Just read an amazing account of a 13th-Century siege.
Just read an amazing account of a 13th-Century siege.
The attackers killed the duke's son, knocking him from the battlements with a peasant's severed head fired from a trebuchet.
It was the first recorded instance of a serf-face-to-heir missile.
From Twitter.
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︎ Feb 17 2021
Ba dum TSSHHH
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︎ Feb 05 2021
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldnβt budget, so he had to work it out with a pencil.
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︎ Feb 06 2021
If you eat beef, you automatically become accountable...
Because youβre now a steakholder
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︎ Jan 26 2021
What is the favorite mode of transportation for accountants?
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︎ Feb 12 2021
Sheepdog: All 40 sheep are accounted for, boss. Farmer: But I only had 39?
Sheepdog: Yeah I know, but I rounded them up!
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︎ Jan 06 2021
So touching
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︎ Jan 03 2021
You know why they call it a checking account?
Cause Iβm always checking to see if thereβs money.
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︎ Nov 22 2020
To whoever stole my microsoft account, I will find you...
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︎ Nov 02 2020
Did you heard about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
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︎ Apr 16 2020
What do all new Reddit Accounts have in common with the new MacBook Air?
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︎ Dec 08 2020
What is an accountant's favourite season?
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︎ Oct 21 2020
What do you call a snake that works for the government?
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Easiest way to flush them out
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︎ Feb 04 2021
Why are accountants scared to go outside?
Because it's accrual world out there.
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︎ Oct 22 2020
I thought getting a bank account would be boring
but I've slowly gained interest
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︎ Oct 21 2020
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︎ Aug 18 2020
Verbatim account of a conversation with my son at breakfast this morning that makes me feel like Iβm dadding well:
Son: βI hate crumbs.β
Me: βThatβs not cool. Crumbs never did anything to you.β
Son: βWell I donβt want to eat them.β
Me: βAnd they donβt want to eat you.β
Son: βCrumbs canβt eat anything, Dad. They donβt have a mouth and they canβt swallow things inside them.β
Me: βWhat if thereβs a river of crumbs going into the ocean and a duck lands on them and itβs like quicksand so the duck gets swallowed up at the mouth of the river of crumbs? Iβd say it just got eaten.β
Son: βAnd Iβd say youβre ducking weird.β
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︎ Sep 09 2020
When Biden pressed Trump about his Chinese bank account, Trump admitted...
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︎ Oct 21 2020
I started a twitter account devoted to non-sequitors but had to shut it down
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︎ Aug 20 2020
For my next performance I will sort out my checking account while on a high wire
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︎ Jun 28 2020
Started a job at an accounting apprenticeship office... took me an unreasonably long time to get the pun in their slogan
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︎ Jul 17 2020
My 15 year old told me he set up an IRA account. I said βAre you kidding me?β
He said βNo, Iβm adulting you.β
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︎ Sep 04 2020
Accountant: what is your gross income?
My dad: there's no need to insult my income like that.
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︎ Aug 16 2020
burned
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︎ Jul 12 2020
What do you call someone who doesn't have an account?
An accountant (account'nt)
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︎ Aug 23 2020
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︎ Jun 28 2020
I saw $50,000 mysteriously put into my bank account
I want no trouble, so I decided to leave it where I found it
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︎ Jul 15 2020
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He worked it out with a calculator.
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︎ Jun 15 2020
It doesn't matter if you're beautiful or ugly because.....
At the end of the day it's evening
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︎ Nov 17 2020
I created a bank account dedicated entirely to buying and maintaining bushes
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︎ Jun 29 2020
Did you hear about the animals that shared an Amazon account?
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︎ Jun 10 2020
There are historical accounts of Attila and his army seeing strange otherworldly ships hovering over the battlefields.
These were Hun Identified Flying Objects.
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︎ May 28 2020
What's the drug that changes your voice?
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︎ Dec 03 2020
I went to the bank teller and told him I wanted to change banks and open an account.
Man: No problem Sir. Whatβs the name of your previous bank?
Me: Piggy.
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︎ May 31 2020
When you are in charge of the twitter account during national battery day
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︎ Feb 18 2020
It is a very little known fact that Boy George has an anonymous Reddit account
You might say he is a karma chameleon
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︎ May 25 2020
If Post Malone died and his instagram account posted a picture of him to commemorate his death, then Post Malone would be posting a Malone post-Malone.
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︎ Feb 06 2020
Why do accountants sleep so well at night?
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︎ Mar 04 2020
I had to freeze my accounts today.
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︎ Nov 30 2019
This account is gold @lackinhumor
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︎ Feb 02 2020
I changed my password to βCareful Baggage Handlerβ for my login account.
It said it is supposed to be case sensitive.
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︎ Mar 19 2020
In college, I double-majored in accounting and dentistry...
Now I can crunch numbers AND numb crunchers.
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︎ Jul 02 2019
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with a pencil.
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
They just couldnβt budget
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︎ Aug 31 2020
Whoever stole my Microsoft office account ID, I will find you.
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︎ Jun 05 2020
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
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︎ Feb 22 2020
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