What is the similarity between toll booths and Microsoft?

They are both basically Bill Gates.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anti_Thot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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As the detective examined the crime scene at the carnival he came upon the man working the β€œGuess your weight” booth. The detective had the man arrested as an accomplice to the criminal.

He was charged with helping the criminal get a weigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pasngas42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Whats another word for toll booths?

Bill Gates

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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This year, my friend decided to play his string instrument with a neck and a deep round back enclosing a hollow cavity, with a sound hole in the body at the voting booths...

He was arrested for ear poll-lute-tion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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I just got hired to work a booth on the highway.

They say this job really takes a toll

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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I’m tired of spending money on highway booths during long drives.

It really takes its toll on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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What's similar between strippers and those who operate election booths?

They're both poll workers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Useless-Chicken
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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A magician walks up to a fisherman's booth.

The magician pulls a quarter from the fisherman's ear. The fisherman looks at the magician annoyed. The magician says can you do any better? The fisherman says sure and then pauses. The magician says annoyed "How are you going to start the trick. The fisherman just says... Pick a cod, any cod!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jolly2284
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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Accidentally moved an Apple booth at the show, then moved it back...

Dude said" almost in the right spot..." I stand corrected

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paladium9999
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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My dad set up a booth at a Renaissance Fair where people can dress up as Frodo from Lord of the Rings exclusively.

It was his Frodo-Booth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheScarletSho
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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TIL: John Wilkes Booth was one of the greatest stand up comedians of history.

I heard he really killed at Ford’s theatre.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2018
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeppy0
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, and ploughed into an empty toll booth, smashing it to pieces.

He didn’t want to get in trouble s o he stopped his truck got out and started to pick up each broken piece of the wreckage and spread a creamy substance on it. Then he began fitting the pieces together. In less than 10 minutes, he had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new. The toll manager came up to him, impressed and said, β€œWow you fixed that fast! What was that stuff you used to stick all the pieces together?”
β€œOh”, said the man, β€œjust a bit of Tollgate booth pasteβ€œ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
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Bonnie and Clyde got a great deal at the kissing booth.

They made out like bandits.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jasekj919
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2014
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Asked my SO if she's ever seen Phone Booth.

It rings a bell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hereticdark
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2015
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Our waitress sat us down at our booth. I asked if her & my friends realized if every restaurant got booths from the same place...

... the booth fairy.

They all groaned or held back smiles. Another friend showed up, I retold it, he laughed out loud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnFoxpoint
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2014
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This ones hard to explain but you kind of need an image.

So if a tardis is a police booth. Then a porta potty is a turdis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scepticgamer511
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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My Son: Want to hear a fun fact?

Me: Sure, tell me one son. My Son: Did you know that Lincoln had a guard with him at the theater where he was shot, but that the guard left to go across the street to have a drink and that's why Lincoln wasn't guarded when he was shot? Me: No, son, I had no idea. My Son: But that's not all. It was the same bar that John Wilkes Booth was waiting in before going to kill the president. Me: So did they see each other? My Son: I'm not sure dad. I'm thinking Booth might have been waiting to see if he would come in before he went over to shoot Lincoln. Me: I wonder if the guard came in, and Booth ask him if he could buy him a shot?!?!? My Son: audibly smacks head

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackrabbits1im
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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Why was the insane man crying in a phonebooth?

He was cents-less...

edit: *phone booth

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNameICallMyself
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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Maybe he is in the mood for a shot?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
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Mortician walks into a bar and asks for a stiff one...

Bartender says: "he's in booth six"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darksilverjesse
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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Hostess couldn't quite figure out where to seat us...

Dad: "She's taking us on a wild booth chase!"

Note: He said this through tears of laughter, while literally slapping his own knee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joelle18
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2014
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Amazing dad joke at university orientation

I'm running a booth at an orientation fair at a major university in the south. New out of state student and his dad come up and introduce themselves.

Me: "So, how did you end up in the south?"

Dad: "We drove."

Me: "No, I mean what brought you down here?"

Straight-faced dad: "The car."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maciej88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2014
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Are you new?

