Barnabas Wood Puns

#Albums

• Bruised OST (featuring Cardi B, Saweetie, Latto, City Girls, H.E.R., Young M.A., Baby Tate, Flo Milli, Rapsody, Erica Banks, Ambré, DreamDoll + more) [Soundtrack, Netflix Movie, Warner / BPG]
• Snoop Dogg Presents The Algorithim (featuring Redman, Method Man, Eric Bellinger, Usher, Fabolous, Dave East, YK Osiris, Blxst, AUGUST 08, Ice Cube, E-40, Too $hort, Benny the Butcher, Jadakiss, Busta Rhymes, Larry June, Mary J. Blidge, Wiz Khalifa, D Smoke + more) [Compilation, Pop Rap, West Coast Hip Hop, Def Jam]
• French Montana - They Got Amnesia (featuring Kodak Black, Rick Ross, John Legend, Pop Smoke, Lil Durk, Fivio Foreign, Saweetie, Doja Cat, Fabolous, Max B, Coi Leray, Latto, Ty Dolla $ign, Lil Tjay & Moneybagg Yo) [Pop Rap, Wavy, Epic]
• D-Block Europe - Home Alone 2 (featuring AJ Tracey, Tion Wayne, Wretch 32, M Huncho, Central Cee + more) [UK Rap, Independent]
• Alemán - Huracán (featuring Snoop Dogg, Cypress Hill, Sick Jacken + more) [Homegrown]
• Shirin David – Bitches brauchen Rap [German Rap, Juicy Money]
• WOS - OSCURO ÉXTASIS [Doguito]
• Orelsan - Civilisation [French Hip Hop, Epic]
• Santino Le Saint - Beautiful Disaster [R&B, Rock, UK, Cloud X / EMPIRE]
• Oxxxymiron - miXXXtape III: Смутное Время [Russian Rap, Independent]
• Jedi Mind Tricks - The Funeral and the Raven (featuring CRIMEAPPLE, Recognize Ali, Ill Bill + more) [Hardcore Hip Hop, Enemy Soil]
• BBY KODIE - Emotions Running High [EQT / True Panther / Motown / UMG]
• Rucci - Back On My Dawg Shit [West Coast, Gangsta Rap, Mackk & Company / EMPIRE]
• [**Dee Watkins

An interesting (to me) request popped up in Recommend Me a Fragrance.

>I'm looking for anything that smells like how a vampire would smell like lol not sure if any1 can help with that but anyways please drop some stuff! don't care if its for men or women just anything you find vampiric in a sense. im into dark perfumes, I love warm, woody and rum smells however im not opposed to lighter smells maybe something for the cold weather too! https://www.reddit.com/r/fragrance/comments/queuip/-/hkx8cb3

My first thought was is this really what a vampire smells like — warm, woody, rum? So I replied with some thoughts. A few others also replied with vampire characteristics, notes/smells, and perfume suggestions.

Feel free to jump in. Add some vampire profiles, notes, and/or perfume recommendations.

Comments:

Bram Stoker's Dracula (Gary Oldman). I'm not as familiar with the Gary Oldman's Dracula, but he would have played a much more glamorous much more charming, sensual vampire, and way less campy. He also was a sharp dresser, a dandy even. And Winona Ryder was his blood source.

Old-school vamps like Dracula (Bela Lugosi). Bela Lugosi's Dracula travelled over an ocean in a clipper ship buried in a coffin in the ship's hold, where he existed by eating rats and preying on the crew. There may have been spices, guns, textiles, tropical fruit and other goods stored in that hold. He also turned into a bat. So for his central smells I'm thinking earth, coffin wood, maybe a little mildew, something decayed, Transylvanian forests, sea water. Something elegant and old-school because, you know, he wore an opera cape and a tux and had to hypnotize maidens. And blood of course.

Then there's Nosferatu, the creepy, silent film vampire who liked to sleep in coffins in dark places during the day, hang out in graveyards, and old stone mansions. He also traveled on a ship and fed on some of the crew. Seawater, dust, earth, blood...

And Twilight: "Sparkles, obviously. Lots of sparkles." (I have nothing, never watched or read the books.)

Edited to add: Slapping the back of my head for forgetting Barnabas from Dark Shadows . Thanks, u/No_Cartographer601. I only spent every high school year after school watching that soap.

Okay, now we have some vampire profiles. And some notes and accords

Recommendations so far:

Tom Ford Tuscan

Title gives it away, but this is the last instalment of Unleashed, in the unplanned future we may comeback with Unleashed Chronicles. A suggestion from the comments on some shorts within the new timeline, random adventures of various characters.

