Biscuit tin Puns

He is amazed and wants to buy the duck. The man refuses at first but eventually agreed. As the man walks out of the bar the now owner of the duck shouts. Excuse me how do i stop the duck tap dancing. Simple says the man lift up the tin and blow out the candle......

The bandit hit the penguin over the head with a club, tied him to a wagon wheel with a blue ribbon, and made his breakaway in a taxi, escaping along the rocky road to mars, the milky way, and the Galaxy.

I asked my mum what he was doing and she replied "Ignore him, he's fucking crackers"

A skeleton having a wank in a biscuit tin

1. Anytime anything rattles he says "that sounds like 2 skeletons making love in a biscuit tin."
2. Any beeping, anywhere, ever, he grabs his chest and says "is that my pacemaker?"
3. And the most awkward (he regularly says this) "I believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll... well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad." Then he sneers. Smugly. Every. Time.