Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says
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︎ Oct 21 2019
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
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︎ Mar 18 2020
I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible.
I guess that makes me an eighth-theist.
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︎ Jun 26 2020
I figured out the secret to writing great Christian music.
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︎ Mar 11 2020
What do you call Batman who skips church?
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︎ May 24 2020
So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....
St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."
He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"
The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".
St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"
The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."
"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"
The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".
"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."
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︎ Apr 15 2020
Christian Christian Bale Bale
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︎ Dec 31 2019
There's now a scholarship available to Contemporary Christian Music students.
It's called an "Amy" Grant.
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︎ Jan 27 2020
I joined a Christian dating site...
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︎ Jan 22 2020
What is Christian Greyβs favorite subreddit?
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︎ Dec 16 2019
Is Tim McGraw a Christian?
I wish heβd share his Faith with me.
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︎ Jan 09 2020
Teacher: Introduce yourself to the class. Me: I'm Christian.
Teacher: Roman Catholic or Eastern Orthodox?
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︎ Nov 17 2019
I don't get it, why is it so important for Christians to have 'K' and 'M' next to each other at Christmas?
I mean every other song "No L, No L!"
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︎ Dec 01 2019
Facebook has over 2 billion users, That is as big as the whole of christianity, Forget that, it is bigger than hinduism and islam. Although facebookβs messenger is probably the worst.
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︎ Oct 13 2019
For all my Christian Bois
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︎ Jul 01 2019
A group of Christian monks want to create a band. What's their name?
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︎ Oct 24 2019
Christian Bale
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︎ Jun 01 2019
What do you call a Christian dating website for people with lisps?
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︎ Nov 02 2019
(I did my best)
Atheist: I broke into a bar yesterday; do you incinerate I'll go to hell for it?
Christian: You mean insinuate?
Atheist: No, I just had a drink.
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︎ Jun 04 2020
My dad was a policeman of few words. When he guarded an ancient Egyptian Christian burial chamber he was...
A cryptic cop in a Coptic crypt.
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︎ Sep 15 2019
Last night I went to a Christian themed restaurant called βThe Lord Givethβ.
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︎ Jun 06 2019
Need I say more?
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︎ Jan 02 2020
What kind of milk do lactose intolerant Christians drink?
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︎ Aug 16 2019
Why are the Muslim flies angry at each other?
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︎ Apr 24 2020
My Canadian friend was reluctant to emcee the Young Men's Christian Association event.
His exact words were, "Why emcee, eh?"
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︎ Jun 27 2019
Just met Christian Bale.
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︎ Aug 18 2017
How can a Catholic get out of jail?
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︎ Mar 10 2020
I bought a porn mag company and I'm making it into a Christian magazine.
I'm still working out a few kinks
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︎ May 08 2019
Did you hear about that Christian secret agent?
His name was Jason Bourne again.
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︎ May 12 2019
Did you hear about the new conservative Christian rock band?
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 01 2019
What did the Christian Dad say to his kid staying up playing video games
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︎ Mar 11 2019
I don't get what Christians are trying to warn us about. Hell sounds like a great place
People are dying to get there.
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︎ Dec 04 2018
I had to fire my Christian guitar tutor. He was too religious. I wanted to learn guitar, but all he kept talking about was
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︎ Dec 26 2018
I asked a woman out, but she said she only dates Christians.
So I guess it's Yahweh or the highway.
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︎ Feb 07 2019
After my sonβs team won the soccer tournament, their goalkeeper invited both of us to a party to celebrate.
It was the father, son, and the goalie host.
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︎ May 01 2019
Why aren't more DJs Christian?
Because they are to busy practicing Wicca Wicca Wicca.
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︎ Dec 12 2018
Who is the most devilish christian of all time?
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︎ Aug 30 2018
Did anyone else hear about the Vatican naming swiss as the official cheese for christianity?
That's right, it's the holiest of cheeses.
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︎ Jan 15 2019
Help with puns on biblical figures
I'm performing a comedy and I have an improv bit where I call someone a goofy name. It needs to be a pun on something in Judeo-Christian cannon, bonus points if it's about the angel michael. I.e. Michael Sword-an or Joan of Snark... something like that. Yall got suggestions???
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︎ Jan 25 2020
So I signed up on the dating site Christian Mingle
My username is "ComeGetPslam"
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︎ Jan 31 2018
It's hard to believe March 12th is already National Pancake Day!
