A list of puns related to "Blindness in animals"
Dad Awards
To truly capture the âSpirit of the Dadâ what are some achievements you think make a True Dad?
âFixed it!â - complete an entire home improvement project in a single trip to the hardware/lumber store.
âGotcha!â - demonstrate the Dad Reflex by catching a toddler seconds before disaster.
âThatâs my boy/girl!â - get in trouble with the SO when your son/daughter picked up a bad habit of yours, or develops your bad sense of humor/pranks.
âHere boy!â - develop a stronger bond with the new family pet than any of the kids who wanted it in the first place.
âOffice timeâ - spend at least 30 minutes in the bathroom hiding from the kids/spouse even though you donât actually have to go to the bathroom.
âBlame it on the dogâ - make at least one passenger choke on a fart in the car.
âReally?â - have a kid/spouse completely buy in to one of your bad dad jokes. (I had my wife convinced for nearly an hour that the rumble strips on the side of the highway was called the âBraillewayâ and it was for blind drivers)
âBut the kids will love it!â - use the kids as justification to purchase something that youâve always wanted.
âTry it, youâll like it!â - introduce a kid into your hobby as an excuse to go out more often than the spouse would usually tolerate.
âSaved the day!â - prevent a meltdown by fixing the favorite toy that seemed completely destroyed.
âAnimal surgeonâ - conduct âsurgeryâ to patch up a favorite stuffed animal.
âHere, let me show youâ - take over a video game under the guise of showing the kid how to play.
What else can you add to this list?
Why did the scarecrow win a prize? Because he stood alone in his field! He stood there for years, rotting, until he was forgotten.
I tell my kids, youâre allowed to watch the TV all you want⌠Just donât turn it on! This way they will begin to understand the futility of all things.
How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together. Like all animals, it is an automaton, driven by blind genetic imperative, marching slowly to oblivion.
Why donât skeletons go trick or treating? They have no body to go with them! The skeletons are like us: alone, empty, dead already.
I donât really like playing soccer. I just do it for kicks! Like all of humanity, I pretend to enjoy things, and others pretend to care about my charade.
You hear about the moon restaurant? Good food, no atmosphere! If you eat there, you forfeit your life, which would make no difference to the universe as a whole.
Why did the blonde focus on an orange juice container? It said concentrate! She realized that societyâs depictions of her were like the juice: formulaic, insipid, fake.
My wife told me to put the cat out. I didnât know it was on fire! By the time I could act, it was incinerated, a harbinger of the path we all must take.
How come the invisible man wasnât offered a job? They just couldnât see him doing it! This man stands for all of us: unseen, misunderstood, irrelevant.
Today I gave away my old batteries⌠Free of charge! No one wanted them, so I became angry and threw them in the yard. The battery acid now leaks into the soil, killing a colony of ants. A sparrow eats their bodies and is poisoned. Somewhere in the Serengeti, a lion devours his rivalâs cubs. Then the lion is shot by a poacher and sold to an unloved rich man whose father was an unloved rich man. In five billion years, the Sun will become a bloated giant, boiling the oceans and consuming our pointless cruelties with flames. I wake sweat-drenched and screaming, staring at the visage of a faceless god. âWHAT HAVE I DONE?! HOW COULD I BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD!?â But this god, like all gods, is nothingâjust my sonâs Wilson baseball mitt, sitting on my dresser, mocking me.
Will February March? No, but April May! Soon we become ash, and time forgets us.
Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes
Within animal puns, we provide you the funniest bundle of fish puns
What did the fish say when he posted bail? âIâm off the hook!â
Why donât fish like basketball? Cause theyâre afraid of the net
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
What do you call a fish with a tie? soFISHticated
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark!
How do you make an Octopus laugh? With ten-tickles
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
Why donât fish play basketball? Because there afraid of the net.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? Autotuna
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What is the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.
Why did Sally go to the Lake after her brothers teased her? To fish for compliments.
What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? Good morning ladies.
What did the salmon say when he swam into a wall? Damn!
Whats the best way to catch a fish? Have some one thow it at you.
How do you make a fish laugh? Tell a whale of a tale.
What happens when you drink like a fish? You piss like a fire hose.
Did you know the Octopus is the only fish that can squirt ink? Just Squidding.
What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!
What did the fish say when he posted bail? âIâm off the hook!â
Why donât fish like basketball? Cause theyâre afraid of the net
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark!
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
Why donât fish play basketball? Because there afraid of the net.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? Autotuna
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What is the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.
Why did Sally go to the Lake after her brothers
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