I remember a time when plastic surgery was a taboo subject, but nowadays when you mention botox..
..no one even raises an eyebrow.
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?" I always thought they were going to hit me...
...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
“Dad, did you remember to move the clocks forward last night?”
‘Yeah, but they fell off the shelf.”
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why?
Happy New Year! Remember kids, you need to make some good resolutions to become a better version of yourself.
If you don’t, they’ll just go in one year and right out the other.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
I entered my sons room and said, "Remember, boy, masturbating can make you go blind."
"I'm over here dad." He replied.
Do you guys remember that Chris Farley SNL sketch where he played the timid interviewer guy?
Old Farmer: If you want your crops to grow, you must remember to fertilize your land properly.
New guy: That sounds like bullshit.
Farmer: Yes, exactly.
What do you call a bird who never remembers song lyrics?
What’s the worst thing you can remember doing when drunk?
I remember I came home one night and fixed a dartboard to the ceiling.
Spent the rest of the night throwing up.
Will you remember me...
Son: Dad, Will you remember me in one second?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Dad, will you remember me in one minute?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Dad, will you remember me in one hour?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Dad, will you remember me in one day?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Dad, will you remember me in one week?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Dad, will you remember me in one month?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Dad, will you remember me in one year?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Knock Knock!
Dad: Who's there?
Son: DAD! YOU ALREADY FORGOT ME!
Remember when you could smoke in a bar ?
Now you can't even drink in one !
What do you call a mnemonic made to remember someone's nickname?
I remember the last words my grandfather ever said to me. He said ‘You selfish boy!’
Not long after that, I became a fishmonger.
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, “Remember these two words. It’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”
What do you call a comedian who can’t remember the punchline
Idk I’m the one who’s asking
Do you all remember being in the back yard and dad pushing you in the tire swing?
Do you remember hearing your first dad joke? Is there one that has stuck with you through the years?
Mine was about 20 years ago, I was 17 at the time and going to my gf’s sisters house for dinner with her family. We brought some things to help with dinner. As we’re walking up to the house carrying the cookware, her dad looks back and says, “hey, now that you’re walking the wok, can you talk the talk?”. Not sure why but I’ll never forget that. Still makes me chuckle to this day. What’s yours?
Remember the good old days, before the pandemic? It used to be you could meet new people, maybe even fall in love and get married.
Now I’m just dating myself
My son wanted some girl advice, so I told him, “If you are intimidated by a date, remember one thing.”
They are just big raisins.
Will you remember me joke. Needs 2 people to work.
"Will you remember me in a day?"
"Yes I will"
"Will you remember me in a week?"
"Yes I will"
"Will you remember me in a year?"
"Yes I will"
"Ok let me tell you a joke...knock knock..."
Remember when you could go to gas stations and put air in your tires for free? Now it’s $1.75! You know why?
With summer almost here ond COVID-19 putting restrictions everywhere, please remember that you can't run through a campground.
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
Man UFO Israel you can see they are caught on tape. (Caught on tape is taken from a post from this r/ but I don't remember u/ name from 2018)
Here you have some cocaine, but remember
With great powder comes great responsability
If you are ever working on being more decisive and find yourself wanting to get a tuba, a trombone, and a round-bottomed dish - but you can only afford two of them and the dish will fit under your shirt - just remember:
Take the bowl, buy the horns .
Remember, you can't teach an old dog new tricks
But you can teach old people dog tricks.
Do you guys remember when Shakespeare was trying to remember if his friend lived in 2B or not 2B?
The embarrassing thing is he was in the wrong hamlet.
For those hoarding mouthwash: Remember that you should never flush Listerine® down the toilet.
What do you call a Mexican who cannot remember where he parked?
If a mob of clowns ever try to rob you then remember to go for their jugglers first
If you can't find your pens or pencils and you really need to write something down remember that old saying...
Where there's a quill there's a way.
Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine?
It was about a weak back!!
Hey Dad, remember you told me when you were young you used to love blowing bubbles?
Yes son I do.
Me: Well he's back in town and he's looking for you
If you help someone who is in trouble he'll remember you
when he's in trouble again
Do you remember what happened in 1997?
May the 4th be with you for today, but remember....
Tomorrow will be Revenge of the 5th
Honey make sure you remember to get bread from the shop
“Dad, do you remember the name of Sherlock’s friend?”
Did you remember your bag dad?
Yes, because Iraq.
Weak I know but my wife is quite proud of it.
When ever you are feeling powerless, remember just one of you pubic hairs can shut down a Resturaunt!
If you're ever feeling lonely, just remember...
If you are ever feeling like you don’t know your place in the universe, just remember: You and the universe came from the same thing
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?"
I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, “Remember these two words. It’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!"
I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
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