Daughter is having trouble homeschooling at the moment. "Argh i can't spell today..."

T-o-d-a-y

Boom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adz1179
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"

The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cryingstlfan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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this sub in a nutshell
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ValilolHD
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

Because they got lost at C!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_ivy_ally
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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What did the giant octopus say to the pirate ship?

What’s Kraken!!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RSGaming0416
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Railroad crossing without any cars. Spell that without any R’s

T H A T

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnifeLegend19
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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I'm a teacher and I like to do superhero impressions before class to put students in a good mood.

The other day I told them I was going to do an imitation of Batman, so I started off with:

"Argh… kryptonite, getting weaker…"

"THAT'S SUPERMAN!" a student in the back row yelled

"Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot", I replied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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What's a pirate's favorite letter?

You'd think it's argh! but it's the SEA, matey!

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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What smells better than it tastes?

Your nose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/expressionless420
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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How do we know that the Russians were pirates?

They captained the USS Argh!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Its_Hot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...

He dresses in Argh-mani suits.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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What did the pirate say when the man asked about the wheel attached to his crotch

Argh, I don’t know, but it’s been drivin me nuts all day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bombdogjr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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Why was the pirate afraid of the year 2000?

He thought it might be argh-mageddon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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What's the name of the pirate's cat?

Garrrfield

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stgm_at
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel shaped looking thing in his pants

the bartender said "you know you have your ships steering wheel in your pants?" the pirate replied "argh matey, i know its driving me nuts"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anonylynn0
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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A pirate walks into a bar...

...with a full-sized ship's steering wheel attached to the zipper of his pants.

The bartender says, "There's a steering wheel attached to your zipper, doesn't that bother you?"

The pirate replies, "Argh, it's driving me nuts."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tng_reddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An Instagram

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themannamedme
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2016
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Why couldn't the pirate finish the alphabet

He was at "argh!" for too long

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wizardbhead
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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Why didn't my mom let me see the pirate movie?

It was rated Argh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abb1012
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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The number 8 was incredibly hostile at the Numbers Dress Up party

He didn’t want to benign.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/idrees7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
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Hey son, can you pick me up some fruit at school?

Son: Fruit? What kind and why? Me:Some Chemis fruit. Son: Chemis fruit? I've never heard of that. Me: It grows off the Chemis Tree. Son: Argh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
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I’m Dad... nice to meet ya

This is the latest joke making its way around our house. My kids started it β€” I swear. And I’ve perpetuated it. Much to their dismay.

Typical exchange, usually around the table:

Kid: β€œI’m hungry.” Me: β€œI’m Dad. Nice to meet you, hungry.” Kid: β€œARGH! I’m serious.” Me: β€œwell, I’m still Dad, Serious.” Kid: (Thoroughly annoyed.) β€œCan I be excused.” Me: β€œWell, I’d prefer you stay Serious. If you’re not Hungry, though, you may leave the table.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadacolt45
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
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I'm getting old

Popped one on my daughters today, received with blank stares.

I was passing a large piece of scrambled egg over.

Egg crumbles and falls off the fork.

Daughter:argh it fell off!

Me: yeah it had poor int.egg.rity

#Tumbleweed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phunkygeeza
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2014
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My friend got me in maths today

My pen was running out so I said "Argh, my pen is dying!". He leaned over and said "Don't forget to give it its last writes...". Dammit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/galat5v1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2014
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The classic

Wife: Kids! Come down for dinner!

4yo: Dad, I'm hungry.

Me [pauses for dramatic effect because we all know it's happening]: Hi, Hungry... I'm Dad.

4yo: NO! I'm not Hungry!

Me: Oh, ok. Honey, 4yo isn't hungry.

Wife: He doesn't want dinner?

4yo: No. I am hungry.

Me: Oh hi, Hungry, I'm Dad.

4yo: ARGH!!!!!!

7yo: Ugh. Just ignore him, 4yo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosTechnician
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2017
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This was gun

Me and 2 7 year olds (one my daughter's brother): boy 1:What's your last name? Me: (say last name) boy 2: Spell it. Me: "I-T" Boy 1: "Nooooo spell your last name." Me: "Y-O-U-R L-A-S-T N-A-M-E" both boys: Argh! Boy 1: Ok what's your last name. Me: (say last name) Boy 1: Spell that. Me: "T-H-A-T" Boy 2: Noooo spell your last naaaaame. Me: "Y-O-U-R L-A-S-T N-A-A-A-A-M-E" Boy 1: Ok, say your last name Me: Your last name. Boy 1: noooooo say your last name Me: Your last name.

I kept them going for a good 5 minutes before they figured out "spell (my last name)" Quite amusing.

edit: second time I misspelled the title. It's supposed to say "this was fun"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2017
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Dad joked the manager at work

Him: "Ask what's-his-name to do it."

Me: "Who?"

Him: "Argh, his name is on the tip of my tongue."

Me (leaning in, looking at his mouth): "I don't see anything."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatsteedybloke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2014
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Just discovered this subreddit. Here's the joke my dad tells to every new person he meets.

So A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch. Bartender says "oh my god, there's a steering wheel on your crotch!" The pirate says "Argh, it's drivin me nuts!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DatBowl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2015
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