How do trees access the Internet?

... they log in

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.

He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpvboii
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
How do they access the internet in Israel?

Net and Yahoo.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chainsmoker88
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Here’s a little early access to a pun I made. I’m not sure if this joke has been said before but I hope not. I love making up puns
πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyledreeling10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what someone says when they have no access to Swedish furniture stores?

I have no IKEA

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cornelius_M
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A robber breaks into a bank

When he arrives he sees the security guard at his desk, sobbing

β€œI c-can’t believe the boss forgot my b-b-birthday”

Seeing this opportunity, the thief sneaks round to the back steals the security codes and goes to access the vault.

Unfortunately for the thief, the head of the bank was busy giving a tour to some possible investors and is at the vault.

Upon seeing the thief (who is stupidly dressed in horizontal black and white stripes) he exclaims, β€œHOW DID YOU GET PAST MY SECURITY!!?!”

To which the thief replies, β€œYou let your guard down”

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNewMadMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I was tasked to come up with a great pun for a new launch of Microsoft Office, I thought I’d come up with a great one.

But my publisher told me that word games are not what I excel at.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T33NW01F
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word".

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Micro pun
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jdramanuj
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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Farmers notice : Public access to this field and footpath is free.

.. But the Bull charges.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The local paper ran a front page article about offering a large print edition to be more accessible.

Apparently it was big news.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dave7243
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Microsoft note-d
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
/r/puns best of 2020 nomination thread!

Edit: Winner:- https://www.reddit.com/r/puns/comments/knrrk1/rpuns_best_of_2020_nomination_thread/ghx6xyy

Welcome to /r/puns bestof 2020 nomination thread! A chance to win reddit premium.

Comment below the links of posts/comments that were exceptional.

  • Post/comment must have been made in the year 2020.

  • Anybody can nominate.

  • One person can nominate maximum of 1 post or comment.

Prizes:

1 month reddit premium (no ads on your feed) and access to the reddit lounge to the exceptional post/comment.

Note: The person who nominates will also get award if the post they nominate is good. (Very likely you will get it :)

All the best!!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
You stole my copy of Microsoft Office. I will find you.

You have my Word.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConfidentDuck1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Take my Word
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zarhouni
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop?

So that he could design his own website.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Public opinion was favorable for local farmer banning outsiders access to hills filled with mushroom on his land.

He had the morel high ground.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iuntti
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to set up a bar inside of a cave but the police denied me access to

They said it was illegal to give alcohol to miners

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MonotoneYay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a secret place that grows Bananas, that you can only access through the back of a wardrobe?

Banarnia

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bulletproof_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
More people have access to a mobile phone than a toilet.

I think we really need to upgrade our plumbers.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Coworker wanted to put an access point in his garage so he could get Wi-Fi at his firepit...

I guess he wanted to turn his firepit into a hotspot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shutter_87
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I think dads automatically gain access to a dadjoke reservoir the moment they become dads...

My aunt recently had a baby, and she was telling us about the experience the other day at a family get-together. How beautiful her little girl is, how amazing the experience was, yadda yadda. Then she told us about my uncle's reaction, which she was less than thrilled about.

When my uncle saw his daughter for the first time after my aunt had just labored for hours, he said:

"Damn, it's 2013, you'd think they'd have started making these things cordless by now."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CloudyWithRain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
🚨︎ report
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

But that tablet only had 10 commands.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Sauron do when his tower isn't accessible enough?

He adds more doors

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPhteven0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Three European contrabass players were denied access to USA at the airport customs

They wouldn't let contraband enter the country.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plaineman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
We should all thank Bill Gates during Covid-19...

Imagine how boring quarantine would be if he hadn't invented Windows.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BBQ_Cake
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I was trying to show my dad the advantages of storing his passwords in the cloud in order to never lost them and have access from anywhere when...

He looked at my with a smile in his face and say... "But what if it's sunny?"

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Juerguist
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
🚨︎ report
You know a great thing about canvass stands?

They make art easely accessible.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tunecrooner
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me she'd leave me if I don't stop making Microsoft puns, and I need some advice

I immediately left my Office and tried explaining myself. Sure, on the Surface I do it often, but I think it Works. It's not just about Word play, either; my Outlook on life helps me Excel. She and I have such a great Team Foundation, I Azure you. I wanted to Exchange my thoughts with her, so we could work with OneDrive. I looked her right in the Windows of her soul, to Access the deepest parts of her heart, and told her I loved her. Completely on Edge, I awaited her answer...

PowerPoint of the story is: does anyone know of a good divorce lawyer?

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
🚨︎ report
A belt that allows chefs easy access to spices...

Could be called a waist of thyme

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/riz_lemon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2016
🚨︎ report
How do trees access the internet?

They log on.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word'

πŸ‘︎ 744
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How do trees access the internet?

They log on.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bridge_view
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word"

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office:

I will find you. You have my Word!

πŸ‘︎ 199
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anam_Cara
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
How do trees πŸŽ„ access internet?

They log in

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/da5kicka
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Whoever stole my Microsoft office account ID, I will find you.

You have my Word.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Willow-wolliW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How do trees access the internet?

They log on

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnybou
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word.

πŸ‘︎ 265
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oasishippie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to go into a long explanation of how to access an ATM machine but...

...let's put a pin in that for a moment.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trailgumby
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2017
🚨︎ report

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