Assertion Puns

I just think she’s being a bit hippo critical.

Taipei.

I'm visiting my folks and my sister is over as well, and we're all eating the Popeye's. This is my dad's first time having it.

Sister: "Hey, so do you like this or KFC better?"

Dad: "Hmmm. I think I like this better actually, the quality at KFC has gone down lately."

Me: "Yeah. It used to be KFC. Now it's just OKFC"

And guys. My dad laughed. Did I make it? :')

Every time my 81-year-old dad loses his satellite radio signal in his car, he waves his fist in the air and shouts "PUTIN STRIKES!"

I showed him the picture of Rootin Tootin Putin and now he wants it on a t-shirt with that assertion as a caption.

A rope is at a bar late at night. He's just getting drunk enough to be annoying, so the bartender asks him to leave. The rope begs and pleads and he eventually, recognizing that it futile, gets up and leaves the bar. He goes around the corner and cuts off the end of himself and he then tatters the end. He returns to the bar and the bartender vaguely recognizing him, says, "Weren't you in here a little while ago?”

The rope denies it immediately, and responds with an assertive “No.”

The bartender about 75% sure he was in the bar earlier, says “Yeah aren't you the rope?"

The rope says "A frayed knot."