The cast from Pulp Fiction tested positive with Covid after going camping together:

Tent in Quarantino

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OiTheRolk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you catch a fish on every cast while deep sea fishing?

A-fish-in-sea

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CodyMadeThis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What did Capt. Ahab’s son write on his father’s cast?

β€œGet whale soon"...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What is a necromancer's favourite word to use to cast a spell?

"Abracadaver!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
When Chris Hemsworth was cast by Marvel they gave him an exercise routine. When asked what he thought of it, he responded

I was Thor just thinking about it.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oppy1984
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Edit: Thank you for the awards.

I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrikkWikkid5150
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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1 of the 2 women in my office has cast a spell on me...

I don't know which one is witch ?

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
"Dad, how do you cast spells?"

"You just follow the instructions."

"Which instructions?"

"Yeah, they're the ones."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLaffGaff
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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My friend and I went fishing. He cast out first and got a bite. So he reeled in a trumpet. Then he cast out in a different area, got a bite and reeled in a clarinet.

After he cast out the third time, I said "maybe you'll reel in a bass soon!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the witch wear latex gloves when she cast a spell?

She wanted to practice safe hex.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My son told me he made the cast for the Thanksgiving play this year!

He's the lead roll.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to draw the child cast of the film ET.

I drewdrewbarrymoremoreandmore though.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ellandess
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My son recently got casted as a sheep in a play but was nervous about forgetting his lines

I said "Son you're just feeling sheepish"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you seen who they have cast in the new film "The Blind Batman"?

Christian Braille.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HallLAD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do we tell actors "to break a leg?"

Because every show has a cast!

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/socdist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve just watched a movie about a gentleman having his broken leg fixed with bandages and a plaster of paris....

......what a great cast!!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunny_2121
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures that you end up in the cast.
πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xddz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
When I woke up from a car accident in a full body cast my wife was right there at my side

To let me know that childbirth is still more painful.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NHl20-Fan
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Working on a crossword puzzle. Can anyone tell me the first initial and last name of the lead actor from Cast Away?

Thanks.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spongebue
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard they want to find a new actor to play Iron Man

Guess they'll need to cast someone.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abhishekms89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the boar rejected for the casting role?

He was too hammy

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s a pity they didn’t cast Ryan Reynolds as Jay Gatsby,

since he’s both Green Lantern and Deadpool

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joespofforth
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?

It had to wear a pod cast.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HanlonRazor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....

St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."

He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"

The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".

St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"

The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."

"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"

The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".

"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atheistmil
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the cast of a spelling bee?

bee-witched

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/countryboyathome
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Local TV weatherman breaks all of his limbs but insists on coming in to work...

...tune in at 11, to see his four-casts.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A Casting Couch
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sykes92
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
The ultimate dad joke a Hollywood could pull would be casting Ryan Gosling as Goose’s son in Top Gun 2.
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Conan-doodle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Took my son fishing yesterday and there was a dolphin. When I cast out my bait he asked "are you trying to catch him?"

Me; "Not on porpoise"

He laughed 12 year old girl next to us cringed and said "porpoise... really?" Joke had desired effect.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shootinstraight88
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m surprised they didn’t cast Ryan Reynolds as Jay Gatsby given all his experience.

He already played Green Lantern AND Deadpool

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snake_lamp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new sitcom reboot with an all Hispanic cast?

The Juander Years

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/w00tah
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
People get really upset when I run up to them in the street, and try to make plaster casts of their faces.

At least that’s the impression I get.

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Student with a cast on his arm walks in to class and says β€œI can’t write with my right hand today.”

I ask, can you left with your left hand?

Many students gave me props for the dad joke. One student said I sound like their dad. While I have no kids of my own, I’m glad I get to practice my dad jokes on my students.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrono116
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do we tell actors to β€œbreak a leg?”

Because every play has a cast.

πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kattykat21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

Because there's always a cast

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ploopy_R
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do we say break a leg in the theatre?

Its because everyone in the play is in a cast

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akien0222
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do they say β€œbreak a leg” in theatre?

Because every play has a cast

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do they tell actors to break a leg?

Because every play has a cast

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyC5184
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
why do we tell actors to break a leg?

because every play has a cast!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBreadLol
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: I think your arm is broken. I’ll put you in a cast and you’ll recover.

Dad: That’s great. But I don’t see how being in a movie would help.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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