Disrespectful
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Where do disrespectful Hungarians go?

Rudapest.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dorathedestroyed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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Dissappear
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoonBear696
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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The funniest part of any pizza joke...

...is the delivery.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPaladin1176
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
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Nihilism means nothing to me
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zlekingoforks
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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Pulled a real groaner while closing on our new house today

My wife and I are signing our loan docs today with the title company.

Wife: "I don't get why you sign your name so fast but write the date so slow."

Me: "I guess ever since we got married I don't date as often as I used to."

Title Lady: "Booooooo."

She later acknowledged that she hadn't heard that one in 21 years of doing her job. I've never been so proud and ashamed at the same time.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FritzTrockels
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2014
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I keep getting emails that a hot local woman wants to fuck me...

I appreciate it, I guess, but it also feels a bit disrespectful for them to talk about my wife like that?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Writhyn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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How does Santa avoid rain? Rudolf the red knows rain dear
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckauey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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Pun help?

I am known among my peers as one who makes puns for people's birthdays (eg: someones last name was Rawlinson, so I said have a BAWLINson birthday). But, this time, I am having a hard time making a pun. The name is Kolton, sometimes known as Kolt. May the puns be with you.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weiners101
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2014
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"Good night, no more games, go to sleep now" I say. "But Daddy..." my daughter says...

"And don't call me Buttdaddy! It's disrespectful!" I reply.

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcb720
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
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I hate going to restaurants

I mean the meal is usually great but the waitress always gets my name wrong. "You're bill sir." I always tell them my name is Oli! Even when I show them my name on my card, they just laugh at me! It's so disrespectful!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/briggzzzz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
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A dirty-ish joke that my dad once told me...

So my dad told me this joke several years ago. I later found it on the internet. So I'm just pasting it here as it is written online:


A good looking man walked into an agent’s office in Hollywood and said β€˜I want to be a movie star.’ Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, β€˜What’s your name?’

The guy said, β€˜My name is Penis van Lesbian.’

The agent said, β€˜Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood you are going to have to change your name.’

β€˜I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever!’

The agent said, β€˜Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years… you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I’m telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you.’

β€˜So be it! I guess we will not do business together’ the guy said and he left the agent’s office.

FIVE YEARS LATER….. The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed:

Dear Sir,

Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood and you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,

Dick van Dyke

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HAL9000000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2013
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