Willy Wonka's everlasting jobstopper.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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What did Mr. Willy, a man who served his country, say to Mr. Rubber?

. . .

"Cover me, I'm going in!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/project4167
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Mine would just say "I'm glad you enjoyed my free Willy and we had a whale of a time, but we need to sea otter whales."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenithh7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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You've heard of Wooly Willy, now get ready for...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thumbs0fDestiny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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Free Willy

My 9 year old daughter upon seeing the movie Free Willy available on Netflix: Dad, what's Free Willy about?

Me: Freeing Willy

The look she gave me about made me want to to die hahaha.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ackamaracus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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What does Willy Wonka use to keep his factory clean?

Oompa Roombas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EternalHelixMP
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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Willy Wonka's chocolate factory has been closing early a lot lately.

Maybe they're short staffed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotter66
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
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A Willy walks up to a wishing well...

...He leans into it and says, "I said Pianist! PIANIST!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kepler_MLG
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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I had that awkward, "How come your willy is so much bigger than mine?" conversation with my son in the bathroom this morning...

He said, "I don't know, dad, I'm only three!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2018
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My Dad sent me this text out of the blue...I'm still not sure why he was watching Willy Wonka though.

"I was watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and it gave me a craving for a chocolate bar so I went and bought one. This is probably why I should stop watching Breaking Bad."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vices_vipers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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What do you do to a dead Willy Wonka?

You cad-bury him!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/r3v3rs3z00m
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
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"We can't just let people dump oil on the sides of hills willy nilly!"

Beginning of a Slippery Slope argument.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drawsprocket
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2017
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I gave my girlfriend a wet willy

She got annoyed, so I asked "what's wrong? Are you ear-itated?"

Got a vocal laugh, and was promptly told that it wasn't funny.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2016
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What kind of dog did Willy Wonka have?

A chocolate lab.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jallfairs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2017
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Today's label making craft was inspired by the OG spicy boi himself, Bruce Willis.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bizarrekevlar
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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I can't stop thinking about Bruce willis movies. I guess old habits

Pulp fiction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daymanahaha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Have you heard the news? Willie Nelson died this morning.

He was playing on the road again.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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Tragic news! Bruce Willis has died while on viagra medication.

He died hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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Willie Nelson got hit by a car

He was playing on the road again

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BiWhiteNibba
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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The other day I had a friend ask me what I thought about Bruce Willis

Told him I'm a Die Hard fan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/axiomaticsteve
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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Stayed in a hotel with a gay ghost last night

It really put the willy's up me....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Regret-Superb
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg have decided to record an album together.

It’s a joint project.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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Incase you were wondering what Willie Nelson's full name REALLY is,

It's "Willie Nilly Nelson"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Did you hear about that famous chocolate factory owner who suffered from a penis accident?

He's known as Willy Wonky.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FalseAladeen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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What would Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg do if they met?

They'd be best buds.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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My friend is elated that Bruce Willis is coming to his college to give a talk...

He's a die hard fan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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Do you know why Bruce Willis is a hobbit?

Because old hobbits die hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silentpl
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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I come up with a really lame two word gay joke the other day that i was afraid my gay mate might find offensive

Butt willy?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/josuhataylor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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Do you think Bruce Willis will always make action movies?

Because you know what they say about old habits. They...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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Willis Carrier invented air conditioning....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-gem-524
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2017
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What did Bruce Willis say when he saw an asteroid heading for earth?

Armageddon outta here!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmygun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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My wife told me to stop making references to Bruce Willis films

I told her, β€œSorry babe, old habits Die Hard.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluebloques
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrScarlett1997
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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Willie Lump Lump and the Mongoose

Many years ago, Β Red Skelton Β told the following joke using his inebriate character, Willie Lump Lump.

Willie explained to the young lady, β€œI keep a mongoose in my coat pocket. Β  That way, when I go home after drinking, and there are snakes all over the lawn of my yard, I let the mongoose loose and he kills them all, so it’s safe for me to enter the house.”

The young woman sadly tried to explain, β€œI’ve got news for you, Mr. Lump Lump, those snakes are imaginary!”

Willie Lump Lump replied, β€œI’ve got news for Β you, so is the mongoose!”

http://red-skelton.info/articles/jokes/willie-lump-lump-and-the-mongoose/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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Willie Itule Produce, Yeah I’d Only Hope Around my Produce.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Proto-Chan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.

The fifth one was dead sirius.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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A Wet Willie
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Syllogism19
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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When God was handing out brains

I thought he said trains and I missed mine

When he was handing out noses

I thought he said roses so I asked for a big red one

and he gave it me too

When he was handing out willies

I thought he said chillies

So I asked for a small hot one

Please add more below.......................

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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Willie Nelson got into a terrible accident, but thankfully is ok.

He got high and was playing On the road Again..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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If Bruce Willis was a tree he would be named Spruce Willis
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuantheTacoFairy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2014
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Did ya hear? Willie Nelson died.

He was playing on the road again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NforNoha
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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People asked me to stop naming Bruce Willis movies...

But you know what they say, old habits pulp fiction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimeTraveler1895
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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Did you see Bruce Willis overdosed on Viagra?

At least he died hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/P_SIMO1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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Bruce Willis will probably keep making action movies, because you know what they say about old habits...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/auroraborora
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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Bruce Willis will probably star in action movies for the rest of his career.

You know what they say about old habits...

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
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