I told my son if he farted in the car he would have to give me 10$ of his 100$ monthly allowance.
I always get my 10 Per-Scent
My three kids thought it was nice that I would give them the average of all three of their allowances.
“No,” I said. “It’s actually pretty mean.”
I handed my daughter money for her allowance as she was sitting on the couch. I said, "Do you know what just happened?" ...
"I just cashed you inside, how bow dah?"
<She was not impressed with my meme knowledge.>
Attention Punners
I am a representative from the r/PunPatrol and we have been seeing some of our officers have been arrested individuals on this server where in a peace treaty we have allowed Puns in this subreddit. We apologise for these rogue officers and have reported them to r/PunInternalAffairs . Thanks for understanding.
Key and Peele....
... are two things you can do to damage lemons.
I almost put this in /r/showerthoughts, but they don't allow puns.
I apologise if this isn't allowed.
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
I went to a Ford dealership the other day looking for a specific model. The salesman told me they didn’t have what I was looking for and that I wasn’t allowed to leave.
My wife thinks we should allow our pets to share our bed.... I finally gave in.
After 10 minutes, our goldfish finally settled down.
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii,
In Soviet union you were not allowed to write with your left hand. That isn't right!
A person asked a Muslim scholar of its allowed to smoke marijuana in his country?
He replied: only gays get stoned here
I don't think women should be allowed to have kids after 40
40 kids is way too much by any standard
Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open during lockdown?
When visiting France, one has to go to the structure that allows sufficient observation to discover more than enough to be satisfied.
Oui, a visit to the Eyeful Tower is always recommended when vacationing in France.
A Higgs-Boson walks into a church, only to be stopped by a priest at the door. "I'm very sorry but we don't allow Higgs-Boson in here."
The Higgs-Boson then replies, "But without me, how will you have mass?"
Cymbals should be allowed to have sex with whomever they want
My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.
This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.
Allow me to introduce myself
In which part of Canada are you not allowed to do anything?
Why are cops allowed to sleep on the job?
Because they have the right to a rest!
When visiting Hawaii, you're not allowed to laugh out loud.
What invention allows us to see through walls?
The folks who live in my town aren’t allowed to be buried in the old cemetery on the edge of town.
Mostly because they’re not dead yet.
Are pun requests allowed?
I'm trying to find a good pun for pine or pine tree that is wedding/marriage themed.
What four elements are you not allowed to bring to your job?
Nitrogen, sulfur, Fluorine, and tungsten, cause they are NSFW.
does Hawii allow loud laughs...
We’re in the process of potty training my two year old. My wife took her into the bathroom and argued with her that she’s not allowed to take toys into the bathroom.
I interrupted her and told her that it is in fact called a toy-let.
Not many fans are allowed in the stadium for Green Bay’s game today. It will be like
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.
Because they have immunity.
What fruit is not allowed in any Las Vegas Wedding Chapels?
As a child, I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents didn't allow it.
They said the sky is the limit.
Did you know about the group where only Trump supporters were allowed?
The others are forbiden.
Credit to u/i_like_it_eilat
A guy walks into a bar with a dog and the bartender says "No pets allowed!"
The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."
The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.
The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"
The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.
The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"
The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.
The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"
The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...
Why was covid not allowed into a bar?
Why did the Red Cross not allow Jesus and Muhammad to volunteer?
It’s a non-prophet organization.
In an effort to combat climate change, the U.S. Army will no longer allow rabbits to drive vehicles.
This will eliminate 75% of America’s car bunny missions.
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii...
Do they allow loud laughs in Hawaii?
In Hawaii, do they allow loud laughing?
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii?
Do they allow loud laughing in hawai
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii?
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii?
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii
Did you know people aren't allowed to laugh out loud in Hawaii?
They are only allowed a low ha.
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii
or is it just.... A Low Ha?
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii?
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