Classic Blonde Jokes

How do you drown a blonde?

Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/John1967miller
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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Better Classic Blonde Joke

How can you tell a blonde has been blowing the car horn?

All the lipstick on the steering wheel.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/John1967miller
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?

Too blondes walk into a bar...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nathanhouston92
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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Blonde jokes are the best

So a blonde, brunette, and a ginger are running from the cops, they run into a barn, the blonde hides behind a barrel, the brunette hides behind a horse, the ginger hides behind a cow, the cops show up and yell "come out we know you're in there!" The brunette says "neigh neigh," the ginger says "moo moo," the blonde says "barrel barrel."

It's a bit of a basic joke but it makes me chuckle so wanted to share it.๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‘

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gamern1nja2000
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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A Blonde Joke

My boyfriend and I had just pulled a pizza out of the oven, and he asked me how many pieces he should cut it into. Grinning and smooth as can be, I laid this blonde joke on him (I am naturally medium blond) "Oh, cut it into 6, I could never eat 8!" The look of WTF was priceless!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/topgirlaurora
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
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Blonde Jokes for Top Dog - YMH 358

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SFZyh7GdTo&ab_channel=YourMomsHousePodcast

Some of the best blonde jokes from comedian Tom Segura's dad. Definitely worth the 10 minutes

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/eebsamk
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 11 2016
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A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"

She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/shdchko
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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So a blonde girl is deciding to be a videogame Youtuber....

After she makes and edits her video she starts to take pictures of her hands. Her mom walks by seeing this and asks "Why are you taking so many pictures of your thumbs?". The blond girl replies " If you want people to watch your YouTube videos you gotta have great thumbnail pictures."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Amart1985
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on the lap.

Heโ€™s telling a dumb blonde joke when a young platinum haired beauty jumps to feet, โ€œwhat gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?โ€she demands. โ€œWhat does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?โ€

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer an apology

โ€œYou keep out of this! She yells, โ€œIโ€™m talking to that little jerk on your knee!โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/crazyfortaco
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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A college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.

"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.

"Sony!" yells the blonde girl in the front.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hughdman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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Handy Woman gets a job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch," he said, "how much will you charge me?"

The blonde, after looking about, responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should; she was standing on it. Do you think she's dumb?"

"No", replied the wife. "I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by all those 'dumb blonde' jokes."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hayeshilton
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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A man on one side of a river shouts to a man standing on the other side, โ€œHey, how do I get to the other side of the river?โ€

The other man responds, โ€œYou are on the other side of the river.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Suuuuuuuure
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 03 2016
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A sweet old man who stops by to chat when he goes out for a walk told us this joke. (His wife had said "Don't tell anyone your silly joke... It's horrible.")

Old Man : "Never fall in love with a tennis professional."

Us : "Why Not?"

Old Man : "Because love means nothing to them."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CapnFancyPants
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 31 2015
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I donโ€™t think theyโ€™ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but donโ€™t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

โ€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, โ€˜The good news is..itโ€™ll feel better when it quits hurting.'โ€

Whatโ€™s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

โ€œIโ€™ll call you later!โ€- โ€œPlease donโ€™t do that. Iโ€™ve always asked you to call me Dad!โ€

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

โ€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: โ€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.โ€™โ€

โ€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, โ€˜No, just leave it in the carton!โ€™โ€

I got so angry the other day when I couldnโ€™t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book Iโ€™ve ever read, Iโ€™d say: โ€œWow, thatโ€™s coincidental.โ€

Iโ€™m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build itโ€™s house? Igloos it together.

โ€œMe: โ€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!โ€™ Dad: โ€˜Poof, Youโ€™re a sandwich!โ€™โ€

โ€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

โ€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? Theyโ€™re all girls, otherwise theyโ€™d be uncles.โ€

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth โ€“ its pasteurized before you even see it

โ€œWhatโ€™s Forrest Gumpโ€™s password? 1forrest1โ€

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: โ€œDonโ€™t worry; this is a piece of cake.โ€ I said: โ€œNo, itโ€™s a math problem.โ€

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I donโ€™t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Iโ€™m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/weeb123xD
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Pizza Slices

Pizza Shop Employee: Would you like your pizza cut into 8 or 10 slices?

Dad: Better make it 8, I don't think I can eat 10 slices.

Pizza Shop Employee: Blankly stares at my Dad Um...okay?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ryeguart
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 20 2016
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Nihilist Dad Jokes

Why did the scarecrow win a prize? Because he stood alone in his field! He stood there for years, rotting, until he was forgotten.

I tell my kids, youโ€™re allowed to watch the TV all you wantโ€ฆ Just donโ€™t turn it on! This way they will begin to understand the futility of all things.

How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together. Like all animals, it is an automaton, driven by blind genetic imperative, marching slowly to oblivion.

Why donโ€™t skeletons go trick or treating? They have no body to go with them! The skeletons are like us: alone, empty, dead already.

I donโ€™t really like playing soccer. I just do it for kicks! Like all of humanity, I pretend to enjoy things, and others pretend to care about my charade.

You hear about the moon restaurant? Good food, no atmosphere! If you eat there, you forfeit your life, which would make no difference to the universe as a whole.

Why did the blonde focus on an orange juice container? It said concentrate! She realized that societyโ€™s depictions of her were like the juice: formulaic, insipid, fake.

My wife told me to put the cat out. I didnโ€™t know it was on fire! By the time I could act, it was incinerated, a harbinger of the path we all must take.

How come the invisible man wasnโ€™t offered a job? They just couldnโ€™t see him doing it! This man stands for all of us: unseen, misunderstood, irrelevant.

Today I gave away my old batteriesโ€ฆ Free of charge! No one wanted them, so I became angry and threw them in the yard. The battery acid now leaks into the soil, killing a colony of ants. A sparrow eats their bodies and is poisoned. Somewhere in the Serengeti, a lion devours his rivalโ€™s cubs. Then the lion is shot by a poacher and sold to an unloved rich man whose father was an unloved rich man. In five billion years, the Sun will become a bloated giant, boiling the oceans and consuming our pointless cruelties with flames. I wake sweat-drenched and screaming, staring at the visage of a faceless god. โ€œWHAT HAVE I DONE?! HOW COULD I BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD!?โ€ But this god, like all gods, is nothingโ€”just my sonโ€™s Wilson baseball mitt, sitting on my dresser, mocking me.

Will February March? No, but April May! Soon we become ash, and time forgets us.

Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/vorschlaghammer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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So Donald Trump walks into a bar..

..and three blondes immediately yell, "We're not explaining that joke to you again!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Protiguous
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
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A Brazilian

Dad sent this one to me in an email about stocks this morning. Not sure about the relevance to stocks, but it's a dad joke:

A redhead and a blonde are talking.

The redhead says to the blonde, "I slept with a Brazilian!"

The blonde replies, "A Brazilian?! You Slut! How many is a Brazilian?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jmurrell
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 28 2014
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