You look for the fresh prints!
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
Japan.
That was the punchline
He said, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”.
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
Really big hands
..to find exactly 32 of them.
With a cowculator!
Capital of Ireland
It's Dublin everyday
Every time I ask someone, they tell me "it's private."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
And then you will all be sorry.
But people in Abu Dhabi do.
With a sea saw!
Bob
Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
It can write other things too.
The zookeeper told me it was bred in captivity.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
Eeyore. Because in battle, he becomes a...
War Eeyore.
"Because you're the largest re-tailer in the world!"
Outlaws are wanted
They’re both Paris sites
His condition is stable now
Because Lisa Kudrow.
Dim sum.
They supported The Doors.
I don’t know y
Now I have stable Wifi
"It’s pasture bedtime!”
Go to the corner, it's 90°
You get quacks in the sidewalk
People said I must be in Seine.
You can hide, but you can’t run!
He looks at me and says ‘It’s for your brother!’
Edit: Today he said he has to get all the info for my brothers trophy… because my brother just had a son and my dad wants to get a commemorative ‘trophy’ for his grandson! D’oh! I’m supposed to be helping him with his confusion.
After you come out, you're American...
What are you when you're in the bathroom?
European
(as told by my 10 year old daughter)
ICU.
“Medusa”
That would be Paddy O’Furniture!
