THIS JUST IN: A man is still in critical condition after swallowing $100,000 in large bills.

No change is expected

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πŸ‘€︎ u/junerlegion
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
So my hotel just tried to charge me ten extra dollars for air conditioning..

That wasn’t cool.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TylerDurdenSEA
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Just heard the latest on Tiger's condition.

He's not out of the Woods yet!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I gave the dog a bath today and the wife noticed how soft she was and asked β€œDid you condition her?”

So I said β€œyeah, I rang a bell and then fed her”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billwashere
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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Road Signs Across The Country Are Warning Drivers Of Road Conditions

I C Y

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bawkalor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet....

I get hungry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/conjunctivitis/

Thats a site for sore eyes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaymonDGYC
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Due to freezing conditions in New York, the mens American Naturist Society....

.....has seen the size of their members shrink dramatically.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are models against air conditioning?

Because they use OnlyFans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skyhighjams
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do they condition hospital I.V. bottles?

Because everyone loves smooth saline!

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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I have an ant infestation in my fridge and air-conditioning units!

They're refrigerants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/repostssleuthbot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Kissing someone is human version of accepting germs and conditions
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TickleLife
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Marty McFly's Delorean in such good condition?

Because he only drove it from time to time.

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Sadly due to a neurological condition, I have a permanent hand tremor..

Good side is that when I do a handshake, I do it literally.

(Condition is inoperable brain tumour)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the coolest disease or condition one can die from?

Hypothermia! It’s the coolest way to go.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are AC/DC always so hungry?

Because it’s a long way to the shop if you want a sausage roll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NZOC
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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I'm looking to sell my Delorean. It’s in Great condition, low mileage..

Only driven from time to time!

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
how are air conditioning and computers similar?

they don't work as well if you open windows

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexparker70
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a survivalist with air conditioning?

A chilly prepper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HueyLameass
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a condition where I spontaneously and randomly tell jokes to people

It's a gag reflex

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fingadod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My doctor assessed my condition and grimaced. 'I--uh, I give you two weeks max."

"Bad news," I said, "and my name is Tom."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What does air conditioning and a 10 year old computer have in common?

Both of them are useless when you open windows

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheStupidWanker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the priest who was admitted into the hospital with over two dozen little plastic horses lodged in his rectum.

Doctors say he is in stable condition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mgsalinger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I was diagnosed with a condition where I can't stop making airport jokes.

The doctor said it was terminal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Popular333
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Out air conditioning just went out, it's 81Β°F in the house. My dog is looking at me like...

"This is not cool..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPossible
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The comments on the post of a video where a man who flew from Emirates (using hot air balloons) and was found in Oman in a critical condition. I doubt if that video Israel..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Irish Decepticon with a skin condition?

A leper-con!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cylasbreakdown
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a condition where my body is invisible to the naked eye.

I went to the doctor, and he said, "Sorry, I can't see you now."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/195236
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of medical condition excites politicians?

Pro-state cancer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LopsidedVader
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The comments on the post of a video where a man who flew from Emirates (using hot air balloons) and was found in Oman in a critical condition. I doubt if that video Israel..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the metaphysical highway sign say to warn drivers about wintry driving conditions?

Bridges may be, icy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?

Because he conditions it.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhena_lahrie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is Pavlov’s hair so soft??

Because he conditioned it. πŸ˜‚

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TattooedTimi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I call myself terms and conditions

Because y'all keep ignoring me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A1B1D1U1L1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate insomnia, it's a horrible condition

I'm losing sleep over it.

On the plus side, it's only 3 more sleeps until Christmas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J96x_Rob_LFC
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of medical condition causes wrinkles clothes?

An iron deficiency.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Misplaced_Texan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
There was an old lady who swallowed a horse

Her condition is stable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peterburk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do we need toothpaste?

Because they keep our teeth in mint condition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cocomaybechanel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said β€˜if you need anything, I’m Jill.’

I’ve never met anyone with a conditional identity before.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsRynGYT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Mr. Ed

Man, I was worried when Mr. Ed had to be hospitalized. But now I've heard he's back home and his condition is stable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spinoza418
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's dog and SchrΓΆdinger's cat...

She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Attinaux
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who had 12 plastic horses up his butt?

Doctor's reported his condition as stable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smusac
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do they condition all of the I.V. bottles at the hospital?

Everyone loves smooth saline!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was admitted to the hospital for horses in him

He’s in stable condition

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A man is still in critical condition after swallowing $250,000 in large bills

No change is expected.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Limelight_019283
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report

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