From my co-author, the mighty u/eruwenn - Thanks for reading. Though this story is done, we've got others in the works - you haven't seen the last of us. But mostly, thanks for reading, and for being with us on this more-than-a-year-long literary journey

First /Prev

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Aaron woke with Sassie licking his face — at least, the parts not covered by his white beard. He was disorientated, and so incredibly tired. So tired, in fact, that he could barely move. His eyes were free to wander, though, and as he slowly looked around he realised he was on the floor in front of the pilot's seat. He didn't want to be there, but it took him several minutes to gather enough strength to make the attempt to heave himself upwards. Aaron's limbs shook as he reached for the chair. His mouth was dry as ash, and he tasted blood. A glance at his reflection in one of the displays showed that he looked as awful as he felt - his skin an unnatural pale, which brought forth the darkness of his sunken eyes.

He was only halfway to standing when the trembling in his legs began intensifying in earnest, making it all the harder to manouevre himself into a position where he could finally, blissfully, sit down on the chair. As soon as he did so, though, Sassie pressed her head into his lap, her concern evident. Her cold wet nose nudged under his hand, and he found strength enough to scratch her head. Aaron smiled, causing his lips to unstick from where they had been practically glued to his teeth.

“How long was I out?” he asked out loud. “I guess with all the fighting I tired myself out more than I thought.” He tried to stand, but everything ached, and his body once more collapsed under him. “Maybe I’ll just rest here for a minute.”

Sassie put her two front paws on his lap, and her closer proximity better allowed him to scratch at the deep luxurious fur around her neck and behind her ears. “Never too tired for hugs, though.”

He realised he was one pet short, and turned to check Aiov's bed. New memories came flooding forth, from after the battle where he had found his friends safe. He had successful

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

And boy are my arms legs.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

They’re on standbi

BamBOO!

The 13th Floor Elevators Alice Cooper The Amboy Dukes Amon Düül Big Brother and the Holding Company Black Sabbath Blue Cheer Blues Magoos The Charlatans Count Five Country Joe and the Fish Coven Cream Deep Purple The Deviants The Doors The Electric Prunes The Fugs Grateful Dead The Great Society The Groundhogs Hawkwind Iron Butterfly Jefferson Airplane The Jimi Hendrix Experience Janis Joplie JPT Scare Band Love MC5 Moby Grape The Music Machine Quicksilver Messenger Service Santana The Seeds Grace Slick Steppenwolf Tully Vanilla Fudge Wooden Shjips .38 Special 10,000 Maniacs 10cc The B-52's A Flock of Seagulls A Tribe Called Quest A-ha ABBA ABC AC/DC Ryan Adams Adele The Airborne Toxic Event Alberta Cross Alice In Chains Alice Cooper Lily Allen All American Rejects The Allman Brothers Band Gregg Allman Girls Aloud AJR alt-J Ambrosia American Authors Tori Amos Anderson Paak The Angels The Animals Fiona Apple Aqualung Arcade Fire Tasmin Archer Arctic Monkeys Jann Arden Arlo Parks Louis Armstrong Joseph Arthur Ásgeir Asia Asleep at the Wheel Assembly of Dust Nicole Atkins Atlas Genius Augustana The Avett Brothers Bachman-Turner Overdrive Badfinger Badly Drawn Boy Bahamas Bakar Bananarama The Band Dazz Band The Bangles Band of Horses Sara Bareilles Barenaked Ladies The Baseball Project Bear Hands The Beach Boys Beastie Boys The Beatles The Beautiful South Beck Howie Beck Jeff Beck Bee Gees The Bees / A Band of Bees Beirut Belle Brigade Ben Folds Five Chuck Berry Best Coast Better Than Ezra Big Head Todd & The Monsters Andrew Bird The Black Crowes The Black Keys The Black Eyed Peas Black Pumas Blessid Union of Souls Björk Aloe Blacc James Blake Blonde Redhead Blondie Blind Faith Blind Melon Blue Merle The Blue Nile Blue October Blue Öyster Cult David Bowie Blur A-Trak Afrojack Alesso Erol Alkan Steve Aoki The Avener Avicii Danny Ávila Benny Benassi Bingo Players Blasterjaxx The Bloody Beetroots Bodyrox Booka Shade Boys Noize Breakbot Busy P Felix Cartal CFCF The Chainsmokers Chuckie Clockwork Cold Blank Congorock The Count & Sinden Crookers Dada Life Daft Punk John Dahlbäck deadmau5 Digitalism Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike Diplo Dirty South DJ Ajax DJ Tocadisco Duck Sauce 187 Lockdown 3 of a Kind 3rd Edge All About She AlunaGeorge Shola Ama Amira Architechs Artful Dodger Asher D A vs B Katy B B-15 Project Bad Boy Chiller Crew Daniel Bedingfield Dane Bowers Burial Ed Case TJ Cases Club Asylum MJ Cole Colour Girl Da Click Craig David Roy Davis Jr. De Nada

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Amy