Wiggle!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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Sign me up!
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/9pm_official
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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Scrabble
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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The final four letters in the word β€œqueue” aren’t silent...

They’re just waiting their turn...

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
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Poor little bunny

A doctor is driving home one night along a lonely road when a rabbit suddenly bolted in front of his car. The doctor swerved and tried his best to stop, but it wasn't possible and the car hit the bunny.

He immediately pulled the car to the side of the road and got out to see if he could help the poor bunny. It didn't look good. He raced back to the car to retrieve his bag, but realized almost instantly that he was driving his wife's car and so his bag wouldn't be there.

He frantically rooted through the glovebox, trying to find gauze or water - anything that could be useful. He found a bottle of what he expected was water and brought it back to where the bunny was laying. With great care, he poured a cap full and let the bunny drink.

To the doctor's amazement, the rabbit sprang back to life - jumping up on his hind legs and wiggling his tail. He smiled at the doctor and waved as he began to prance back toward the woods. He hopped a couple of feet, paused, turned and waved again. Hopped another few feet, turned and waved yet again. He reached the edge of the trees and again, he turned and waved at the doctor.

Stunned, the doctor brought the bottle up to the light to see what magic potion he had discovered. Squinting his eyes, he read the label aloud, "Hair restorer with permanent wave".

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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My husband suggested we get a repeater to improve our router signal...

Me: A what?

Him: A repeater.

Me: dramatic eyebrow wiggling with shit eating grin

Him: Oh my god.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/misscharl0tte
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
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My 3 yr old son didn't realize it but he told me a good dadjoke

As I'm holding my son, he begins to pretend his hands are spiders and starts wiggling the tips of his fingers on my arm and then says

"These spiders are crawling on you because they're Daddy Long Legs"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plzinsertgirder
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2015
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This is my dad's favorite joke that he tells all the time (long)

It's the end of the Kindergarten year, and for all the kindergartners to graduate to first grade they all have to take a simple test.

The teacher walks up to the first kid and goes "Okay Jimmy. To graduate we have to name a few simple body parts. Where are your fingers?"

Jimmy wiggles his fingers.

"Good. Where are your knees?"

Jimmy points to his knees

"Very good. Last question. Where is your nose?"

Jimmy points to his nose

"Very good! How did you know all that?"

Jimmy points to his head and says, "Kidneys"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumbjokes101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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My forehead is very lenient with my eyebrows.

It gives them a lot of wiggle room.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theycallmedandan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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Why is a box of Jello mix always substantially larger than the contents within?

You need to allow some wiggle room.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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My dad’s version of β€œThe Night Before Christmas”

A Christmas Poem
by Dad (1952–2009)

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the shack,
Not a creature was stirring, we was all in the sack;

Our mugs were placed on the mantle with cheer,
In hope that Saint Nick would bring us a beer;

And me I was tucked up all snug in my bed,
But strains of sweet music still danced through my head;

So I sprang from my bed with a crash and a clatter,
And off down the hall with bare feet did I patter;

There on the chair sat my musical pipe,
So I sat down to play without fanfare or hype;

Come Mozart, come Hayden, Stravinski and Strauss,
And write me some music to bring down the house;

When down from the chimney appeared with a crash,
A strange little man in the smoke and the ash;

He wiggled and jumped and got up like a shot,
Came over and said, "Man those cinders are hot!";

His stomach it shook like a bowl full of jelly,
For a moment I thought it was dear old aunt Nelly;

His nose like a cherry, his ears like two jugs,
I was worried that this guy just might be on drugs;

His language was foul, his jokes they were crass,
So I opened the door and threw him out on his ass;

But then as I turned, boy was I ever surprised;
I saw what he'd bought me, or so I surmised;

For there in the corner right under the tree,
Was some brand new sheet music and a case of O.V.;

I turned to say thank-you but found he had gone,
He was not in the garden and not on the lawn;

And just when I thought that he couldn't get far,
I realized the old goat had stolen the car;

Off in the distance he said with a wheeze,
"I hated to do it but you left me the keys!";

I smiled and laughed for this much I could savour,
For I'd just sold the car to my idiot neighbour;

And once more he called as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and don't drive when you're tight!"

Thank you for everything, Dad. We love and miss you.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CannonBall7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
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My dad is not cool

My dad walks in while I'm watching tv and starts wiggling his bum and says 'what am I doing?'. I look at him in confused silence. Then he says 'I'm going to twerk'. facepalm

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jibbletslap
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2014
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Had a housewarming party

My dad brought us firewood as a house warming present.

He wiggled his eyebrows and went "hey? Hey?" and made a fire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/727Super27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2016
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This is serious, I am left with a joke that I can't figure out.

My friends grandfather would always ask him the same joke for 30 years till he passed. Want to see me wiggle my ear? And then he would hold his hand up in a fist and wiggle his thumb. Then walk away laughing. WHAT IS THE JOKE?!!?!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Modwalker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
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Teaching dad how to move apps around the iPhone.

I said "Put your finger on the icon thing and hold it there until it wiggles.... Is it wiggling?"

Dad - "The little icon is but not my finger."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2014
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Lady Killer

My wife was playing a video game and got a sword called a "pirate's cutlass," which prompted the following:

Me: "That sword will only hurt girls."

Wife: "What are you talking about?"

Me (while wiggling my eyebrows): "Well, it says it's a cut-lass!"

Wife: groans and rolls eyes

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kael_godkiller
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2013
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To a friend with broken fingers

We just got back from the hospital, and were talking about the hot lady doctor who patched him up. We were talking about him hitting on her, did he get her number? "Well, she got /his/ digits." (finger wiggle)

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/craftynoodle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2015
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When I ask my dad to move over

I walk into my living room where my dad is laying down, taking up the whole couch.

Me: "Dad, could you move a little?"

Dad: "Sure." wiggles his foot

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SUICIDE_OR_DIE
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2013
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One my dad just used on me

I asked my dad if he could make me a sandwhich and he said, "i dont know, that sounds pretty hard to do. Let me try." He then squated, put his arms out, and wiggled his fingers at me and then said" BOOM, you are now a sandwhich!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gizmah
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2015
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He dragged me out of the apartment for that pun.

Not a dad, but this is in line with it all.
It was a party around Halloween-time, but not specifically a Halloween party. Things were wrapping up, people were heading out and my roommates were saying goodbye.

They were doing some goofy ass handshake, bumping fists, slapping, all that dumb shit.

While they're wasting time, I look on the table and see various Halloween decorations, including body parts made out of Jell-O. They're slightly jiggling, as all Jell-O molds seem to do.

I quietly mumble "Hehe... handshake."

The host of the party looks at me and says "Are you making fun of our hand shake?"

Without saying anything else, I reach over to the table, pick up the plate the Jell-O zombie hand is on, hold it close to his face, wiggle it back and forth and repeat "Hand shake".

He grabs me by the back of my shirt and drags me out of the apartment. I thought it was funny.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M3wThr33
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2013
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