I do Hockey commentary and someone I hadn't met before was sitting in the commentator's booth so I asked if he was new.

He replied, "I'm 38. I'm not that new."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mathew93
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2015
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Dadjoked a city... kinda

So in Canberra people are picking their own mushrooms; which would be fine except for the rather hazardous Death Caps that seem to be plentiful right now. A local radio station asked their listeners whether hey thought mushroom sales at stores or restaurants would go down, and what people thought of the whole issue. With a decade of experience in hospitality I thought I'd call and while waiting to go on air, the presenters joked about calling up the head 'mushroom guy' for Australia and asking their opinion.

I go on air and assure them that no restaurant worth their salt would risk their name and business by buying mushrooms that weren't from an official farm. But just before They bid me farewell I said; "I hope you do get to talk to the head mushroom person, I bet he's a real Fungi".

There was silence followed by barely audible raucous laughter from what sounded like either outside their booth or over the intercom, I'm not sure. The presenters denied me an on air groan or laugh and just pretended like I had said nothing. But someone laughed... Someone...

[Edit: Wow, unable to log in to reddit for a day and I miss getting nearly eight times more up votes than I have since joining Reddit last year. Thanks all! I knew having a 1 yr old would pay off.]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SketchGoatee
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2014
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Talking to a conductor at the train station

Background: Where I live, we have these little plastic cards instead of tickets to get on trains. You load it up with money electronically and then "touch on" at the train station and "touch off" when you get off at your destination. The other day I touched on at the station. Shortly after arriving, the meeting I had been going to got postponed. So I touched off. I wanted to make sure that I hadn't been charged for sitting in the station for five minutes so I went up to the ticketing booth.

Me: Is there anyway for me to check the balance of this online or something?

Conductor: Oh, no need. I can do that for you!

He takes the card, places it on the end of his finger, and holds it up to his eyes.

Conductor: Yep, perfectly balanced!

I think he was surprised by how funny I found this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChoozeGooze
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2013
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A man goes to his church picnic...

He decides to get something to eat. Two lines exist, one with skinny men and the other with men with beer guts. He asked the pastor if there was a difference between the lines.

"Yes," the pastor said. "The one with thin men in it is to get to the food booth. The other is for beer. It is the paunch line."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
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My girlfriend and I were walking outside last night...

After looking at the crescent moon she turned to me and said, "I wonder if the moon is waxing or if it is waning."

To which I responded, "Waning? It's not even cwoudy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trust_me_I_reddit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2014
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Senior sex

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dan_the_Man0904
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
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So, a miner and a chemist walk into a geology convention.

They approach a table displaying a wide assortment of rocks. The chemist points in the booth's direction and asks the miner, "Which is your favorite; cinnabar or cassiterite?" The miner thought for a moment and replied, "Either ore."

I'll see myself out.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
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What do rappers and lifters have in common

They booth like (w)raps and bars

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notthatcom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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What do you call a PR stand at a fair being operated by classy and respectful aspiring dentists?

A couth youth tooth booth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cashmag3001
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2017
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Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones.

Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognized none of those."

"I'm sorry Sir," says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it," he says, "I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"

"I really am terribly sorry," says the young assistant, "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
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I dad-joked my wife. We don't even have any kids.

We were driving through a rural area near here when we went past an abandoned horse track, complete with stands etc.

She was pointing it out and saying "oh look, there's even the ticket booth!" and the like when she spots the horse stalls in a falling down old building.

She said "Do you think those are stables?"

I looked over at them and replied "Hmm. I don't think so. I mean, they don't look very stable to me!"

It was such a good joke that I laughed myself horse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theredkrawler
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2014
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My Dad at Youmacon

I went to my first con ever this weekend and my dad wanted to go just to see what it was about. I was dressed as a character named Trafalgar Law, or just Law for short. this happened in sometime in the middle of the con

"Hey dad just follow me for a second, I want to check this booth out."

