A friend of mine asserts that she loves all animals. However, I did point out to her the distain she holds for large African water-dwelling mammals.

I just think she’s being a bit hippo critical.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yetanotherrob
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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An assertive man walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ‘€︎ u/DazBlintze
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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Where do assertive Chinese people move to?


πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/peregrinfail
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2017
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I brought home Popeye's for my family for dinner.

I'm visiting my folks and my sister is over as well, and we're all eating the Popeye's. This is my dad's first time having it.

Sister: "Hey, so do you like this or KFC better?"

Dad: "Hmmm. I think I like this better actually, the quality at KFC has gone down lately."

Me: "Yeah. It used to be KFC. Now it's just OKFC"

And guys. My dad laughed. Did I make it? :')

πŸ‘︎ 237
πŸ‘€︎ u/ieGod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2016
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Making Memes at 81

Every time my 81-year-old dad loses his satellite radio signal in his car, he waves his fist in the air and shouts "PUTIN STRIKES!"

I showed him the picture of Rootin Tootin Putin and now he wants it on a t-shirt with that assertion as a caption.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/BayouRoux
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2016
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My dadjoked the hell of me.

A rope is at a bar late at night. He's just getting drunk enough to be annoying, so the bartender asks him to leave. The rope begs and pleads and he eventually, recognizing that it futile, gets up and leaves the bar. He goes around the corner and cuts off the end of himself and he then tatters the end. He returns to the bar and the bartender vaguely recognizing him, says, "Weren't you in here a little while ago?”

The rope denies it immediately, and responds with an assertive β€œNo.”

The bartender about 75% sure he was in the bar earlier, says β€œYeah aren't you the rope?"

The rope says "A frayed knot."

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dudeitsjustme
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2015
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