He couldn’t budget so he worked it out with a pencil
Because they love to spread sheet!
No shit Sherlock?
I've always had a lack of interest.
Tax-is
They were Prime mates.
I can only do panic.
Because you’re now a steakholder
Just read an amazing account of a 13th-Century siege.
The attackers killed the duke's son, knocking him from the battlements with a peasant's severed head fired from a trebuchet.
It was the first recorded instance of a serf-face-to-heir missile.
From Twitter.
Sheepdog: Yeah I know, but I rounded them up!
Cause I’m always checking to see if there’s money.
You have my word.
Not a single fan.
A Civil Serpent.
Because it's accrual world out there.
...she was an LPN.
We had a Don't Bother Checking account.
My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.
Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.
For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.
My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").
We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."
We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.
My pillow only had one side.
Repossession was 9/10 of the law.
Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.
Our scotch tape was scots-irish.
(I'm allowed)
My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.
One year Santa had to bring stockings.
The next year he filled them with nooses.
I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.
Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.
but I've slowly gained interest
Son: “I hate crumbs.”
Me: “That’s not cool. Crumbs never did anything to you.”
Son: “Well I don’t want to eat them.”
Me: “And they don’t want to eat you.”
Son: “Crumbs can’t eat anything, Dad. They don’t have a mouth and they can’t swallow things inside them.”
Me: “What if there’s a river of crumbs going into the ocean and a duck lands on them and it’s like quicksand so the duck gets swallowed up at the mouth of the river of crumbs? I’d say it just got eaten.”
Son: “And I’d say you’re ducking weird.”
No followers.
It’s a balancing act
I lost Yuan
What do you call two monkeys that share and Amazon account?
He said “No, I’m adulting you.”
My dad: there's no need to insult my income like that.
An accountant (account'nt)
My accountant said it would be a sound investment.
I want no trouble, so I decided to leave it where I found it
Does that mean I have accountability?
I call it my hedge fund
He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a pencil.
Tax-is.
They were Prime mates.
He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with a pencil.
They just couldn’t budget
You have my Word.
They were Prime-mates!
