Dad to his son; “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?”
Son; “Go on, then.”
Dad growls; “NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”
Son; “That’s Superman.”
Dad; “Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?”
I said, “Yes please.”
Waiter: “No problem sir. Today is special.”
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
Do you want to hear a physics joke?
Wait, I forgot watt was it.
Do you want to hear a long joke?
My 10 year old son said, “Hey Dad, do you know why I want to shoot a hog?”
“So we can have hamburgers!”
He was serious but it still cracked me up.
Do you want to hear 2 short jokes and 1 long joke
Joke
Joke
Joooooooooooooooooooke
Do you want to know where I store all my dad jokes?
I went to the store to buy a french loaf and the clerk asked me "how do you want this to be put away?"
This has been a crazy year. After everything that has happened though do you want to know the one thing that I can’t get over ?
Do you know why I want to perform a song for you?
It would be the “I sing on my cake” day.
Who do you call when you want to get rid of wrinkles
Do you want to know what really grinds my gears?
Do you want to know how I got out of Iraq?
Do you want to know a joke about the Chinese government?
What do you call a car that wants to speak to the manager
Clerk at the DMV: Do you want to be an organ donor?
Me, every single time without fail: Sure, but not right now. I’ve got stuff to do today.
I made up a joke so get ready to hate on me. Trump (I know it's topical).... Trump was nervous during the election and was asked "hey, do you want some spiced tea"?
Do you want to hear a joke about maize?
No you don't, it's really corny.
Him: Do you want to play among us tonight?
Me: Sure, what are you playing?
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man
Do you guys want to know what I put in the wooden box I made and threw in the ocean?
Never mind it’s a sea-crate....
(I made this up please don’t murder me)
So why do you want to become a citizen of Switzerland?
I don't have any particular reason why, but the flag definetly is a big plus.
inspired from r/memes
Do you want to hear a pizza joke?
I bet not. Its too cheesy.
Trump and Pence were preparing to leave the Whitehouse for a big rally. When the helicopter arrived, Trump wasn't ready yet, so Pence asked: "Do you want me to wait for you Mr. President?" ...
"No Mike, you fly on ahead and I'll catch up later".
What do you say when your wife is so envious of your peanut butter obsession she wants to put it on herself in the bedroom?
What do you call it when you want to have the same breakfast every day?
What animal do you want to be when you're cold?
A little 'otter
Joke by my grandpa
What do you call a vehicle that just wants to greet people ?
Have you heard about the new game getting released? It’s AI is 20 years ahead of it’s time, graphics are truly real life, an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible. It’s called:
Go outside and ride your bike
Dad: Do you want to hear a joke about ghosts?
(Me): No Dad, I don't.
||
(Dad): That's the spirit.
“Mr. Bond, you are turning old and grey. Do you want to colour your hair?”
Bond: No time to Dye. Dye another day.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
Doctor: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?
Patient: Good news please.
Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.
What do you say when someone wants to stitch their own wound?
Nun: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Billy: A fireman!
Suzie: An accountant!
Jackie: A prostitute!
Nun: WHAT?
Jackie: A prostitute.
Nun: Praise the Lord! I thought you said protestant.
What do you give to a potato chip that you want to marry?
Do you want to hear a running joke?
After I bought my dad his retirement condo, I asked him, “What do you want to do with it?”
He said, “I just...want to live in the present.”
Do you want to know what one of the coolest gifts you could ever get someone is?
Where do you go if you want to stop a water flow by wedging in hundreds of small furry animals?
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
Do you want to know how I got out of Iraq?
My son asked me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I laughed, “That’s Superman.”
He said, “Thanks dad, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
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