What google application is the most supportive?

Google drive because it always has a folder to cry on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimeTreePi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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My job application was rejected by a juice company...

I shouldn’t have mentioned my solid experience.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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Self-Depreciation Society accepting new applicants

I already put myself down

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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What kind of flooring can be used for any application?

Versa-tile!

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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I am finally ready to accept applications for my deer cloning business...

It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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My imterviewer asked me why I put A, C, D, E, I, M, N, O, R, and T on my application.

I told him they were the letters of recommendation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChargedMedal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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This pretty much sums of every applicant we’ve seen at the shop....Nah, hostess
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tribelawn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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I just read a book about the proper application of adhesive substances

I just cant put it down

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hey-reddit-im-dad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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A priest in a big church in Paris has a job interview with a new bell ringer. The priest asks β€œwhy should I hire you?” The applicant responded β€œI have a special talent!”

β€œOh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.

The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.

At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!

β€œYou’re hired!!” He exclaimed.

The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.

The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.

A bystander asked β€œwho is he?”

The priest responded β€œI don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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Why is Excel the most hated of all Microsoft applications?

All it does is spreadsheet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sothg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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Why did the job applicant kick the door on his way into the interview?

So he could try to get a foot in the door

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a new-build house!

When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.

When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.

I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!

Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!

Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!

That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. β€œThis technology is going to change the world, I swear it!” I told her. β€œCan you answer the door? I’ve been on my feet all day”

β€œYeah,” she replied, less enthusiastic than I,β€œbut it’ll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.” She explained β€œWhen these machines develop such sentience, what’s stopping them from overthrowing us?” β€œTreating us as slaves, like we to them now?” She asked, distraught at theses ideas.

Knock knock

β€œIt’s best not to worry about these things,” I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.

β€œThere are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!” β€œThat future you’re frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.” I explained.

She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. β€œDon’t think on it now, have some faith!” I told her.

Knock knock

β€œNow let that sink in!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/olemonheado
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I am trying to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but the companies keep denying my application.

They told me, β€œIf your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my mom how are computers so smart

She answered:"Because they listen to their motherboards"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jackieboi24
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Application or downlication?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Solilupus
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Due to coronavirus, applications are being moved from TCP to UDP.

To avoid handshakes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Itsimpleismart
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
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I programed a new application on my robot that simulates anxiety I call it...

The nervous system

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Childhoodcocaine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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What happened to the dull knife's application

It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pulsar0516
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage.

I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sebfazio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard that Beethoven once wrote a song about a website that lets you submit rental applications online.

He called it "fΓΌr e-lease”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryosen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Remotely Yours

So we had this issue yesterday where secure shell commands were failing from our newly enabled backup system to a downstream application.

I logged in manually using the correct credentials to confirm the keys were fine, but I noticed it was the first time in known hosts, so i typed β€œyes” to put the entry in and figured that would fix it.

When the problem came back today, I was surprised at first, but then it hit me...

Same ssh -t different server...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCandIO
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My best job application yet
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MalelaIsMeh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I lied on my application for membership to the American Amputee Association

When they found out, I was dismembered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Happy_Each_Day
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes:

C

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkRedditBot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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Lately I have been lying on all of my job applications.

I found them all stuffed under my mattress.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fux_Aches
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Google Just launched an application for infants and newborns, it's called

Google-dada

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Udjasen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
An iPhone application should be called as an Applecation.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pabesh17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I just read a patent application for a device that advances through a book while you read it.

It was a real page-turner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mhwal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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If I owned a roofing company, and interviewed an applicant with a fear of heights.....

......I wouldn't "higher" them......

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Dress Code
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/udipadhikari
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the applicant mail a ruler to the company a week before the interview?

He was trying to get 30.48 cm in the door.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugbrain_04
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2017
🚨︎ report
I wrote up my 20 page patent application for an assistive tech robot that flips pages of a book for you.

It's a real page turner!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uranus_be_cold
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
A person that works faster than expected always has extra time on their hands.

The same is true for clocks.

