Trump's top aides have Coronavirus

It would appear he has a staff infection

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WellWrested
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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Y'all hear that "The Kool-Aide Man" started a baseball team?

He's the pitcher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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What do you call all the times Trump and his aides have angrily refuted that he had sex with a porn star?

Stormy denials

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πŸ‘€︎ u/occamrazor1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
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If the Third Reich had employed barnyard animals, its top aides to the Farmer would have been Heinrich Hammler and Joseph Gobbles

and they would be fighting Joseph Stallion and Franklin D. Roostervelt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yuktobania
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2014
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From my 11 year old daughter. Did you hear the one about the man with the broken hearing aids?

Neither has he...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thrillhouse74
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.

But he just won’t listen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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Just finished watching a documentary on how Kool-Aid was made

It was stirring

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πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Just bought a first aid kit...

Thought I'd treat myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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How long does it take to fix a hearing aid?

I submitted mine for repairs three weeks ago and I haven't heard a thing since then.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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Does anyone know how long it takes to repair a hearing aid?

I sent mine away 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard anything since.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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It took scientists 15 tries to create the perfect sleep aid. Attempts A-N had no effect..

But they concluded a Pill-O helped everyone sleep better

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dothemagic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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In response to the American coin shortage, Canada has committed to providing the U.S. aid

They give us Nickelback

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SquireX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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I told me my doctor I didn’t want her to give me stitches.

She said β€œfine, suture self.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/20ftScarf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Have you heard the joke about the guy with the broke hearing aid?

Neither did he!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sith_Lord35
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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I've heard they just launched the new reptilian-focused aid programme.

They called it Gatorade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/avohka
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Why do court room stenographers talk loudly?

Because they’re hearing aides!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/schnaffoo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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My girlfriend said she might leave me because I didn't give her sufficient First-Aid assistance when she needed it.

Well, I wouldn't put it plaster

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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What do you call paramedics in a rock concert?

Band aid

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadowlegend551
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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An old man was telling his friend about his new hearing aid, "the greatest in the world!" "You can hear a pin drop."

Friend: Wow! What kind is it?

Old man: quarter past 2.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. β€œState of the Art,” he said, β€œIt cost me a fortune.”

I said, β€œAwesome. What type is it?”

He said, β€œ Two thirty.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
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My neighbor and I have been battling with epees lately, which has aided in our friendship...

You know what they say, good fences make good neighbors.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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The other day I walked into my son's room and found him with an open first aid kit, preparing to stitch up a cut on his forearm.

I told him to stop and that I would take him to the doctor for a more rofessional job. He told me he wanted to do it as he was working on his first aid merit badge for the boy scouts. So I said, "Suture self."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danno49
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.

It’s really hard to pull off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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We keep telling grandad to change his hearing aid

He never listens though.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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Who says, "Bugs, you stole my hearing aids?! You're despicable!"

Deafy Duck

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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In recent news, a giant had a troubling discovery when he returned home from work.

After discovering he'd been given a parking ticket, the giant exclaimed in disappointment as he approached his house. This startled a burglar inside, causing him to flee from the property but not before trapping his stubby digit in the door, causing him to leave blood at the scene. Thankfully, the giant's powerful nasal abilities allowed him to aid police as he was able to detected the exact nationality and gender of the robber in question. When interviewed, the giant simplified the story for us by saying,

"Fee, Fie, Foe, Thumb, I smell the blood of an English Man."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Why should you always use hearing protection?

Because otherwise you need hearing aids

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πŸ‘€︎ u/femkuhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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What do you call mosquitoes that catch AIDS

RAIDS

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Korru
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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What do you call a swarm of bees that have AIDS?

A HIVe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiscoPotato69
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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Why did the nurse get second chair in the symphony?

Because they were a Band-Aid

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anakin_I_am_on_PC
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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I thought I’d go as a Band-Aid this Halloween, but then decided not to.

I think it’ll be hard to pull off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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Why is the Kool-Aid Man red instead of purple?

Because with grape powder comes great responsibility.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/falsenorth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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What do you call a reptilian std?

Gator-AIDS

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lo0220
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?

Band aid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhTheComedy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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Today I received a call regarding a new hearing aid.

The connection was bad, I couldn’t hear a thing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xFarrokh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row and now I feel a little sick.

Must be the high Mercury content.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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What does an alligator drink when hurt?

Gator-Aid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Therealheetahlegs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Did you hear the one about the guy who lost his hearing aids?

Neither did he

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.

But he just won’t listen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aids in for repair.

I've heard nothing since.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
It took scientists 15 tries to create the perfect sleep aid. Attempts A-N had no effect..

But a Pill-O helped everyone sleep better.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dothemagic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid?

Neither did he.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid?

Neither did he.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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I sent my hearing aids in for repair about a month ago.

I’ve heard nothing since

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid?

Neither did he.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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I bought myself a first aid kit today.

I thought I would Treat myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hirsty19784
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid?

Neither did he.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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I bought a first aid kit

I felt it was time to treat myself

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MC-Master-Bedroom
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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3 weeks ago I sent my hearing aids in for repair

I've heard nothing since.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bdiggles
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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