What kind of glue can you use to hold ice blocks together?

igloo

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 65
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/eat-rainbows
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 20 2020
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One day, as I was walking home, someone threw a block of cheese at my head. I thought-

โ€œThatโ€™s not very mature!โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/quantomcatnip
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 03 2021
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Lining up for blocks
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Kelly240361
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 07 2020
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I absentmindedly bought a block of cheese. As soon as I unwrapped it, it spoke, saying, "I'm depressed. Can you help with this sadness?"

Damn. I picked up bleu cheese.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 07 2020
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Murders being conducted all over this block
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 43
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/wanjirahope
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 28 2020
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For the past few days, I wake up to see someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.

I donโ€™t know what to make of it.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 04 2020
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Thereโ€™s a big thunderstorm. The road is blocked by a big mudslide. A little boy asks his dad, โ€œWhy does earth fall down like that?โ€

His dad answers, โ€œItโ€™s terrain.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ellegirl82091
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 28 2020
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How I got blocked on Twitter

Girl: why does every reference of Steve Irwin make me cry?

Me: Does it makes you cry โ€œcrocodile tears?โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/chaddtalks
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 06 2020
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So that is why...
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 187
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/aidanexe
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 17 2020
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How did the bagel shop owner get rid of the competition on his block?

He ran a pretty intense schmear campaign

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 29 2020
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This guy wanted to find me to fight , he made a mistake and after i sent him this, he blocked me reddit.com/gallery/hy8fa6
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/adam10boy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 26 2020
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Need shredded cheese but only have a block?

Use the block to play your guitar really hard...

Shred it......

Cheesy I know, but I think it's gouda

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/joker-here
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 02 2020
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What did one block of cheese say to the other?

โ€œYou look Gouda todayโ€.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Buzzito1
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 15 2020
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Why did the author suffer writers block after rectal surgery?

He was left with only a semicolon.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ph00p
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 31 2020
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Don't try to eat the chickens in Minecraft.

They're too gamey.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/YDAQ
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 25 2020
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Whaddya call a cow blocking a stream?

Whaddya think? You call it a damn cow!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/pippingigi
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 24 2020
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The new Lego store recently opened up

People lined up for blocks

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 34
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Scaulbylausis
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 10 2021
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I won a duel last week with a block of cheddar cheese. How you might ask?

Because it was extra sharp.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SerbianTarHeel
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 11 2020
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Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion โ€“ but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits โ€“ all from late twentieth-century Terra โ€“ on a training study of Carterโ€™s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

โ€œLook at the perfection with which these streets are gradedโ€, exclaimed one student. โ€œEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?โ€

โ€œA new alleyway is being constructed, nearbyโ€, said Feghoot. โ€œLet us walk that way while I explain.โ€ As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carterโ€™s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

โ€œI seeโ€, said the student. โ€œItโ€™s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s right,โ€ Feghoot went on smoothly. โ€œYou just hit the road jack and donโ€™t come back no mo.โ€

His students registered dismay and anguish.

โ€œIsnโ€™t that right, old-timer?,โ€ Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

โ€œAhm afraid not, suhโ€, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. โ€œOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. Itโ€™s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

โ€œSo you see,โ€ he finished, eyes twinkling, โ€œMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.โ€

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. โ€œAnd heโ€, he said, turning to his students, โ€œis clearly the gradi

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/nomnommish
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 13 2021
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My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns.

Well, toucan play that game.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 56
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SpiceCake68
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 25 2020
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My friend sent me this (donโ€™t worry I didnโ€™t block her)
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 43
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/aCkadoodledo
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 26 2020
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I was in the supermarket the other day when this guy threw a block of cheddar at me.

Outraged, I shouted : "Well that's not very mature is it ?"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 18 2020
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Got up this morning and ran around the block five times

Then I got tired so I picked up the block and put it back in the toy box!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Whlightning
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 16 2020
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I was sitting at home the other day when man broke in holding a block of cheese.

