Verily I gave unto him a goblet, and forthwith hailed him by the name he hath previously declared to me...
👍︎ 4
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know the best part about Switzerland.

But the flag is a big plus.

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were stuck behind a van advertising granite countertops.

Wife: Those look good. I'd kill to have our counters redone.

Me: Sure...but then you'd be taking life for granite.

👍︎ 239
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 12 2016
🚨︎ report
I painted Paris with my eyes closed
👍︎ 7
💬︎
📅︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Finally found a good post for this sub Reddit
👍︎ 86
💬︎
👤︎ u/dillsey11
📅︎ Jan 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I have 2 coins in my hand with a total value of 6 cents, and one of the coins isn't a nickel.

The other one is.

👍︎ 27
💬︎
👤︎ u/slowshot
📅︎ Sep 09 2016
🚨︎ report
👍︎ 12
💬︎
👤︎ u/Jhogger
📅︎ Jan 05 2015
🚨︎ report
My mother thought she would be safe in the garden...

This morning while cleaning up the front yard, I overheard this short, but amazing exchange between my mother and father.

Mom: "Hey dad, did you see new sedum I planted? It looks amazing!"

Dad: "I know! I sedum, but I just can't believe 'em!"

My mother then dropped her trowel and walked back inside. Great job, dad.

👍︎ 14
💬︎
👤︎ u/Snazzlo
📅︎ Jun 21 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad and rugby...

Brother: "My thumb feels better"

Me: "What happened?"

Brother: "I got crushed under a rook." (A rugby rook)

Me: "Ouch."

Dad: "Yeah, chess really is a dangerous game huh?"

groan

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/Cookie_Jr
📅︎ Sep 10 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad was talking on the phone using his headphones, so I turned down the music.

Dad: You don't have to turn that down, these are noise canceling.

Me: Oh, okay.

...

Me: So they work pretty good then?

Dad: What?

Me

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/ReadShift
📅︎ Mar 02 2014
🚨︎ report
Tim Vine is a standup comedian that tells almost exclusively dad jokes.

If you'd like to watch a video of him, here's one, or you could watch him on youtube.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 28 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.