A man in Yorkshire, England forgot about his appointment at the sperm bank.
When he finally arrived, the person at the desk told him, “Ejaculate”
The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the street.
Why did the non-binary prospector head out West?
Because there was gold in them/their hills!
My GF dressed up as a police woman and told me I was under arrest under the suspicion that I was good in bed c
After 3 mins all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence
Wanted: A man who has been stealing wheels from police cars
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
You come to the end of the road. North of you is the red house, west is the green house, east is the blue house. Where is the white house?
A police officer told a coffee maker "you're under arrest"!
The coffee maker asked "on what grounds"?
A lot of conflicts in the Wild West could have been avoided....
....had the Cowboy architects just made their towns big enough for everyone.
A police officer just came to the door and said he was looking for a man with one eye.
I told him he would probably find him faster he used both.
Did you hear about the criminal who only steals wheels from police cars?
The cops are working tirelessly to catch him
You know, out West they're started to ban those big round bales of hay you see in that field over there..
.... The cows aren't getting three square meals a day.
(Also, to those who tell dad jokes at every opportunity, I really appreciate you. As a person who grew up without the joy of a pops embarrassing me with terrible jokes, I was always bewildered by the stereotype. Recently though, I've been taking a microeconomics course I was dreading having to take and my professor has "big econ dad" energy. There's a joke every few minutes in his lectures and they give me the energy to keep going. You are appreciated. Even if your kids, spouse, partner, friends, strangers groan at you, undoubtedly someone out there really appreciates your goofiness).
Why do people from West Russia take their time in the bathroom?
Because you don't wanna be Russian while European
Today I learnt what Yoda was short for,
Because he's got little legs.
How do you know when you’ve contracted West Nile Virus?
When you start walking like an Egyptian.
I was interrogated by the police last week
They asked me "are you more of a skirt or a handbag?"
I thought about it for a second and confidently chose handbag.
"So you admit it! You're an accessory!"
Someone is stealing tires off of police cars in my area
The police are working tirelessly to arrest him.
Someone stole the toilet from the police station
They have nothing to go on
Russell Crowe walks into a police station when he hears that a cannibal has devoured his wife.
Man walks into a shop and picks up a can of bug spray
The man asks "is this good for wasps?"
The cashier says "no sir, it kills them"
Why do police hate impatient pirates?
Because they refuse arrrrrest
When I was a police officer I used to take suspects camping.
I was fired for my intense interrogations.
The police caught the teflon thief red-handed
And yet, the prosecution couldn't make the charges stick
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...
Why do police talk to bankers a lot?
Because they are "persons of interest."
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?
Did you hear about the criminal who had a heart attack while running from the police?
He went into cardiac arrest.
They are having a wheel problem at the station
A man took a bullet to the face in a shooting last week. If anyone has any information please call city police.
The only thing they have to go on is the mug shot.
The police arrested to kids yesterday, one was eating fireworks, and the other was drinking battery acid
They charged one, and let the other off
My wife has begged me to stop making police related puns...
I said, "O.K.....I'll give it arrest.
I was born a Yorkshire pudding
But I was made in the royal gravy
If I made a bot that spams every person who claims to be a member of the Pun Police with puns...
it would be a fully automatic machine pun.
How did the police identify the body of a dead monk?
They checked his transcen-dental records.
Why did the police officer put the cranky baby in jail?
My neighbor, Mr. Coffee, came stumbling into the police station this morning.
Apparently, he had been mugged.
The police arrested my daughter claiming she had burnt our house down.
Why were the police called to McDonalds?
The place got burger-larized!
Police are investigating a murder in which the victim was shot with a starters pistol.
The police think it's race-related.
Yorkshire proofreaders.
Fighting the war on t'error!
Why do police get to riots early?
The police arrested a duck.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Did you know Danny DeVito has a cousin from the old west?
Why did the non-binary prospectors head west?
Because there was gold in them/their hills
The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the side of the road ...
They charged her with littering!
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