He stabbed me with it and all I could think was damn, that cheddar is sharp.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 24
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/doughboy9419
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 05 2020
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My neighbor denies throwing a cinder block through my front window,

But I have concrete evidence.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 34
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/tim696969
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 09 2020
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Settle a pun debate

I asked two friends for the best pun Bond would utter if he'd just shoved a bad guy into a huge industrial deep-fat fryer. Their responses were:

Friend #1: "Play with fryer, get burnt.
(Isn't there an old saying of don't play with fire unless you want to get burnt?)"

Friend #2: "Why is my instinct to say cool off there?
Let's assume it's christmas. 'Thats a real Crisped Kringle' is what I'd say
Or do I know the guy's dad? Let's say I do. 'Youre a chip of the old block'"

I know, I need new friends. Do me a favour redditors and please tell me whose pun is least awful? And if you have any better ones, I'm all ears! (Mine was "Thank God it's fry day", I'm sure you can all do better).

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/creaky_thumbs
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 26 2020
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A group in Denmark is trying to convince the government to use old Legos to re-pave their highways...

...unfortunately, they've been running into a lot of road blocks.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 26
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/KW-DadJoker
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 02 2020
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My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, โ€œDad get out of the way!โ€

I said, โ€œYouโ€™re the ones blocking!โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 16k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Colbosky
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 27 2020
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two cops go around the block and see if everything is in order...

one of them says "look, there's a dead bird!" the other looks up into the sky "where?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/lilboxcutter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 22 2020
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I've been blocked by Gary Barlow.

Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn't mean it.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/orduk
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 01 2020
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Scientists developed a male birth control gel but it only targets the X/Y chromosome

Theyre calling it "Son-Block"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/kriskidd21
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 06 2020
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BREAKING NEWS The M6 has become blocked after a truck shed its load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes...

Police say the traffic is pretty stationery.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AustralianGroan
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 26 2020
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"Move it! Yer Turtle-y blocking the road!" v.redd.it/dq9sg5g25l941
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 28
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Jaz_Man
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 08 2020
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I'm pretty sure I have never blocked the toilet

That's the kind of crap you remember

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/master_gecko
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 17 2020
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The four building blocks of life.
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 05 2018
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I accidentally cut myself while slicing up a block of cheese.

I didn't realize it was Extra Sharp.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 59
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/FinalCaveat
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 03 2019
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A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Legoland

The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ChildfreeAtheist1024
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 05 2020
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What did the sword say to the shield after their fight last night?

Why did you block me?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Clone-Commando66
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 23 2020
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So proud of my daughter, who ran upstairs to tell me our downstairs toilet was smoking.

She seemed really, really scared. When I told her I couldnโ€™t smell smoke, she showed me this picture: https://imgur.com/gallery/RbplooY, giggling like crazy.

Chip off the old block she is!

Edit: thank you so much for my first ever award!!!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 625
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/superdad0206
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 03 2020
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I knew a kid who tried making music with a block of cheese

It was always too sharp for my taste.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 25
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/PsychologicalQuote9
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 02 2019
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Can someone connect mental health and dentistry in a pun?

I hope this appropriate to ask here. I am going to create a mental health support group on Facebook for Australian/New Zealand dental students and am needing a catchy/punny name. Currently there exists two mental health support groups that I know of on Facebook, both for dentists and not students. One is called Mental Dental and the other is called The Mental Block (alluding to the mental nerve in dentistry), so obviously I can't use those.

I'm not great with word games/etc so really appreciate any help. Thank you!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Fallhaven
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 21 2020
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Can any body help me?

Can anyone help? Thereโ€™s a bloke in this subreddit who calls himself Buster and heโ€™s driving me mad with constant private messages. Day after day he sends me youtube videos of 70โ€™s glam rockers The Sweet. Does anyone know the way, there's got to be a way to block Buster.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/shady7977
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 14 2020
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A guy threw a block of cheese at me in the supermarket

I said to him โ€œnow thatโ€™s no very mature now is it?โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Moistwee
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 08 2020
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I'm trying to keep fit during iso, so this morning, I ran five times around the block.

I was so tired afterwards that my son had to put it back into the toy box.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Brucemoose1
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 11 2020
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I was in the supermarket when a guy threw a block of cheese at me.

I looked over at him and shouted, โ€œWell thatโ€™s not very mature is it??โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 44
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/PringyUK
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 15 2019
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