Woodhaven Boulevard Puns

Peter Parker/Spider-Man: Who am I? You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If somebody said it was a happy little tale, if somebody told you I was just an average ordinary guy, not a care in the world, somebody lied. But let me assure you, this like any story worth telling, is all about a girl. That girl. The girl next door. Mary Jane Watson. The woman I've loved since before I even liked girls. I'd like to tell you that's me next to her. Aw, heck, I'd even take him.

Peter Parker/Spider-Man: Hey! Stop the bus! That's me. Tell him to stop! Please! Stop! Hey! Stop the bus!

Mary Jane Watson: Stop the bus! He's been chasing us since Woodhaven Boulevard.

Flash's Crony: Catch a cab, Parker!

Peter Parker/Spider-Man: Thank you. I'm sorry I'm late.

Flash's Crony #2: What a geek!

Girl on Bus: Don't even think about it.

Flash's Crony: You're so lame, Parker.

Girl: Would you date him?

Teacher: Midtown High seniors. No wandering. Proceed direct... Knock it off. Remember, it is a privilege to be here. We're guests of Columbia University's Science Department. So behave accordingly. Let's not have a repeat of our trip to the planetarium. Come on people, stay together. Proceed up the steps and into the building.

Mary Jane's friend: MJ.

Mary Jane Watson: Where were you?

Mary Jane's friend: Checking out the library.

Mary Jane Watson: Looking at the books.

Mary Jane's friend: Yeah, right.

Harry Osborn: Charles, can we drive around the corner, please?

Norman Osborn/Green Goblin: Why? The entrance is right there.

Harry Osborn: Dad these are public school kids, I'm not showing up for the field trip in a Rolls.

Norman Osborn/Green Goblin: You want me to trade in my care for a Jetta just because you flunked out of every private school I ever sent you to?

Harry Osborn: It wasn't for me.

Norman Osborn/Green Goblin: Of course it was. Don't ever be ashamed of who you are.

Harry Osborn: I'm not ashamed of who I am. It's just...

Norman Osborn/Green Goblin: Just what, Harry?

Harry Osborn: Forget it.

Harry Osborn: Pete!

Peter Parker/Spider-Man: Hi, Harry.

Harry Osborn: Hey, man. What's up?

Norman Osborn/Green Goblin: Harry! Won't you be needing this?

Harry Osborn: Thanks Dad.

Harry Osborn: Um, Peter may I introduce my father, Norman Osborn.

Norman Osborn/Green Goblin: I've heard so much about you.

Peter Parker/Spider-Man: It's a great honour to meet you sir.

Norman Osborn/Green Goblin: Harry tells me you're quite the s

I had an idea for a subway line underneath Metropolitan Avenue. The purpose of the line would be to fill a transit desert in Central Queens, alleviate congestion on the BMT Canarsie Line and IND Queens Boulevard Line, and connect communities underserved by public transportation.

The line would start in Manhattan as an offshoot of the IND Sixth Avenue Line at 2 Av. The station has two tracks in the center of the station that extend eastward to Avenue A. The tracks were intended to be part of the never built expansion to South Fourth Street in Brooklyn as part of the Second System, but in this case they would continue under Metropolitan Avenue for the duration of its length. A station at Avenue C would serve thousands of Lower East Side and East Village residents. An new tunnel would be constructed under the East River and connect to the Canarsie Line at Lorimer Street with a stop at Berry Street to serve South Williamsburg residents. After Graham Avenue, the line continues under the Newtown Creek and into Queens, following the rest of Metropolitan Avenue’s length.

The line would have stations at Flushing Avenue, Eliot Avenue/Fresh Pond Road, Metro Mall-69th Street (transfer to the M), 80th Street, Woodhaven Boulevard, Union Turnpike, and Lefferts Boulevard. After Lefferts, the line would curve under Hillside Avenue where it would either connect to the Queens Boulevard Line or the Archer Avenue Line and terminate at 179th Street or Jamaica Center. It would give residents of Maspeth, Glendale, Middle Village, Kew Gardens, and southern Forest Hills a more direct route into Manhattan, cutting down on commute times and alleviating congestion on the E, F, J, L, and M trains as well as the Q54 bus.

It’s an interesting idea, although the geometry in connecting the tracks to already existing lines may be challenging and another tunnel under the East River won’t be cheap. I would send the B train to this line since it only runs on weekdays and can be replaced along the Brighton Beach Line by the W, which is another weekday-only line. It also gives residents along the line a one-seat ride into the Bronx, making the B train the only subway line to stop in four boroughs. During late nights, the line can terminate at 2 Av using the express tracks in the center .

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Buenosdillas

They’re on standbi

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Pilot on me!!

There hasn't been a post all year!