Bet choo didn't see that coming
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyso3600
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What goes, β€œchoo choo, oi oi”?

A steampunk.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Choo Choo
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Choo choo
πŸ‘︎ 113
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mur-dur-me
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the difference between a choo choo tran and a brthday?

Neither have i.

πŸ‘︎ 186
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m so bored that I just memorized six pages of the dictionary.

I learned next to nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crazy reason for robbing a train?

A loco motive.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
He has a one track mind. Mark Twain is his father.

His name is.....

Choo choo Twain!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RamSamG
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss said to me, β€œYou are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”

I said, β€œI’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the biggest crustacean in London?

King’s Crustacean πŸš‚

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Phalexuk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you eat when you're on a train?

You choo

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pseudosecure
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What time does the train pull into the station?

Choo-choo thirty, I'd say.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FairlyCharming
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is mad that I keep introducing her as β€œmy ex-girlfriend”
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zortor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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Thomas
πŸ‘︎ 391
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πŸ‘€︎ u/19rthompson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can’t a train choke?

Because it choo Choos.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jsirrr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of vehicle always sneezes?

Achoo choo train!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RespectfulRat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Mexican train killer?

He had loco motives

πŸ‘︎ 231
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Shania Twain has given birth to a baby boy.

Choo Choo, was born at 3:30pm today weighing 6lb 8oz.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss yelled at me the other day, β€œYou’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?"

I said, "Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!"

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnydarko-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the train say to the choking train?

You should have choo chood.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jsirrr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My fiance told me she likes my beard and that it's starting to grow on her

I told her: No, it's growing on me

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CCpoc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
How do locomotives know where they're going?

Lots of training

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear...

She asked, β€œDo you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?”

In my best bear voice, I replied, β€œNo thanks, I’m stuffed.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Two people went on a hike and came across some tracks. One argued they were foxes and the other said they were a deers

They were still arguing when the train hit them tho 🚞

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eoghanr888
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ™„
πŸ‘︎ 257
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neel_o2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you say, "Richard and Robert retrieved a rabbit" without pronouncing the "r's?"

Dick and Bob caught a bunny.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amoreena23
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2016
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a train and a teacher?

One goes CHOO-CHOO and the other goes SPIT THAT GUM OUT!

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pecanchu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Three Dad Jokes on the way to school this morning.

So, we're driving up a tree-lined street where people often have wedding/family photos taken. It's lined with live oaks and is pretty beautiful. That prompted this conversation.

12 y/o daughter: Why do people sometimes get their wedding photos taken on train tracks? That doesn't make sense.

Me: Because they choo-choose to? [with a debt to Ralphie Wiggam]

6 y/o daughter (Loud groan): Papi, that's a terrible joke.

Me: So you think you could engineer a better one if I train you?

12 y/o: Dad why do you always make these awful jokes?

Me: Because I've got loco motives!

At that point I started laughing so hard I couldn't come up with anymore.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2015
🚨︎ report
I recently started to train.

Choo Choo!

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PolymathEquation
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the monarch exclaim regarding the attempted coup?

"Revolting!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thewilltosucceed
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sneezing robot?

AhChoo-D2

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lemonoranges2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a tortilla chip say when it’s having an allergic reaction?

Na-choo

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/20154Ryan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I made a Russian dad joke today

So I asked my Russian friend what the я conjugation for Ρ…ΠΎΡ‚Π΅Ρ‚ΡŒ is, to which he replied Ρ…ΠΎΡ‡Ρƒ which is pronounced like ho-choo and I then said "bless you."

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shipless_Captain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fish on a train?

Choo-Choona

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aswettybudda
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a sick train sound like?

A-choo choo!

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLittleWeekend
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Why do you have to be careful when changing clothes around PokΓ©mon Go players?

Everyone's looking for a peek at'choo.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshiebear
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2016
🚨︎ report
GF moved into a new apartment.

Turns out that there's trains that are pretty prominent at night. Was sitting at work when I get the text informing me:

Her: "So, turns out that there's trains at night around here.."

Me: "Well, guess you'll just have to try sleeping, you got work in the morning."

10 min later

Her: "Another one.. Wooo!"

Me: "Choo* trains go choo."

Her: "... I'm going to bed."

I thought it was clever.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad joked me right in the stomach today.

Dad "What's the difference between a teacher and a train when it comes to gum?"

I thought long and hard and couldn't figure it out. "I don't know."

Dad "A teacher won't let you chew any gum, but a train says "Choo Choo!"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seabasschicken
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2014
🚨︎ report
My 5 year old daughter to me: "Daddy, what do you call a poet who sneezes during a performance?"

"A hai-choo!"

She learns from the best ;-)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the train that got caught smoking on the job?

Now it Choo-choo chews!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/soynanyos
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2014
🚨︎ report
My boss said to me, β€œyou're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?"

I said, β€œI'm not sure; it's hard to keep track.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Natty383
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
How does a train eat?

It goes Choo Choo!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotSamsquanch
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss said β€œYou’re the worst fucking train driver ever,”

β€œHow many trains have you derailed to date?” I replied β€œIt’s hard to keep track.”

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Linalg2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Did you know Mark Twain had a brother?

His name was Choo Choo

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JBaczuk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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