What did the masochist say to the blackjack dealer?

Hit me.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Not_Zuriel
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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I had to quit my job at the blackjack table

I just couldn't deal with people any more.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 201
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NiacTD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 06 2017
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Joan of Arc walks up to a blackjack table.

The casino employee starts handing her cards and says โ€œWell, I guess Iโ€™m a heroine dealer now...โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Alaskan_Viking
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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I managed to break even at Vegas this weekend. I lost a load of money on the blackjack table.

But then won it all back on the ATM machine.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/monkeyupbirch
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
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I called the Blackjack Helpline.

A voice answered and said, "You got the wrong number."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TommehBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
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Jamie used to be a blackjack host, but was offered a better deal
๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/moses10960
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 18 2017
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I'm gonna start my own band with blackjack and hookers

and i'm gonna call it future drama

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fakyuhgooby
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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At the casino a woman accused me of assault

And I say "But I'm the blackjack dealer, it's my job to hit people."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Nicholas-Pressey
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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Casino Joke

So the other day I won a game of blackjack and the dealer said "Congratulations, you won 1000 chips!" I replied "Awesome! What flavor?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrNewbMcMuffin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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I recently had breakfast with Tenacious D while playing a game of cards

Nothing like playing blackjack with Jack Black over a stack of flapjacks

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheyCallMeDrAsshole
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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One day a guy dies...

...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Diet Coke. We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more.

Guy: Gee, that sounds great.

Devil: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it.

Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin' lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay -- you're already dead.

Guy: Golly!

Devil: I bet you like to gamble, too.

Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it. You like to do drugs?

Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...?

Devil: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of the Titanic. You can do all the drugs you want, and you'll never die -- you're already dead.

Guy: Neat! I never realized hell was such a happenin' place!

Devil: You gay?

Guy: No.

Devil: Oh, you're gonna hate Fridays

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DylanTheG999
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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casinos are only fun when you're young

playing blackjack over 21 is a bust.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rocklandderek
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 23 2013
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