It really crΓͺped up on us this year didn't it!
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︎ Mar 05 2019
Friend: "Ugh, this stupid christian fur is blocking my video game!"
Me: "You mean the Cross-hair?"
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︎ Dec 09 2018
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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︎ Nov 12 2018
Why donβt Christians like trigonometry?
Because they donβt like to sine.
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︎ Jan 16 2018
What do you call a gun loving, Christian rock band?
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︎ Mar 18 2018
Why are Christians so opposed to carbon dating?
Because they think carbon should be married already.
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︎ May 17 2018
In a christian marriage, is the wife or husband supposed to make the coffee in the morning?
According to the bible, "Hebrews"
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︎ Jul 28 2018
Why did the woman join the Christian hippy commune?
Because she loved casual sects.
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︎ Apr 30 2018
Have you heard about the Christian Dental Society?
They're a real molars and values crowd
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︎ Oct 06 2018
My dad banned me from saying "Hell", so I asked: "Have you thought of any alternative names for hell?"
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︎ Sep 18 2018
So Christian Yelich hit for the Cycle again last night.
I guess you can say he got a Bi-Cycle last night.
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︎ Sep 19 2018
How many syllables does the word gloria have?
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︎ Dec 07 2019
A Christian, a Muslim, a Jew and a Hindu walked into a bar...
The bar now has a sign saying 'Mind your Head!'.
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︎ Aug 16 2018
What do you call a Jew who marries a Christian?
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︎ May 08 2018
What do you call yourself when your mom is Jewish and your dad is Christian.
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︎ Jan 11 2018
The difference between Christians and Stoners.
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︎ Apr 05 2015
Slater Aligator
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︎ Jun 16 2018
Two Prawns are swimming in the sea
One Prawn is called Justin, the other is called Christian. Suddenly they are approached by a magic Cod who grants them each a wish. Christian been a humble Prawn is happy with his lot in life and declines the wish. Justin however asks for the Cod to turn him into a Shark.
Weeks later Justin hates being a Shark as all the other fish are scared and swim away. Justin manages to find the magic Cod who turns him back into a prawn.
Delighted Justin now a Prawn again finds his old friend and exclaims "I found Cod, I'm a Prawn again Christian!"
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︎ Dec 02 2019
Us Christians managed to repurpose all the old pagan holidays, well, except for New Years.
We really dropped the ball on that one.
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︎ Jan 02 2018
Why are Christians so good at calculating perpendicular vectors?
They worship the cross product.
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︎ Dec 12 2016
Did you hear about the dog walking service for Christians?
It was called Canine Able.
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︎ Dec 04 2016
My 7 year old son asked whether our new puppy was a christian
Me: "Nope. He follows his own dogma."
Wife almost threw an omelette at me.
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︎ Sep 10 2015
Christian Bale
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︎ Dec 04 2014
The sign my sister made for our moms 60th birthday
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︎ Sep 15 2018
It's kinda ironic that some people use a Cain to be Abel to walk.
For those who don't understand. In the Christian Bible, Cain killed his brother Abel.
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︎ Jul 09 2019
What do you call a pastor who got bailed out
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︎ Jul 07 2019
The girlfriend with a religious identity crisis declares "If that exists, I'm a Christian rebel".
"So you're a Protestant."
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︎ Nov 11 2016
My wife's two favorite things are Jesus and potato chips.
We met on Christian Pringle .com.
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︎ Aug 12 2019
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
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︎ Jun 21 2020
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
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︎ Jun 17 2020
What do you call it when Batman misses church?
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︎ Jun 22 2020
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
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︎ Jun 25 2020
What do you Batman when he skips church?
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︎ Jun 18 2020
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
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︎ Jun 12 2020
What do you call it when Batman skips church ?
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︎ Apr 11 2020
What do you call Batman when he stops doing religion?
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π
︎ Feb 05 2020
What do you call Batman skipping church?
π︎ 91
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︎ Jan 21 2020
Is Tim McGraw a Christian?
If so, I wish heβd share his Faith with me.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 24 2018
What do you call it when Batman skips Church?
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︎ Nov 14 2019
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 03 2020
What do you call Batman escapes from a church?
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︎ Dec 10 2019
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
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︎ Jul 24 2019
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
π︎ 10
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︎ Oct 23 2019
What do you call it when Batman skips out on church?
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︎ May 19 2019
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
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︎ Sep 10 2019
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