I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick.

She still isn't talking to me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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My wife asked for some chapstick, and I accidentally gave her some superglue

She hasn’t spoken a word to me since

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bananawhack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of her chapstick this morning

I think she's mad, because she still hasn't spoken to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ValkornDoA
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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My girlfriend asked me why I was hoarding so much chapstick

Obviously, it’s for the Apoca-lips.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acloudbuster
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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Why did the duck buy chapstick?

Because his lips were quacked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/birdx90
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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I accidentally tossed my wife the glue stick instead of the chapstick...

She's been tight lipped ever since...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaymantheLegend
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
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I got this new chapstick today...

It's the balm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tron4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2017
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A duck walks into the pharmacy to purchase chapstick

And asks the cashier to put it on his bill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ogbluebatman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2017
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Dad: cmon son just try some. Son: Dad, why do you want me to try this chapstick so bad???

Dad: because it’s the balm!

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
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A duck walked into a drugstore to buy a tube of chapstick. he told the cashier:

"just put it on my bill"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryingAsparagus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2017
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What do you call really awesome chapstick?

The balm.

Edit: My wife's response:

"God you're such a dork."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattAU05
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2016
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My Wife: "I need chapstick"

Me: "Who the fuck is Chap?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AxeEffect3890
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2017
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What do you say when someone gives you their chapstick?

You are the balm!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/p-dish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2013
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Accidentally gave my girlfriend a gluestick instead of chapstick.

She still isn't talking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick.

She still isn’t talking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2018
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I accidentally gave my wife a gluestick Instead of chapstick.

She still isnt talking to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDPhoenix-8632
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of chapstick earlier today.

She still hasn't spoken to me.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ValkornDoA
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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A duck walks into a drug store...

... and says "give me some Chap Stick and put it on my bill".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DazBlintze
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2015
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