Did you hear about the troublesome loft conversion?

It was a problematic.

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π€︎ u/m00omi
π︎ Nov 24 2019
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Math Conversions

1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

Credit to my economics professor

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π€︎ u/_kleco
π︎ Sep 10 2019
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Local conversion rates apply
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π€︎ u/mrtschndr
π︎ Jun 02 2018
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Text message conversation with my dad the other day, where I out-dadded him.

Dad: Give me your best knock knock joke. Or jokes. Do it when you can no rush.

Me: Does it have to be a knock knock joke or can it be any joke?

Me: Whoβs there?

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π€︎ u/NC0828
π︎ Oct 09 2020
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A real conversation I had last night

Me: βYβknow, normally yeah it is, but with you itβs nothing hard at all...β

Edit: I made this joke completely by accident and then immediately started laughing like a maniac.

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π€︎ u/Choopzilla
π︎ Jan 31 2021
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Daughter (complaining): :Daaaad, that's boring!" Son (overhearing end of conversation): "What's boring?"

Me (to son): digging holes in the ground.

mum: snigger

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π€︎ u/td941
π︎ Jan 17 2021
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[an actual conversation I had with my beer loving father]

Me: "Hey dad, hypothetically, if the world suddenly ran out of beer, what would you do?"

Dad: "I'd probably swap to pandas."

Me: "Is ... is that like a type of cider?"

Dad: "No, it's a black and white animal."

Me: "Dad? There aren't any pandas in New Zealand?"

Dad: "Well, there's no bears either."

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π€︎ u/yupitsnoone
π︎ Oct 20 2020
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A touching conversation
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π€︎ u/LazyYoda
π︎ Sep 29 2020
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I met a midget once, our conversation was very awkward...

Iβm not very good at small talk.

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π€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
π︎ Nov 29 2020
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π€︎ u/J-L-Picard
π︎ Dec 03 2020
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Just a regular conversation
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π€︎ u/Jluke223
π︎ Jul 02 2020
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Conversations about mythical creatures can sometimes drag on
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π︎ Oct 31 2020
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Three old ladies were having a picnic when the following conversation took place.

First lady: Isnβt it a bit windy? Second lady: I thought it was Thursday. Third lady: Me too, letβs have a cup of tea.

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π€︎ u/Dusk118
π︎ Dec 27 2020
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I just had a text conversation with my daughter...

She was sitting in the car at the mall while her mother shopped. I was sitting inside the mall but outside the shop waiting and wishing I was dead.

Daughter: How much longer, I have to pee.

Me: I have no idea. You'd better come inside, if you don't, urine trouble.

Daughter: You're an idiot.

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π︎ Nov 17 2020
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A conversation with my 11 year old this morning...

Son: Dad, there's a hole in your t-shirt. Me: I know, it's my religious t-shirt. Son: gives me a blank look Me: It's holy!

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π€︎ u/DarthCoffeeBean
π︎ Oct 10 2020
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Conversation with my 2y old son: What will happen if the moon falls down? Me: Hmm. Maybe we can play football with it?

Son: Nah. The moon has no legs.

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π€︎ u/Strungen
π︎ Nov 15 2020
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A conversation with Dracula

me: iβm going to make one of those diagrams that uses circles

dracula: venn

me: probably tomorrow

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π€︎ u/notmypornaccount9
π︎ Sep 25 2020
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Topical...
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π€︎ u/vidman33
π︎ Nov 05 2020
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A real conversation between my brother and his wife + me

Brother: Babe, we need to eat all the pears, theyβre going to go bad soon.

SIL: but I donβt like pears, you can eat the rest of them...

Brother: I donβt think I can eat the rest of them by myself though...

Me, from another part of the room: well you better pre-pear yourself!

*ugly laughs from the couch

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π€︎ u/easolo23
π︎ Oct 12 2020
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An eggstra special conversation
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π€︎ u/MonkeyMan_Man
π︎ Sep 25 2020
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I had a conversation with a ghost once

But I knew it was lying because I could see right thourgh it

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π€︎ u/zombiehunter201
π︎ Sep 28 2020
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School Drop off Conversation

A Conversation I had with my Daughter when I dropped her off at school

Me: Hey so you know how your cats are always running around all over the place right?
Daughter: Yeah why?
Me: So When they stop moving are they on Paws?
Daughter: Face Palms and says "OKAY DAD BYEEE!!!"
Me: YESSSS! Fist Pump!

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π€︎ u/ajmansell
π︎ Oct 26 2020
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I can never have a good conversation about wrenches with anyone...

I guess there just isnβt that much to torque about.