"Dont worry about me son, I always follow the Law."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NOpieMAN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2013
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Taking your dad to a beauty salon

Me: sit and wait for me here. Dad: wait is that a tanning booth or a Tardis?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freyfreytrim
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2017
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Dad Joke at Spartan Race

My brother and I were at a Spartan race this morning. After the race, we went to the festival area to check out the booths. One of them was a boot camp advertising with a 60 second challenge to win bragging rights. We weren't interested so we kept walking, but they hollered at us.

Girl 1: C'mon, it's only 60 seconds!

Girl 2: What's 60 seconds anyway?

Me: It's one minute!

They left us alone after that...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darksweetz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2015
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Got friend at Wendys

Sitting in booth, after ordering some chicken wraps.

Me: Start unwrapping the wraps and eating.

Friend: Looks up, "So how's your wrap?"

Me: "Oh its good, just not enough verses."

Friend: Proceeds to stare blankly at me for a couple of seconds, then bursts into laughter after getting it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aralakh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
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Match made in Dad Joke heaven.

Wife and I were at a buffet yesterday and we got to the booth with salad and fruit.

I headed straight for my favorite fruit and said "Don't mind if I honey-dooo."

She looks straight at me and says "Honey...don't" and walks off.

Jokes on her though, cause I had lots of honeydew and it was delicious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ballzrog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2014
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A customer in the restaurant I work at got me twice.

I work at Chiquitos in the UK, I was seating a gentleman and his daughter and pointed toward a booth which was set to my right and asked

"Is that one all right for you?"

To which he replied "Its on my left actually."

Later, when I was taking the payment I made small talk and said

"So, are you up to anything good today?"

He said "No, might do something bad though."

Told him that I could only aspire to his level of dad-joke, he said it might take some years of practice. I can only hope.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManderlyPieShop
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2014
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Working valet on this nice sunny day and I walked right into this...

I returned to my booth from parking a car and asked the captain if I missed anything. Today has been fairly slow so he tells me that I missed the sun moving about 2 degrees across the sky. Then he says, "It was the highlight of his day."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaledwurm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2015
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Dad at a minor league hockey game

Dad and I walk into minor hockey league stadium. He sees the Chuck-A-Puck booth, stops me and say "if we move up to the big leagues they'll change the name to Charles-A-Puck".

My brain couldn't decide if I should laugh or just roll my eyes so I did neither and just stared blankly. It did not phase him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_mastubatorium
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2015
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Cosmo boots in the car ride

This is my first Dad Joke I have ever done! We were driving home after a trip to Costco and my Mother points out a Cosmo Booth (Glamour shot Photo booth) outside. Mom: Look at that Cosmo Booth! Do you want a picture taken Brother? Brother: What's a Cosmo Boot? Me: Its like Moon Boots only bigger. Only me and my Mother laughed. Everyone else didn't get the joke!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alexanator28
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
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My old friend's dad's goof on early 80's politics will take your heart hostage.

Once upon a time in the 80’s, the religious supreme ruler of a middle eastern country fled outside military forces seeking to strip him of his power using whatever means necessary. Fearing for his life, he was secretly smuggled into the US where he reluctantly shaved his beard and attempted to blend in.

He successfully went native and got an apartment, and soon realized he needed a job to pay for food and rent. He didn't want to do any sort of manual labor or serve others, as he craved comfortable control. He eventually became a toll booth operator, where he enjoyed sitting in his high chair, making people pay him so that he would grant them passage. Over time he grew bold and began to use his own judgment on what vehicles would pay him for his blessing to cross.

One day, two semi-tractor trailer beverage trucks were in his line, a Pepsi truck in front, and a Coke truck behind. The Pepsi truck pulled up and he said "Pepsi truck, you may pass for free." The Pepsi truck driver happily accepted, and over his CB radio told the Coke truck driver β€œThis guy just let me through for free!”. When the Coke truck pulled up, hoping to also pass for free, the toll booth dictator said "Coke truck, you will pay me 100 of your American dollars."

The Coke truck driver was livid, and said "You let that Pepsi truck pass for free! You want me to pay 100 dollars?! That’s outrageous! I am going to report this! What is your name?!" Our toll booth operator proudly replied "Ayatollah Cokemainly."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllUpInMyRizznus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2014
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Who called it toll booths instead of bill gates?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abishiekh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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