

Cashier (teenage boy): Would you like a bag for that? My dad: No thanks! I'm going to eat it in the car. cheesy dad smile Cashier: blank stare

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sweetpeaMcGee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2013
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The dogs are out of food she said

"The dogs are out off food honey" said my wife. "you'd better go get some this afternoon or we'll have a mutiny on or hands" she insisted.

"Don't you mean a muttany?" I'll see myself out, the site to the store then.

The whole time thinking "oh man the dad's on reddit are gonna love this one"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Note2scott
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
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My wife wants me to be more sensitive. So I got her abacus beads for her birthday.

She said, β€œWhat the hell are these?”

I said, β€œIt’s the little things that count.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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Lab test!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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We can't take our dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him...

Guess that's what we get for buying a pure bread dog...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2017
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Was at the grocery store with my son.

Saw a can of dog food with puppies on it. Asked my son if he wanted to see what dog from a can tastes like. The look on his face was priceless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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On a hot summer day, a woman has a hankering for a hot dog. She walks to the nearest hot dog stand and gets in line. Looking up to the front of the queue, she sees an elderly gentleman ordering a bratwurst...

He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.

Puzzled, the woman watches as the next customer, a young girl, walks up to order her hot dog.

As she takes the container of relish, she bursts into a fit of giggles and walks off with her food, still laughing merrily.

A middle-aged man steps up next. Shoveling sauerkraut onto his hot dog, he laughs uproariously and walks away grinning.

When she reaches the front of the line, the woman asks the hot dog vendor,

β€œExcuse me, sir, but why does everyone laugh when they get their hot dogs?”

β€œIt’s simple, ma’am.” he says, handing her a piping-hot sausage. β€œI’m surprised you haven’t discovered for yourself.”

Glancing at the mustard, the woman lets loose a peal of laughter.

β€œYa see, ma’am? The real_joke’s always in the condiments!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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I’m so proud of my son at the beach today

Me: The dog just dug up a bunch of sand into our food.

Son: Well it issss called a sandwich daddy.

Me: smiles and nods with approval

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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Perks of being a Dog

A dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.

He has his food prepared for him.

He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365.

His meals are provided at no cost to him.

By the way he does not need to pay for medical insurance.

He visits the doctor once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.

If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.

He receives these accommodations absolutely free.

He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.

All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head.......

..

..

..

..

A dog is like a β€œPOLITICIAN”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ammabmma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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Dad joked the cashier yesterday morning

I was buying a big bag of dog food and the cashier asked:

>"Is this all for you sir?"

to which I replied

>"No it's for my dogs"

the older woman behind me couldn't stop giggling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lonely_insomniac
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
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Halloween Puns

Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.


Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!


Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!


For Halloween I’m going to write β€œLife” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers


This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues


β€œHalloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.


Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!


I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.


How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!


When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day


What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!


What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood


What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us


What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A β€œhollow-weenie!”


Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost (goes).


How do you write a book about halloween? With a ghostwriter.



I’m going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do… by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely,


Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, β€œA lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?” The other monster replied, β€œBe a gentleman and roll them back to her.


The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you’re not will lead to a sweet reward.


I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election night.


I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I’m dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.


Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? Becuse he had no body to go with.


What did the bird say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!


What do Italian’s eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)


Why can’t the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.


What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!


What do ghosts eat for supper? Spooketi


What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it’s Halloween!!


What is the most important subject a witch learns in school? Spelling.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
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I just committed a dad joke and felt I should share.

Our dog's barking her head off, trying to get food from the table. I look to my daughter and say: "Must be a tree-dog."

"A tree-dog," she says, "why's that?"

"Because of all the bark!"

And then I got that look. If you're a dad, too, you know the one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kortalh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
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Hot Dog Puns

a friend's text to me: I have eaten three mini hot dogs

my response: Frankly, that sounds delicious

I declare you the weiner of the food contest

I hope you dance your buns off

I relish the opportunity to ketchup at a later date


I feel like I could have done more - any other good ones out there?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wowmomlol
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
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Not necessarily a dad joke, but a good retiree joke/brief story just using that wit.

