Why did the T-Rex behind the blackjack table get arrested?

He was small arms dealing

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📅︎ May 14 2021
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I went to the casino to play blackjack. The dealer got 21 and I got 18.

It really wasn’t iDEAL.

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📅︎ Apr 08 2021
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What did the masochist say to the blackjack dealer?

Hit me.

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👤︎ u/Not_Zuriel
📅︎ Oct 04 2020
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I had to quit my job at the blackjack table

I just couldn't deal with people any more.

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👤︎ u/NiacTD
📅︎ Jun 06 2017
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I managed to break even at Vegas this weekend. I lost a load of money on the blackjack table.

But then won it all back on the ATM machine.

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📅︎ Jul 15 2018
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I called the Blackjack Helpline.

A voice answered and said, "You got the wrong number."

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👤︎ u/TommehBoi
📅︎ Jul 18 2018
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Number wars, a dad joke story.

6 couldn't believe it. 7 had finally gone off the deep end. 7 had long offended 6. A repeat 6 offender if you will. But this was unforgivable. 9 was his best friend. How could he do this to his best friend? How could it be that 7 ate 9?

6, filled with fury, called his friends 2 and 4. They would get even. 10 was the best friend of 7 you see. 2, 4 and 6 ate 10 to get even. They then began plotting further revenge, but 7 acted first. He gathered 1, 3 and 5 together to take down 6.

Realizing that the odds were against them, 2, 4 and 6 retreated. Their only option was to turn to 12 who had twice the resources 6 had. 7 couldn't follow.

12 quickly called 3 to find out what the root of 7's attack on 9. 3 wasn't sure. He had only supported 7 because of a long standing friendship. But 3 promised to get to the root cause.

Meanwhile, 7's scheming was not yet done. 12 was powerful, but there was one who could reverse his decision to harbor 6. If he could just convince 21, nicknamed blackjack, to reverse 12's decision, it would all be over.

Three times 7 went to 21's compound. On the third try he was able to get through. After explaining that 6 had masterminded the elimination of 10, a grand meeting of the numbers was called.

Both 6 and 7 argued over the whole thing. 13 had the unlucky task of adjudicating the meeting. Each time 13 made an argument, 6 and 7 would add to it by shouting over each other.

Finally, 21 had had enough. "7, why did you eat 9"

7 responded "I just wanted to get 3 square meals." 21 had 7 eliminated for initiating the battle and 6 jailed for masterminding 10's death. And the war was over.

👍︎ 10
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📅︎ Mar 27 2021
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At the casino a woman accused me of assault

And I say "But I'm the blackjack dealer, it's my job to hit people."

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📅︎ Apr 13 2020
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Casino Joke

So the other day I won a game of blackjack and the dealer said "Congratulations, you won 1000 chips!" I replied "Awesome! What flavor?"

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📅︎ Apr 24 2020
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One day a guy dies...

...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Diet Coke. We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more.

Guy: Gee, that sounds great.

Devil: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it.

Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin' lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay -- you're already dead.

Guy: Golly!

Devil: I bet you like to gamble, too.

Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it. You like to do drugs?

Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...?

Devil: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of the Titanic. You can do all the drugs you want, and you'll never die -- you're already dead.

Guy: Neat! I never realized hell was such a happenin' place!

Devil: You gay?

Guy: No.

Devil: Oh, you're gonna hate Fridays

👍︎ 54
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📅︎ Jun 18 2019
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