Chuckle Brothers Puns

Yoda: Off course we are.

Great! Because even doe they're coney, I'm a rabbit fan of a really bunny jokr. Sorry if it bugs you, but they make me hoppy and I hope they multiply.

I'm all ears whenever I hare one, br'ers nothing better. If I had burrowed a buck fur every one that's cotton me to chuckle I could buy a 10 carrot ring just in case my brother Jackelopes.

Shoot, I can't remember what the joke was now...

Oh well, Lettuce leaf it there, I've got to bounce over to IHOP for lunch.

I walk into the room, and my dad almost calls me by my older brother's name (we look a lot alike).

Dad: Oh hey Ry... uh.. Chuck, Henry, Fred. What do we call you again?

Me: Thanks dad..

Dad: I like Fred, I'll call you Fred. He chuckles and says: Go help bring in groceries.

Me: .....

Today at the dinner table, my family and I were discussing wine when my brother says "Yes, but I find wine to be foul!"

My dad, from across the table chimes in "I personally find chicken to be fowl."

A wave of groans and chuckles ensued.

It said cancer likes to thrive in an acidic environment. The article rated popular bottled water brands to show their pH balance. Evian had the lowest acidity so it was considered the best to drink.

I turned to him and said, "Let me get this straight. The article is essentially saying, 'It's all about that base.'"

Eyes were rolled and soft chuckles were had. Although we're brothers, we agreed that was definitely something dad would say.

Me: "Hey, there's hummus in the fridge, do we have any crackers?" Dad: "Yeah, there's four of 'em right here." I laugh, he chuckles, my Mom and Brother groan. (Yes, we are a Caucasian family.)

So I'm not a dad but I do have fatherly aspirations. I told this joke at a wedding for a friend of mine. All names have changed except the bride's last name- it's a big part of the joke. My buddy we'll call Bob Smith, and his bride is Jane Patton.

After the father of the bride gives his toast, and the best man does his, I grab the mike from the best man and begin. This is as verbatim as I can remember. So I intro myself and promise to keep my comment short and say,

"Bob, I just want to say you're a great friend of mine, like a brother, and one thing I love about you is you're always surprising me. Like today for instance, I didn't know you were an inventor. Lo and behold, you've got your name on a Patton!"

Chuckles, drowned out by groans. I apologize and return to my seat.

So my dad gets free gas once a week from the company he works for. Last night my 10 year old brother asks him Bro: Dad, do you ever have to pay for gas? Dad: Yeah, sometimes I have to sleep in the guest room I actually chuckled

My dad yelled down into the basement where we are watching the Bruins-Canadiens game.

Dad: Hey, are my slippers down there? If they are, can you throw them up?

My brother: Sure, but that'll require me to eat them first!

It made me chuckle.

Me and my brother (looking after his son) having a conversation after I got back from a short holiday.

Me: I can't get into my house at the moment...

Brother: Why not?

Me: Turns out it flooded while I was away, hot water pipes burst...

Brother: That must have dampened the mood!

Brother proceeds to move his sons mouth into a mock laughing motion as he chuckles to himself.

So I'm out to dinner with my girlfriend and my family. We're waiting by the outdoor bar with a pager for when our table is ready. After a while of waiting, the following happens:

Girlfriend: Who has the... thingy?" (referring to the pager).

Me: "I have a thingy!"

Brother: Chuckles "No, the thingy... The one that vibrates."

Me: "Wait, yours vibrates?!"

My dad and I started laughing pretty hard at this point.

My mother has given birth to 5 boys, no girls, of which I am the oldest. Sitting at dinner after two of my younger brothers duked out, my mother begins...

"There are too many penises in this house!"

Dad replied, "Oh, you're just jealous."

"No, I'm not. I much prefer my boobs."

"Sounds like you're in denial."

I chimed in, "Don't you mean penile?"

I was rewarded with a hearty chuckle from my father and a roll of the eyes from my mother. The signs of a good days work.

I was cooking bacon and egg tacos for my 8 year old brother Kevin

Kevin: "Hey I'm thirsty"

Me: "Hey Thursday, I'm Friday" I chuckle to myself, and he comes back with

Kevin: "Sounds like a personal problem, wanna taco about it?

My brother looked over to a sign that pointed out to where the cakewalk would be. He had never been to a cakewalk before, and so he asks out loud, 'Hey, Mom, what's a cakewalk?'

Mom thought for a moment, and she had never been in one either. She shrugged. 'I don't know, I've never been to a cakewalk.' My dad simply chuckled and responded. 'That's because we always do things the hard way.'

One night when we were sitting around the table eating dinner my brother was showing off his beard talking about how he was doing "No Shave November". My Dad gets up, gets another beer, sits down and just goes, "What's next? No Dump December?" He was sitting there chuckling so hard to himself he couldn't eat another bite.

We had finished eating dinner at a restaurant and we were about to leave. My dad asked my brother if he had any cash for the tip and he said yes but that it had gone through the washer and as he put it "flaky." I could tell my dad was smirking even before he said it. He hits us with "Oh, well we can't use that if it's laundered." We all just kind of rolled our eyes and chuckled. He seemed so proud of himself.

We were riding in the car on our way to Atlantic City, New Jersey. Things were surprisingly calm for my family of five. Kids in the back, parents up front. Randomly, my sister asks my brother if he still has Lyme disease. He caught it two summers ago when we lived in an area with many ticks. My brother replies, "no, not anymore". Then my dad turns to face us from the passenger seat: "Yeah, it turned into Lemon disease". I chuckled because I immediately was reminded of this subreddit but my brother wasn't as amused. "Not even a little fucking funny".

My little brother just took the training wheels off his bike. He starts making his way down the driveway.

brother: "i can't slow down!" crashes into garbage cans

dad: "come over here so i can pick you up!"

my little brother chuckled and i tried my best to hold it all in.