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π€︎ u/LazyBeast_Gaming
π︎ Oct 01 2020
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So I had this conversation with a friend just now
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π€︎ u/Atairy
π︎ Aug 07 2020
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Why don't people like having conversations with the ocean?

Because it's always salty!

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π€︎ u/phantombrowser405
π︎ Aug 12 2020
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Every summer I get bit by one thousand and twenty four bugs.

My wife told me to get over it cause it was just one byte.

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π€︎ u/ChaosDragoon89
π︎ Jan 02 2021
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What do you call a conversation with Beyonce from beyond the grave?

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π€︎ u/EckisReckis
π︎ Oct 23 2020
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Just had a quick conversation with my dad and thought it belonged here

Me: The washer is free

Dad: No it wasnβt, it cost a lot

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π€︎ u/unions-orchid
π︎ Oct 11 2020
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Verbatim account of a conversation with my son at breakfast this morning that makes me feel like Iβm dadding well:

Son: βI hate crumbs.β

Me: βThatβs not cool. Crumbs never did anything to you.β

Son: βWell I donβt want to eat them.β

Me: βAnd they donβt want to eat you.β

Son: βCrumbs canβt eat anything, Dad. They donβt have a mouth and they canβt swallow things inside them.β

Me: βWhat if thereβs a river of crumbs going into the ocean and a duck lands on them and itβs like quicksand so the duck gets swallowed up at the mouth of the river of crumbs? Iβd say it just got eaten.β

Son: βAnd Iβd say youβre ducking weird.β

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π€︎ u/VeryLastBison
π︎ Sep 09 2020
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Honest conversation.
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π€︎ u/elko
π︎ Jul 10 2020
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A legit conversation today with my 2 1/2 year old son as we do our daily stroll past a train station that for once, has no trains stationed...

Son: Daddy, where is Thomas? Daddy: I donβt know, mate. Son: He must be working from home today.

Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.

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π€︎ u/dens382
π︎ Apr 25 2020
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I was born a tree with a penchant for conversation

And I will die a log.

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π€︎ u/willowhelmiam
π︎ Sep 13 2020
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My school going son throws a tantrum everytime I bring up maths and numbers in ordinary conversations

Well, what can i say, kids his age are irrational

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π€︎ u/orschinparjin
π︎ Aug 20 2020
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Never get into a conversation with a flying reptile

Their conversations always dragon for way too long

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π€︎ u/Pusilli
π︎ Sep 02 2020
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Iβm not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks.

It helps me speak boulder.

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π€︎ u/FinalCaveat
π︎ Jul 07 2020
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Such a classic and unoriginal, but my dad just slipped this in a conversation.

I said yes.

He said, You had better catch it then

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π€︎ u/RekYaAll
π︎ Aug 09 2020
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Two melons were having a conversation about their furture

They were in love, but one of their parents refused to let one of the melons marry the other, so it suggested that they run off and get married. The other melon said, "I'm sorry, but I cantaloupe."

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π€︎ u/MasterCheezOtter
π︎ Aug 18 2020
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Two friends are having a conversation. "My wife has just gone on vacation in the Carribbean" say's one. "Jamaica?" replies the other.

No, she wanted to go.

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π€︎ u/EastlyGod1
π︎ Aug 13 2020
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As a dad of boys, poop is always a solid conversation topic.

Sometimes, not so solid, either.

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π€︎ u/astucker85
π︎ Jun 24 2020
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I once had a conversation with a dolphin

We just clicked

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π€︎ u/_sup_homie_
π︎ Jun 24 2020
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Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight

There would be mass confusion

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π€︎ u/Alluxin_
π︎ Nov 08 2020
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When you see a person person at the bus stop with no arms and legs donβt start a conversation with...

βHi, how are you getting on?β

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π€︎ u/cwwspurs
π︎ Jul 23 2020
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Take a look at this conversation I had last night
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π︎ Apr 29 2020
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I tried to start a conversation in the public restroom...

but everyone was occupied

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π€︎ u/Persons1001
π︎ Jul 01 2020
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Lockdown conversation travel puns

Me: You really cannot say when the lockdown will end, KENYA?

She: yeah, this SPAIN hurts

Me: stay home and be safe, whats the RUSSIA?

She: I am bored, VENICE this gonna end?

Me: At least your savings is DUBLIN right?

She: I give up, IRAN out of travel puns now

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π€︎ u/happy_watcher
π︎ May 23 2020
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Quite a plane conversation
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π︎ Jul 12 2019
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I'm ashamed
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π€︎ u/okie-bubba2
π︎ Oct 22 2020
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I tried having a conversation with the rudest car salesman ever.

He just kept saying he had 0% interest.

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π€︎ u/shimmywaffles
π︎ Jun 11 2020
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Bagels
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π︎ Oct 04 2020
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