Why did the student throw a 64 pack of Crayola crayons at his art teacher after he was done with his test?

He wanted to pass with flying colors.

I thought of that myself.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stupidman44
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I got a $1000 fine for taking a picture of myself.

It was an expensive self fee.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I was excited to get a large can of fine meat from Amazon.

But it turned out to be spam.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My son grows a lot of fur and manufactures products of art or craft on nights when the moon is full...

He is a ware wolf!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the band that got cancelled by PETA for their album art featuring trees made of flesh?

They caught a lot of meatwood flack

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/burritovore
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
It's weird being colorblind in an art gallery. Everything's a pigment of the imagination.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsCreepMeowt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?

Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh

πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear Ben and Jerry's are gonna stop making ice cream and start their own branch of martial arts?

They call it Koo-Kee Do

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FartyMcFry89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my friend that I just got my Bachelor of Science.

My friend said, β€œThat’s BS!”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/csteinbergrules
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Old man Art was planting flowers in his front yard. The homeowners’ association fined him $100.

Yard Art is strictly prohibited.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I got my wife a copy of the Pixar movie Up when it came out a long time ago, but she dropped it while opening it. She dropped it so many times over the years that the box is very damaged and the disc is no longer playable. Her other movies are perfectly fine, but not this one.

She did not hold Up well.

πŸ‘︎ 307
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mortalfloater
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report
We must create artistic compositions made of various materials glued on a surface for my Art 419 class project...

I guess I'll give it the old collage try.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm still figuring out how to properly wear a face covering. Before I could master the art I was robbed of my beloved mask...

It was stolen from right under my nose.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ramzert
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out that Mercedes is donating state of the art street sweepers to some of the largest cities around the world to help fight littering.

They’re calling it Mercedes-clenz

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmanzero
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The result of an art competition...

Is a draw.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/matthewrmshin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
When I went to the county courthouse to pay my fines with a bag full of dimes, the clerk wasn't very happy...

It was in tenths.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joeskies307
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
11 years ago my mother decided to go back and finish school. She earned her bachelors, masters, and just got her PhD. She asked if I was proud of her

"What's with the third degree?"

πŸ‘︎ 231
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pzl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2017
🚨︎ report
I just read in the newspaper: "Painting stolen from art museum found by a set of dustbins."

Those dustbins must be very intelligent.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My College Internship Almost Ruined My Life

I'm quite the music history buff- always have been. My first inkling as a college student was to explore turning this into a career. So I found a music museum, wrote an impassioned essay, and somehow landed the 12-week internship.

When I got there, I met the curator, a woman named Rhonda. Like me, she had grown up enjoying music and always wanting to know more. Thanks to grants and donors' generosity, she had helped continue the museum's legacy of showcasing what might otherwise be lost to history.

The tradition of the museum had always been to let the interns work in the orchestral wing. My assignment in particular was the string section.

Now I didn't know a whole lot about the string family, but I saw some really fine specimens and decided we could perhaps tell a broader story about the progression of the instruments. And so I began studying.

After about a week of studying, I went to Rhonda and asked if we could do something different here. She was very receptive to the idea and introduced me to her assistant, Dr. Will. His PhD was in history, natch, but he still relished having everyone call him Doctor. It was funny.

Dr. Will helped me learn so much about how the family of instruments developed over time, their overall cultural footprint, etc.

Did you know a fiddle and a violin are the same thing? Did you know the viola family dates back to the 16th C.? Vivaldi wrote 25 cello concertos!

I dazzled visitors with tales of the Stradivarius, Amati and Guarneri families. I noted the increase in neck length over time. I reassured them that despite the name catgut, no cat intestines were used in the creation of these instrumentsβ€”but it sure might be sheep or goat.

Sadly, 12 weeks goes by quickly when you're having fun, and I got enthusiastic letters of recommendation from Rhonda and Dr. Will, and I do miss them. Hello, you two.

I figured I could waltz (sorry) right in to more museum jobs later, but boy, was I mistaken.

I kept interviewing for the job, but after about the 10th cold shoulder, I had to find out what I was doing wrong. I had done such a good job, after all, right??????

So I fucking called the museum

got the guy who interviewed me on the lineβ€”and he wasn't thrilled to even talk to me. But I asked him, sir, why didn't I even get a call back? Weren't my qualifications good?

He said, yes, BUT.......

"...we simply can't hire someone who has exhibited a history of violins."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yungcfa
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I was pondering some of the practical arts that are dying out like silversmithing and coppersmithing.

One of the most tragic is the art of hand making exit signs which is really on the way out.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. β€œState of the Art,” he said, β€œIt cost me a fortune.”

I said, β€œAwesome. What type is it?”

He said, β€œ Two thirty.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Canadian Joke

The history of Canada, Chapter 1: The Beaver

national symbol of Canada and a "dam" fine hat

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JackFrostintheBox
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My boss said that an outdoor concert was fine this fourth of July celebration despite the forecast f rain...

Just so I cover all the bassists.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A brand new one from my dad:

Dad: I’m gonna have to return all of these poles. They’re too tall.

Me: They seem fine.

Dad: No. The stakes are too high.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mush_Tilly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Our art teacher wanted us to come closer to sketch an aspect of distance or time...

We all drew near.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Homegrown dad joke

I was driving from Tennessee to North Carolina the other day and right after I crossed over the Eastern Continental Divide, there was some road construction. A sign there said, "Fines Higher" and I thought to myself, "Huh. Probably because of the elevation."

Then I was disappointed because I was by myself and there was nobody there to tell.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fullinversion82
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
We just bought a painting by a farmer who only creates art of cows and horses.

His name is Oscar Moo-neigh.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Duzervee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Need a pun and I’m not good at them

I’m making some art about a band with three spray bottles as the singers, what are some band names? It would be cool if it was a pun about sprays or a parody of an existing band, thanks

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joeys_Epic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
They kicked me out of art school when my sculpture didn't work out as planned.

I reached my statue of limitations.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The only type of art that people despised

Fart

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of martial arts do viruses know?

Kung flu.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/da_one1morelight
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Who improved the art of stealing to perfection?

Rob Boss.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What is sun tzu’s cookbook called?

The art of vore

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My daughter didn't want to eat her dinner so I said "Ok that's fine, technically you can go the rest of your life without eating."

"You'd starve to death but that technically was the rest of your life."

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigaylowry
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
The art of policing
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/7L2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a sailor's favorite type of art?

Port-raiture

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WinterWolf041
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
He knows the subtle art of denial

Because he Noes

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a fine collection of candy canes.

They're in mint condition.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.

But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks...

He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Β‘Eso sΓ­ que es!"

"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberentomology
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Billy turned in his art project and his teacher said β€œThis piece of paper has nothing on it?”

Billy replied β€œI drew a blank”

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report

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