When a clogged drain killed his family, a clog far past the u-bend & far beyond justice, he knew had to take matters into his own filthy hands. He had to become...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zagmut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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What do you call a conversation with Beyonce from beyond the grave?

SΓ©once

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EckisReckis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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I read you can buy half a pillowcase down at Bed Bath and Beyond!

Turns out it was a total sham

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guru_in_flannel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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Why do ghosts avoid Bed Bath and Beyond after eating Taco Bell?

They don’t want to get the sheets!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1derin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.

Don't they carry essential oils?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CSwork1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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Have you heard about the new line of Beastie Boys DIY furniture? It comes with everything for step 2 and beyond.

But you gotta fight! For your right! To part A!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/claire_lair
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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People who confuse etymology and entomology bug me beyond words
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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Why the hell anyone would make a plant based burger is beyond

meat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ldb477
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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There was an accident in the Paleontology section of a Natural History Museum where multiple dinosaur skeletons collapsed and were broken beyond repair. The directors of the museum were concerned that visitors wouldn't visit that section anymore ...

but visitors still showed up to view the
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeWunderY
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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From a Paracosmonaut (a person beyond spaced) to you.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FLUXXIX
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
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She's beyond repair..

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her. I said, β€œNo. I can’t deal with high maintenance women.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tanglimara1969
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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My daughter got me the other night. I was proud beyond belief.

My 3 yr old daughter was about to much down on a burrito and I said wait, eat this end first (because it was open on that end) and she looked at me and said, no, I don't want to eat the end, I want to eat the beginning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShaftEEE
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2016
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Which beverage can you enjoy to infinity and beyond?

Bud Light beer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HXCg4m3r
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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In Spain, you should not develop a program beyond 2.0.

Because that would be over dos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/louisng114
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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Got my wife yesterday when she took me to bed bath and beyond

She wanted to buy a mirror and asked me for my opinion.. I told her.

"I can see myself buying this "

She groaned , and was worth it..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/un4r
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2017
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A man broadcast himself reciting a single line of Shakespeare to various galaxies beyond our own.

The man’s performance was universal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carter16891
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2018
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(NFL Pun) I tried to speak to a San Diego Charger from beyond the grave last night.....

....by conducting a Junior Seance.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
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My wife and I were robbed leaving Bed Bath and Beyond.

He came at us with a knife! We were scared sheetless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snesman99
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2016
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My friend works in a bird rehabilitation place. She put a video of her with an actual bird of prey in the gift shop on Instagram and said "Shopping is for the birds". So I sent her a message saying "I bet it's favorite store is Birdbath and beyond".
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarkJohn73
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2016
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At Bed Bath and Beyond I was looking for an "up" pillow.

What's an "up" pillow, you might ask? It's the same as a down alternative pillow!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DailyCupOfCoffee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2016
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The time my Dad went above and beyond the call of duty, at a formal dinner party

Picture this.

A fancy Christmas dinner party at his new wife's opulent, sandstone estate house. Plates are being cleared from the lengthy, mahogony table that seats the fourteen well-to-do guests, the main course having just finished. All have feasted gloriously on our Christmas fare.

My Dad, playing the good host, picks up two bottles of wine, one white and one red, and proceeds to do a round of the table, chatting amiably with everyone as he circles. Those whose glasses are less than 90% full, he proceeds to top-up. I am sitting in the very centre of the long table, seated directly opposite a very well off lady in her early sixties, by the name of Margaret. My dad, having just topped off my glass, is now standing directly behind me.

This older woman, full of grace and charm, looks to my Dad and says, "Thank you so much for this glorious meal, John. It's been simply divine."

My Dad, "Not at all, Margaret, not at all. Could I charge your glass?"

Margaret, "Oh, no no, thank you. I've got the bottle in front of me!"

My Dad, quick of wit, and with a sneaky - yet charming - grin on his face, responds, "Ah, well, better that than a frontal lobotomy!"

I've never been more proud of him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rolloxan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
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He was beyond proud of this one and laughed at his own joke for a long time

Grandmother: This dip is made mostly from horseradish and sour cream

Dad: Mmm, you can really taste the horse!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shoegraze
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2014
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