...but the reviews said it's only good on paper
It was a No Bell Prize.
It's a nice little place that serves Indian food, and some Canadian stuff, like pizza. We ordered their Hawaiian special, and loved it. I told my wife the texture of the crust lead me to think they used Indian flatbread for it.
She replied "So that is the secret ingredient?"
"Could be," I answered. "But it's naan of your business what their recipe is."
Mom: Yea, they have a new daycare and really love it. It's only three doors down from their house so it's very convenient.
Dad: Huh... That'd be a good band name.
Mom: What?
Dad: Three Doors Down. That'd be a good band name.
Now I’m the CIEIO
A ladder
Apparently their music was not audible in their noise cancellation headphones
I call it the 0k boomer experiment.
She came into my office with a box of highlighters for me and as a dad, I felt compelled to say "thanks, this will be the highlight of my day"
She sighed, groaned, and left, questioning her life choice to work here. :(
http://imgur.com/fm36oJ1
Every time I walk by she says, “What an Ass.”
Last night I was at a bar with a couple buddies and a girl I've been seeing (we'll call her Melissa). We're playing 2v2 pool and I'm on Melissa's team when my other buddy shoots and misses. Being fairly new to pool, Melissa perks up and says "Is it my turn?"
To which I said "That would be your cue" as I handed her her pool stick.
She gasped audibly and said, “Yeah?”
I said, “Help! My knee is made of magnets!”
Excali-buuurrrrr
r/dadjokes on you!
and fruit flies like a banana.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Me: Sure, tell me one son. My Son: Did you know that Lincoln had a guard with him at the theater where he was shot, but that the guard left to go across the street to have a drink and that's why Lincoln wasn't guarded when he was shot? Me: No, son, I had no idea. My Son: But that's not all. It was the same bar that John Wilkes Booth was waiting in before going to kill the president. Me: So did they see each other? My Son: I'm not sure dad. I'm thinking Booth might have been waiting to see if he would come in before he went over to shoot Lincoln. Me: I wonder if the guard came in, and Booth ask him if he could buy him a shot?!?!? My Son: audibly smacks head
They saw the signs before anyone else
It’s a gift.
I feel good from my head tomatoes.
Mom: "It's clearly not."
Dad: Sits down "It is now!"
Jack and the beans talk!!!
Turns out two heads are better than one.
I have a Czech one too...
Because all the other vowels are in audible.
I guess you could say she Scandinavian.
Because you can’t c in the dark.
It's my thirty second birthday.
Because they are snow dens.
..It’s a shame they’ll never meet each other.
Wrong number lady: "I'm looking for a, uh, Victor?"
Me: "Nice, wha'd I win?"
WNL: (audible confusion and realization)
I know it's bad but I felt like my dad today.
It's called AD/BC
And he said "no whey!"
Now, you’ve read it.
I keep getting ab-duct-taped by aliens.
if every fifth caller was a winner
I work in an office with 2 other guys and we all get along very well. Once every other week, a cleaning crew comes in to sweep, dust, mop etc.
One of the cleaning crew had a duster out and was dusting my coworkers desk. He told the lady to hit me with the duster as I was acting silly as usual. She said she couldn't as she would go to jail for battery. I said, "No. You would go to jail for assault with a dusty weapon."
The audible groans and chuckles were fuel to my dad humoured fire.
An Asshole
This is an audible joke so just typing the name here won't be funny.
My boyfriend said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