(PSA: Remember to correct yours tonight, as applicable.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrBELDING69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Instagram: An application that lets you instantly summon a grand-mother.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maax42_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
🚨︎ report
A church was hiring a new bell ringer

And they interviewed an applicant named Stan. Stan had no arms due to an accident so the hiring manager asked how he would ever be able to do the job.

"I'll show you",said Stan.

They walked up flight after flight of stairs to the Bell tower all the while the manager wondered how Stan would ever be able to do the job. His questions were soon answered when after reaching the Bell tower, Stan took off running striking the bell face first. Gooong goes the bell. Stan picks himself up, takes off running face first at the bell, Gooong.

"Hold, on. You'll hurt yourself."

"I'm tough," said Stan, " "and I really needed this job"

"Ok," said the manager, leaving Stan to do the job.

All day the bell rang on the hour correctly and the manager thought too soon that he had misjudged Stan. Finally, at six in the evening there were only three gongs, then a commotion. Going out to see what was going on he found Stan dead on the street below. Apparently he had become disoriented from head trauma and missed the bell entirely falling to the street below.

"Who was this man, Who was he?" asked the crowd.

Not wanting to admit liability for the accident, the manager said "I don't know."

"But his face sure rings a bell"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_pos-tmodern_man
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
There were too many applicants for boot camp

Many of them had to be put on a wading list.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TakaComics
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2016
🚨︎ report
He Excels at PowerPoint.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/el_pintado_81
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
So I was working in a group planning out a new C# application

I loudly proclaimed "I object."

Boss: To what? We barely started.

Me: Oh, I thought we were using object oriented programming.

Room: groans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
🚨︎ report
Classic, applicable anywhere.

Her: I want to go to Las Vegas too!

Me: Is it better than Las Vegas one?

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinghamL
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2016
🚨︎ report
r/dadjokes is recruiting moderators, join us!

Update: Thanks for all your applications! Give /u/parin89 and I a few days to take a look and confer!
(if you haven't put your application in yet, you've still got time)

-

Greetings /r/dadjokes subscribers,

Years have passed since this sub started up, and there are now literally millions of you. Whoa.

Two million people is just two many two handle for two moderators. Especially these days, when both /u/parin89 and I have two many other responsibilities and a whole lot less time. I'm 200% sure most of you would agree that more mods are needed.

So we're looking for 5 more moderators to get involved. If you're keen to apply, read the rest of this post and answer the three questions in your comment response.

Answer these 3 questions in your reply:

  1. How would you describe a dad joke?
  2. Do you currently moderate any other subreddits? If yes, which ones.
  3. You see a post that is not breaking the rules or reddit's posting guidelines, but is generally disliked by the community. What do you do?

Only apply if:

  • You're a reasonable, fair-minded and patient human
  • You're in it to keep this community a happy, friendly and safe place for other humans
  • You've got previous mod experience from a decent sized community (let's say... 5k+)
  • You're cool with the first few months being a trial run
  • You understand that while we could use more active moderation, and would benefit from a few more rules, one of the things that makes this community great is that it's pretty open (after all, dad jokes repeat a lot and not every "repost" is necessarily an opportunistic attempt to game karma)

We'd benefit from a few practical things as well, it would be great if:

  • You live in a timezone that covers off either the USA, the UK, Australia (we'd like a spread)
  • You've got some automod experience
  • You've got some sub-customisation experience

Don't apply if:

  • You're ready to come out swinging with a power tripping ban hammer
  • You're more concerned about Internet points than real people

We'll leave this stickied for a week and then come back to message a few people and make some selections.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
MIT's Computer Science PhD application only accepts text files. That's really ASCII a lot, in my opinion.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/markjamesyork
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2016
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If you were born between December 22nd and January 20th then that means you're a part of the
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrikamiPanio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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My university's Archery Club asks for an original joke in it's application form ... I think I'm way ahead of the curve to become a dad

My application reads: Why did the German archer refuse to adopt the Euro?

...

Because he missed his mark.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terb3ar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2015
🚨︎ report
What is the best way to get into college?

Use the door.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magus_5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report

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