How to Catch a Polar Bear: 1)Find a frozen lake 2)Dig a hole in the ice 3)Surround the hole with frozen peas 4)Hide nearby.
When the bear stops to take a pea, kick it in the ice hole!
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︎ Jul 04 2020
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?
Yoda: In charge of scheduling, I was.
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︎ Jun 29 2020
β-1 2^3 β Ο
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︎ May 31 2020
Why do 1, 2, 3, 5, and 7 keep attacking me?
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︎ Apr 13 2020
My dad named his iPhone "Titanic 1," his iPad "Titanic 2," and his MacBook "Titanic 3"
I asked him how he came up with those names.
He said, "Because they're all syncing."
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︎ Mar 25 2020
This joke ends in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 3, 2, 1
Itβs a four-gone conclusion.
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︎ Dec 10 2019
1. Cockadoodle 2. Yabba Dabba 3. Voo 4. Sea 5. Didgeri
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︎ Sep 26 2019
In Jamaica, an Apple pie costs about $2.00, while a Pecan pie costs $2.50 and a Rhubarb pie costs $3.00. In the Bahamas, an Apple pie is $1.50, a Pecan pie is $2.00, and a Rhubarb pie is $2.50.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
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︎ May 28 2019
Well It's 1 for the Money, 2 For the Show, 3 To Get Ready.....
4 For Sales
5 For Customer Service or
6 to hear these options again
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︎ Jan 02 2019
I want to get my buddy a good present but all I can find is a painting that has a prostitute saying, "1,2,3,4..." and I don't think he'll like it.
But it's the thot that counts.
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︎ Jul 15 2019
3 part dad joke - 2 clean, 1 not
Q: What do you call a deer with no eye?
A: No-eye-deer
Q: What do call a deer with no eye and no legs?
A: Still no-eye-deer
Q: What do you call a deer with no eye, no legs and no penis?
A: Still no-fucking-eye-deer
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︎ Jul 20 2019
Why are 1 and 3 jealous of 2?
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︎ Apr 16 2019
Iβm so happy, my 3 year old daughter is learning Dad Jokes! Went to our local Zoo today and 1/2 way around there is a cafe so I asked her if she wanted an ice cream... and she said...
I Scream - aaaarrrhhhhh...
Even better when actually a true story!
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︎ May 11 2019
Choose a number between 1 and 10. Now multiply it by 2, add 3, and subtract 7. Close your eyes.
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︎ Dec 27 2018
A boy climbed up onto his Dad's shoulders and started reciting numbers "1... 2... 3..." His father said "Hey! What are you doing? Get off of there..."
His son replied "Dad - don't let me down. I'm counting on you."
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︎ Apr 17 2018
1.Does God exist? 2. Is there all there is to it? 3.
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︎ May 31 2018
1. Blue plastic bucket for watering, car-washing, etc. 2. Red plastic bucket for mopping floors, cleanup from painting, plumbing disasters. 3. Green metal pail for compostable table scraps.
...and that's my Bucket List.
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︎ May 29 2018
20 month old dad joked my 3 1/2 year old...
So my oldest was having my youngest say things back to her in the car on the way to daycare this morning. Mostly to be funny - things like booger and toot.
Oldest finally starts trying to have her say a bunch of stuff... Went like this.
Oldest: "ok, say, booger and red and blue and tree and car and boat." Pause, "hey! Say this!"
Youngest: "This!"
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︎ Sep 26 2014
3 unwritten rules of life: 1. 2. 3.
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︎ May 21 2020
Why did Episodes 4, 5 and 6 come out before 1, 2 and 3?
In charge of scheduling Yoda was.
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︎ May 04 2020
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?
In charge of the sequence. Yoda was.
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︎ Oct 18 2019
Why did Star Wars 4, 5, and 6 come before 1, 2 and 3?
Because in charge of the schedule Yoda was.
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︎ Jun 30 2019
β-1 2^3 β Ξ
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︎ Mar 13 2019
My dad named his iPhone "Titanic 1", his iPad "Titanic 2", and his iMac "Titanic 3"...
I asked him how he came up with the names and he got all excited and said:
"Because they are all syncing"
Only dad...
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︎ Sep 19 2013
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9..9.1...9.2...9.3.. Are you counting?', they asked.
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︎ Apr 21 2017
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