A Retiree's Last Trip to Sam's Club

Yesterday I was at Sam's Club, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen , the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two handfuls every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care,because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thefluffydinosaur
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2013
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I was at a Christmas party that my dad's friend was throwing...

No one in attendance was under 55 when they dropped this bomb shell on each other:

My Dad: Hey Al, your dog is getting fat.

Al: He's on a sea food diet.

At this point all of the dads there jumped in and in perfect synchronization shouted: "See food and eat it!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vaticancameos221
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
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Some kids have no concept of fantasy metamorphosis.

So I'm at Costco picking up the hot dog meal I had added to my order at the checkout. The girl at the food court register yells to the guy working in the back, "Hey! Can you make me a hot dog?"

I looked at her dead serious, waved my spirit fingers, and said, "POOF! YOU'RE A HOT DOG!"

.... She didn't get it. Kids these days...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NGinuity
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2015
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The Man, the Sheep and the Dog

a man, a sheep and a dog are the only survivors of a shipwreck and get marooned on a desert island with more than enough food. days, weeks and months pass and the only thing the can look forward to on the island everyday is the beautiful sunset! every evening the man, the sheep and the dog go and watch the sunset... one day the man attempted to put his arm around the sheep and the dog goes crazy so he has to retract his arm. he angrily exclaims "I was just cuddling!" the next evening they are back on the beach and the man sees something out to sea... after further investigation he sees it is a unconscious woman on a raft! the man swims out and rescues the woman, takes her to shore and nurses her back to health they begin chatting and get on incredibly well, she was a beautiful young woman with a great sense of humour. the next evening the man, the woman, the sheep and the dog go to the beach to watch the sunset as per usual... whilst sitting on the beach the woman looked up at the man, and he looked back at her. she says how can I ever repay you? the man then says "you can you take the dog for a walk?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frzr-csgo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2015
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My dad got me pretty good today

Today we were discussing using a fork and knife to eat food that usually don't require it.

Me: I have to have a fork and knife. I can't eat a chili dog using just my hands

Dad: me neither. I usually have to eat it with my mouth

Thanks dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/my_name_isnt_Rick
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2014
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Dad got my mom after dinner

My mom made meatloaf for dinner (it was fairly good).

While doing dishes, my dad decided to put the scraps and some grease on a plate of dog food. He put the plate and the ground and kept turning it to tease the dog. This was right by the backdoor, and since it snowed today, there was a towel on which the dog dried his feet.

Me: the dog peed from you teasing him!

Mom: that's on you, dad!

Dad: it's not on me, it's on the towel!

Chuckling ensued.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evonb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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During dinner...

Mom: I gave the dog some leftovers from last night. Did he eat that plate?

Dad: No. He ate all of the food but left the plate. screams HEY, EAT THAT PLATE.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/catvenger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2014
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Two-for-one Yoga dadjoke vs momjoke

I was building a new deck at the back of my house for a grill. Then I decided that it needed a counter for food prep, holding beers, etc. Well now that I have a counter, wouldn't it be great to have an outdoor fridge? Yes, yes it would. Needless to say, the size of the deck got a little out of control.

My wife sees the framing going up and says, "What do you need all this space for?"

I say, "Grilling meat and relaxation."

She responds, "Are you planning to do yoga while you grill?"

I say, "Yes. Downward Hot Dog."

She quips, "Careful, you wouldn't want to burn your little Warrior."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/texasdonut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2014
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Auditing professor has his first kid on the way. He is prepared.

My auditing professor created a fictitious dog food company for us to audit because he has two golden retrievers he mentions pretty often. A student jokingly asks, "If your dogs eat this food, would that make them stakeholders in the company?" He replied, "Yes, they love steak."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jsfinegan91
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2014
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As a bagger in a grocery store, I hear the same dad joke over and over.

Me: Would you like your milk in a bag sir? Random Dad: No, I'll just keep it in the jug. Obligatory laugh because I work in customer service

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Renickulous333
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2014
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Dinner Table Dad Joke

When I was younger and I would leave the dinner table to go do something, I would ask my dad to "watch my food" (because our dogs would eat the food if they had a chance). My dad always replied with "why is it gonna do tricks?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RebelE16
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
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