My wife said "I look fat, give me a compliment"

I said "you got perfect eyesight."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taff-Price
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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I can’t do good work in Excel without getting compliments,

I really need the validation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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Why didn't the pro golfer wear his golf shoes during the round? (Compliments of my stylist)

Because he's got a hole in one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smusac
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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How do you correctly compliment a dad joke?

Dads a good joke!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AbandonedS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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(Compliments of my 5 year old) Why did the chicken walk under the cow?

To get to the udder side

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beeturia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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Dad, I feel fat and ugly... Give me a compliment...

Dad: You have good eyesight !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Forkos34
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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My music teacher gave me the best compliment ever

So i (16M) like jokes. I told one to my (awesome dad joke enthusiast) music teacher that went something like.

him picking up a guitarr Me: why are you so strΓ€ng?

StrΓ€ng means guitarr string and also strict as in a strict teacher in Swedish.

He laughed a bit and said: "you are gonna make a great dad"

Thank you PΓ€r, love ya buddy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/luer1001
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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After a long day, it was nice to hear someone compliment my homemade bread.

I kneaded that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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Figure this one out, get a compliment!
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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"You da bomb!" is a compliment in the West.

And an argument in the Middle East.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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But I wonder what they really do when we tell the waiter to give compliments to the chef
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devanshi1618
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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I’m easy going, my wife says I’m handsome. She’s a control freak but I tell her she is beautiful. We are different but we compliment each other.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimple007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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There’s a school for communists, and do you know what the best compliment a teacher can give to a student there?

β€œTop Marx!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheClassicsAreAce
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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I found the perfect way to compliment my kids using mathematics

U =QTΟ€

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jetty_Boy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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How do you compliment a hard-working man who love cats?

You're very daddy-cated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/penboiyi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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My 7yo son to my 10yo son: β€œTell me a mean compliment”

Me interjecting: β€œYou’re average.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crunchybedsheets
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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What a compliment.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/electrocuter666
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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Girlfriend paid me a compliment.

GF: I like your forearms.

Me: I only have two.

I had to explain it, but then she slapped her forehead. I know, she only has one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shakynerves
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2014
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Elevators give really great compliments.

They're so uplifting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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Which bird is the best at searching for compliments?

The kingfisher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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Wife: β€œI look fat, I really want a compliment!”

Husband: β€œWell... You have amazing eyesight!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arch3typ3_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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How do cats compliment each other?

β€œYou look purrfect”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/murlockerLOL
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
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I'm pretty proud of this one [fishing for compliments]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turkycat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
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I gave a flat-earther a compliment.

He was flattered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhpXp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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Never give a short person compliment,

It goes straight over their head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sezel4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2017
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I NEED TO COMPLIMENT A GIRL WITH A HORSE REALTED PUN

PLEAS I NEED TO TELL AGIRL SHES PRETTY BUT I HAVE TO DO WITH A HORSE REALTED PUN OR JOKE HELP ME

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nintendo_megameme
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2016
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My wife’s friend gave me a compliment on my hair.

I said β€œthanks, I grow it myself.”

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πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
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If you teach someone how to give compliments...

...would you say you're a complimentor?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/analytik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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How do you compliment two tattoos on a lady ?

"Ayye.. Nice set of tats"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
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Shore I was having a whale of a time but now I'm just fishing for compliments. imgur.com/cWnWoW0
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeMoveMountains
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
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"We were getting fast food when the lady at the window said, 'Any condiments?' My dad responded, 'Compliments? You look very nice today!'”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AshleyJack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2017
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What do you call somone who compliments you pi times?

Irrationally nice

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Isenstar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2017
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Whenever someone compliments my hair...

I have really long a curly hair that people tend to compliment. So whenever someone says "I like your hair" or something of the like, I say "Thanks! I grew it myself!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tmarshon97
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2016
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Dad compliments my intelligence

Let's say I solved a fairly simple task, Dad tells me "wow you're a fart smeller, err, a smart feller."

He's been doing this to me for like 20 years now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/piranhadub
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
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My Grandfather told my Father this when he asked for good compliments to give to women.

"You don't sweat much for a fat girl!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HecklerK
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2014
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I've had a nice handlebar moustache for about a year now, and get a lot of compliments.

It's a conversation starter for sure, but once someone says "Hey nice moustache!" I always reply with "Thanks! It's grown on me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Damnyoureyes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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Wife: I look fat, Give me a compliment

Husband: You have perfect eyesight

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HydropowerEnergy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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Wife : "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment to cheer me up"

"You have perfect eyesight"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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After a long day it was nice to hear someone compliment my homemade bread

I kneaded that

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOneDiversity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Elevators give the best compliments.

They're so uplifting.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report

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