Cocking my gun
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xSh0
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the ashtray say to the cigarette?

"Nice butt"

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frogstomp420
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, what is C for?

Plastic explosives.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nebulas-Entity
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Me and my big hard white cock.
πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Withane82
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why would everything be different without a sense of touch?

Because we wouldn’t know how to feel

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vinyl_Vey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Looking for Chicken Names that are puns of Serial Killers

We are finally getting chickens! We are also obsessed with puns and serial killers. Can anyone of the much brighter minds than mine think of any good chicken related/true crime puns?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MSahnger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me what an updog was.

I told him it was an older version of a henway.

β€œWhat’s a henway?” My son asked.

β€œAbout 5 pounds” I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nakedurlrobot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
She’s taking the cock
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weeaboo-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Maybe this'll help someone's cock
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
When my Dad gets drunk, he always tells stories about his prize chickens.

He sure loves his cock-tales.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
WAITER: are you ready to order?

DAD: I’ll have the rabbit stew

WAITER: only if you promise not to say β€œwaiter there’s a hare in my soup” after I bring it

...

DAD: I’ll have the chicken

πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I matched with a chicken on tinder today
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Saltythebaker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Wanna see my cock
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wakkyandbrakky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Check out the big white cock on this dude!
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thumbs0fDestiny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Got wood? Well here’s a picture of my massive cock!
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkOnOrange
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bird that flies over the bay?

What do you call a bird that flies over the bay?

A bagel.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yeeter102030
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Just found out that cock fighting is done with roosters

Two years of training I am never gonna get back

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/banjowashisnameo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
If the stork is the bird of birth, what's the bird of birth control?

A swallow.

πŸ‘︎ 871
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nikkobe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone should build a gay club out of legos and name it "The Cock Block."
πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thecakeisaiive
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
🚨︎ report
A female weightlifter went to the doctors and said β€œdoctor I’ve been taking steroids and I’ve grown a cock”

β€œanabolic?” Asked the doctor.

β€œNo, just the cock”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/feedmesteak
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I wonder if it swallowed!
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fair_SOTS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Chickens

How do you keep a rooster from cock - a-doodle-doing on Monday morning?

Eat him for Sunday dinner .....

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What will happen if you decarbonize your COCK ?

no need to worry, you will be OK

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My neighbour has a large cock.

It crows every morning.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shaueng
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2016
🚨︎ report
Gotta ketchup
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaRealEnderguy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tutandgroan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife just dad joked the shit out of me...SOS

Wife: It's Sunday, we have to go back to work tomorrow.

Me: Yeah, at least it's jeans week next week.

Wife: Wait, so it's Jean's week for you next week?

Me: That's what I just said.

Wife: cocks eyebrow So it's my week???

Me: ...

Send help. I'm still in shock from my wife (Jean) pulling this epic dad joke off on me.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FluckDambe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Cock and sperm joke for kids

(This joke just deserved a more catchy title, sorry for the mess.)

Every Tuesday growing up, we had German sausages and sauerkraut for dinner - my dad's favorite. Since I can remember, my dad has told this joke and never misses a chance telling it till this day:

"You know kids, it's not the sausage that makes you fat, it's the sauce!"

Both my younger sister and l looked at eachother, rolled our eyes and thought - why is he telling this joke every single time.. it doesnt make sense! There is no sauce here! Only fried sausages, sauerkraut and potatoes. In fact, where is the goddamn sauce, we could need it. This dish is dry as shit! My poor mom shrugged her shoulders, seemingly just as confused.

When i was about 11-12, I caught up on my dad's hinting and eye contact after the punch line.. he wanted me to get the joke so bad at this point lol. I had a moment, as they say. Oh... OOHH. BOOM. Omg the "SAUCE"!! From the sausage.. makes some people fat.. as in pregnant.. Mind. Blown.

My sister, around 8 at that time, had a few hundred more sausage dinners to "ketchup" ;) I'm not doing so bad myself, 'ey?

Edit: For the slow people out there, this joke is about sausage=penis, sauce=sperm and getting fat=pregnant. Did you have your moment too?? Admittingly, the joke works better in my native language, but you get the idea.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeathrowHappymeal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
🚨︎ report
I got into an argument with the guy one farm over. He got so mad, he threw a rooster at me...

"Careful now!" I said. "Them's fightin' birds."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My ex can't take care of her hen so she gave it to me and asked me to name it

It's my Stephen

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MuadLib
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Hi future I’m dad
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bbbllaakkeee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Why doesn't any man need more than one rooster?

A cock a dude'll do.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
They're finally making a movie called "Cocks"...

It's about dicktatorship...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rude_ass
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2016
🚨︎ report
I'm pretty proud of this one. imgur.com/vBSvRcE
πŸ‘︎ 194
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BiFross_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2017
🚨︎ report
She gave me a BJ with some alternative rock playing in the background

I guess you can say I got some Radiohead

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/diego_godean
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2017
🚨︎ report
How can you tell if a hen chicken is a lesbian?

She doesn’t like cocks

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/palmateer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Never let a urologist perform laser eye surgery on you

...

You might end up cock eyed.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sumguywithkids
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My son got me tonight...

After folding clothes I told him to put his pillowcase on his pillow. Found this 15 minutes later. https://imgur.com/gallery/KIraN

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Do you guys like ramen ?

Not me, i like my men cooked

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wiilyy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a Japanese person with a rooster?

A cock Asian.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jazst
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
i collect ties with chickens on them

i brag to friends about my hen tie collection at home.

....a friend pointed out that one of my hen ties actually has a cock and not a hen. i quipped that in tie land, it can be hard to tell them apart.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why doesn't any man need more than one rooster?

A cock a dude'll do.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.