https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/dec/21/christmas-without-gifts-easy-more-fun
>There is no greater gift than never again having to walk into an overheated, Wham-blasting shopping centre full of animatronic reindeer and the smell of damp hair, to spend £20 on a pot plant that nobody has asked for nor, in all probability, wants. To never again hear Noddy Holder shouting across the shop floor as you dither between shaving soap and another brown leather wallet. To never again try to bring four rolls of non-recyclable wrapping paper home on the packed bus. > >Which is why, in my immediate family, we do not swap presents at Christmas. My mother, my sister, my father, my partner and my child: none of us get each other Christmas presents. It’s been an agreement for the last few years and, all being well, one that will hold water again this festive season. But it would be unfair to say we don’t actually give each other things. We may not buy things, wrap things, put things under a tree or push anything but a hairy toe into a stocking on Christmas Eve but that’s not to say we don’t give gifts. Instead we bestow upon each other the treats of time, saving money, the weekends in the run-up to Christmas at home, sanity, and evenings not clogged with sticky tape and phone calls and online checkouts. You may think these are rambling attempts at optimism from a Scrooge but I really believe that, by taking presents out of the equation, I have given my family back almost the whole of December to spend as they wish. > > >The tradition of giving gifts in the dark days of winter is far older than the Christian story supposedly being celebrated on 25 December. According to Andrew Hann, the properties historian for English Heritage: “Druids gave out sprigs of their sacred plant, mistletoe, to wish their people good fortune for the year ahead. Romans gave gifts known as strenae, named in honour of Strenia, goddess of health and physical wellbeing, from whose sacred grove the original luck-bringing laurel twigs were sourced. Initially the gifts were twigs and branches from sacred trees, but later gilded nuts were exchanged, or even coins.” > >The Roman poet Martial describes exchanging mostly inexpensive gifts such as writing tablets, dice cups, lamps, combs and toothpicks. I actually love the idea of a child’s bedroom on Christmas morning being transformed into a sort of Greek-restaurant-come-bird-nest, covered in twigs, nuts, toothpicks and
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When me and my older sister were kids. We both saw the same ghost on a few occasions. One of the most horrifying times I remember is when, me and my sister was playing with my toy soldiers in our room. We both was trying to rush our game before bed as mum shouted “bed soon kids” we both wasn’t happy to hear that as we were having so much fun. As we continued playing I saw what looked like a mans head with big black eyes just looking at me through the gap of the door in my parents room. I pointed at this mans head and my sister, turned her body to look and let out the most terrifying scream that actually made my hairs stand up and fight or flight response kick in.
We both ran down stairs and looked back as we got to the bottom of the stairs to only see the head just leaning over the banister with those big black eyes just staring at us with a blank expression. I managed get a good look at this ghost he looked mid 40s, wrinkly, bold on top with patchy long hair only on the sides of the head, piggish nose and boney face. Wearing a dark brown coat that was in very bad condition and black boots. His fingers were unnaturally long with long dirty finger nails.
Mum met us at the bottom to see what the commotion was. We both pointed at the man but she couldn’t see anything or anyone. Mum just brushed it off as tiredness and kids imagination running wild.
“Come on kids time to brush your teeth and go to bed”
When our mum said those words me and my sister both knew that neither of us won’t be sleeping anytime soon. My older sister wanted to keep me from being scared so we shared the same bed. While watching lion king I notice my sister kept looking at the closet which is in the darkest part of the room. The only place in the room the street lamp couldn’t reach through the blinds and tv was facing us too which made the closet look even darker. Out of all the places in our room it had to be the closet I thought to myself.
The closet door was open and suddenly my sisters noddy toy. Fell out of the box in the closet and onto the floor knocking over my toy soldiers, that we left to continue our game the next day. We dismissed it as us not putting toys away properly. Then all of sudden the entire toy box just got tipped over and literally slid across the room toward the bed. We turned our small lamp on and looked at the closet. There it was again poking it’s head out through the hanged clothes , I don’t think me and my sister had never or will ever experience this
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Pilot on me!!
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
You take away their little brooms
There hasn't been a post all year!
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Bob
Just to clarify, 12345678
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
“BOOM”?!
Because his Visa didn’t work.
"That's what they're fighting about."
"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"
A happy Uncle.....
I’d never seen him be 4.
Ice-olation.
She's only eleven and says she came up with that by herself. I'm so proud 😭😭😭
"No, it doesn't."
When me and my older sister were kids. We both saw the same ghost on a few occasions. One of the most horrifying times I remember is when, me and my sister was playing with my toy soldiers in our room. We both was trying to rush our game before bed as mum shouted “bed soon kids” we both wasn’t happy to hear that as we were having so much fun. As we continued playing I saw what looked like a mans head with big black eyes just looking at me through the gap of the door in my parents room. I pointed at this mans head and my sister, turned her body to look and let out the most terrifying scream that actually made my hairs stand up and fight or flight response kick in.
We both ran down stairs and looked back as we got to the bottom of the stairs to only see the head just leaning over the banister with those big black eyes just staring at us with a blank expression. I managed get a good look at this ghost he looked mid 40s, wrinkly, bold on top with patchy long hair only on the sides of the head, piggish nose and boney face. Wearing a dark brown coat that was in very bad condition and black boots. His fingers were unnaturally long with long dirty finger nails.
Mum met us at the bottom to see what the commotion was. We both pointed at the man but she couldn’t see anything or anyone. Mum just brushed it off as tiredness and kids imagination running wild.
“Come on kids time to brush your teeth and go to bed”
When our mum said those words me and my sister both knew that neither of us won’t be sleeping anytime soon. My older sister wanted to keep me from being scared so we shared the same bed. While watching lion king I notice my sister kept looking at the closet which is in the darkest part of the room. The only place in the room the street lamp couldn’t reach through the blinds and tv was facing us too which made the closet look even darker. Out of all the places in our room it had to be the closet I thought to myself.
The closet door was open and suddenly my sisters noddy toy. Fell out of the box in the closet and onto the floor knocking over my toy soldiers, that we left to continue our game the next day. We dismissed it as us not putting toys away properly. Then all of sudden the entire toy box just got tipped over and literally slid across the room toward the bed. We turned our small lamp on and looked at the closet. There it was again poking it’s head out through the hanged clothes , I don’t think me and my sister had never or will ever experience this
... keep reading on reddit ➡