Do you what to say on your death bed moments before you die?
"I dont know what happens after death but im dying to find out"
what's the time when an elephant sits on your bed?
Daaaad, can I sleep in your bed tonight??
No, son. I can't risk the monster following you in here.
How do you make your water bed bouncier?
How do you know there's an elephant under your bed when you wake up?
Because your nose touches the ceiling huar huar huar...
A daughter meets with her Dad for lunch. “Dad I want you to meet my new boyfriend” “Nice to meet you son, where you from?” “I’m from Watford, near London, by the way your daughter is so good in bed!” The father replies very upset and confused “What?!”
“Watford sir, near London.”
How do you get your memory foam bed to like and support you?
You make a good impression.
What did the cat nurse said when you fell off your bed?
What do you call your pet dog in your bed on a cold, winter night?
What do you say if your bed sheet comes off your bed?
The ground shaking underneath your bed as you sleep...
...would be quite a quake-up call.
Turn your sofa into a sofa bed....
....by simply forgetting your wife's birthday.
What do wetting your bed and a receipt have in common?
They both have a silent pee.
If your in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed and someone's asleep in the top bunk,
Does that mean you're under a rest?
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed.
It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.
How do you train your kids to stop wetting the bed ?
Make them use an electric blanket.
I read it's romantic to scatter rose petals on your bed, but they were too expensive. Instead, my wife and I will just have to make love on..
Your mother's been turned into a bed.
You put her out of her misery and commit matresscide.
If you are cold, DONT TOUCH MY THERMOSTAT! Just move your bed to the corner of your room where its 90 degrees.
One of the joys of parenthood is to snuggle into your child’s bed during a thunderstorm to make sure they’re not scared.
But my daughter and her husband insist they can manage on their own.
Don't make your bed everyday!
That's a waste of lumber!
If you make your bed, you might as well sleep in it.
I was asking my parents' permission to go on vacation with my friends at our condo on the coast.
Mom says, "Sure that's fine! That means you get to sleep in the master bedroom for the first time!"
I respond, "Yeah, I probably won't though... I mean that's your bed so I don't think I'd really be... comfortable."
Dad says, "Well then you better not sleep on the kitchen table either!"
Son, your daddy's going to be home soon. The prison ran out of metal furniture so they assigned me to a cell with with an inflatable bed.
It's an air-rested development.
Love, Dad
Having trouble sleeping? Lie right on the edge of your bed.
What do you get when you have cookies with your warm milk before bed?
Want to make your water bed bouncier.....
How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed,
Your nose is touching the ceiling
How do you make your water bed bouncy?
Want to make your water bed more bouncy?
Turn your sofa into a sofa bed immediately....
....by forgetting your wife's birthday.
How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?
Your head hits the ceiling!
How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?
Your head hits the ceiling!
How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?
Your head hits the ceiling!
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